Follow Save the 1

Translate the Blog


Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Thankful I Didn't Kill My Innocent Baby Conceived in Rape, by Aimee Kidd

Last Monday, I received a call from the District Attorney’s office stating they did not have enough evidence to file criminal charges of any kind against my rapist.  I literally collapsed on the floor upon hearing the news.  The wind was knocked right out of me.  That wasn’t enough, however.  The story of my rape, pregnancy, and birth of my child made a lot of local news headlines because of my demands for justice, so when the DA made the nine page memo describing why he wouldn’t pursue any criminal charges against my rapist public, the media had a field day.  Within a couple hours, my face was once again splashed all across the television and social media.

            The reaction on social media was nothing short of disgusting and devastating.  Sure, I had support from friends and family, even from strangers who have been following my story, but the nasty comments were hard to ignore. 

I read things like:
“Your credibility went out the window when we found out you had a bunch of different kids with a bunch of different fathers.”
            “You’re a known drunken whore.”
            “You are a liar.”
            “You belong in jail.”
But the worst was:
 “I feel sorry for that poor baby.  I hope the father will finally get to see his baby.”

Immediately, I began to pray.  I pleaded that God would protect my child.  In the state of Wyoming, telling your rapist “No” is not enough to prosecute a rape.  In Wyoming, being incoherent, drunk, or drugged is not enough for a rape conviction.  Further, a rapist has total access and ability to exercise his parental rights to his child conceived in rape without a conviction. In other words, it's open season on women.

My mind wandered to a dark place.  I thought about the fact that, had I just snuck out of town and had an abortion, no one would’ve ever known about the rape.  My rapist wouldn’t be able to fight for custodial or visitation rights.  No one would be calling me a liar or a whore.

I wanted to slap myself.  I sobbed and looked down at my beautiful little girl and I thanked God for her.  I am so thankful God protected her, and I didn’t kill my precious and innocent baby with an abortion.  How dare I let my mind even consider such horrible thoughts, just because of the cruelty of others.  I refocused and praised God.

Having my beautiful daughter, finding my voice, giving hope and inspiration to other women who have been victims of sexual assault, and advocating for victims' rights was worth whatever public backlash I was receiving via social media and within my community.  I was being labeled a liar and a whore.  I was being told I made the entire thing up just so a "potentially loving father" wouldn’t get to see his baby -- never mind the fact that he never sought to see her.  So despite all of my public advocacy for my rights, for rape victims and victims' rights, I learned I have a long road ahead of me with the news of the DA not being willing to file charges.

My fight is just beginning.  I am so thankful for the people who continue to support me and who continue to stand beside me.  I am proud of the choice I made to keep and parent my baby conceived in rape.  I will continue to fight tooth and nail to ensure my rapist cannot exercise parental rights to her.  With the help of social justice advocates and local legislators, I hope to achieve legislation that will actually protect babies like mine. 

If a woman is brave enough to report her rape, give birth to a child conceived in rape, and speak out against a flawed legal system, the last thing she should ever have to worry about is her rapist having access to her child.  No wonder so many women are forced into silence and feel as if they are forced to abort.  What a nightmare to be faced with the potentiality of having to co-parent with a rapist!

I am so thankful for the legislators who have reached out to me and offered support to pass a bill in the state of Wyoming which will include language to prevent rapists (even without a conviction) parental access to the child conceived in rape -- The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act.  I hope other legislators will see our laws are flawed.  Rape is almost impossible to get an arrest, let alone to convict in my state.  Loving mothers who become pregnant by rape shouldn’t be further victimized by being forced to subject their innocent children to rapists.  Our laws need to be fixed.  Rapes need to be easier to prosecute; police need to be given all the tools to investigate a rape swiftly; and children conceived in rape need protection from their mother’s rapist.

Please keep my family and my beautiful baby in your prayers.  I declare God will protect my child -- a precious blessing He bestowed upon me. 

Thank God for protecting her and loving her.  I pray He continues to do so.

BIO:  Aimee Kidd is a mother of 6, self-employed, in Casper, Wyoming, and is a pro-
life blogger for Save The 1.  Her first piece written for our blog is found here: and her second piece is found here:
Friday, March 10, 2017

Are You Planning on Supporting the March of Dimes this Spring? Think Twice- Their History of Eugenics May Surprise You

Are You Planning on Supporting the March of Dimes this Spring? Think Twice- Their History of Eugenics May Surprise You

It's the beginning of March- spring is almost here, and some of us welcome the image of snow melting away and flowers in bloom once again.

Something else happens in March, which most people are probably aware of, but don't pay mind to. The March of Dimes steps up its fundraising campaigns, utilizing the warm weather (great for walking), the fact that people are financially recovering from their Holiday shopping, and the name of the month for inspiration.

Those of us who advocate for the non-typical child may see friends posting information about their personal walks. My family participated the first year after losing our daughter, Beatrix and raised a small bit of money. However, upon taking a more detailed look into the March of Dimes  we decided that it wasn't for us. 


Who could speak out against an organization which has the sole purpose of saving the lives of babies?

Over the years the March For Babies has come to symbolize all that's good about public contribution to modern medicine: it's most likely the closest many people come to actively working towards ending birth defects. It gets people together to work for the most worthy cause of all: saving lives.

Unfortunately the March of Dimes has a decidedly eugenic, pro-abortion history. 

Originally founded by FDR to combat polio, the March of Dimes moved on to "birth defect prevention" after successfully curing polio in the US, via funding research for Jonas Salk's polio vaccine. 

During the early 60's, when they switched gears and began working to prevent birth defects, prenatal testing became their main focus. The purpose of this testing was to figure out how to detect anomalies in order to terminate pregnancies where they were found.  The researchers employed, educated, and/or supported by the MOD pioneered the use of amniocentesis and chorionic villi sampling to prenatally detect disorders such as Downs Syndrome. The MOD claim this testing is necessary to "prepare" parents for a child with special needs, yet over the decades it's become apparent that the tests are used for search and destroy missions against genetically atypical children. For example, in the US we know that 90% of children with Trisomy 21 (DS) are aborted after a positive genetic test. For more serious Trisomy disorders, the percentages of abortion are even higher. In addition, for those babies who are allowed to progress full-term, the prenatal testing which identified their syndrome can be used to deny life-saving medical care. Their "quality of life" becomes an issue, as does the concept of "futile" care, leaving many parents without the legal ability to advocate for their children's lives (1) (2). Genetic testing has become the means by which a human being can legally be denied medical care, and that genetic testing was developed through the MOD.

While the March of Dimes claims this to be an unfortunate byproduct of their research, and to be a neutral party to the abortion debate, they have a history of supporting the studies of eugenic physiciansutilizing aborted fetal tissue in fetal experimentation(1), and relying on exceptionally gruesome fetal experimentation- including experimentation on living fetuses- which far surpasses anything we've heard on videos from current times. While we can't draw a direct line from their research into prenatal diagnosis to abortion, the connection is abundantly clear for any who choose to search for it -- although, you must search through archived internet articles because they've "scrubbed" many of the documents supporting abortion which they previously authored and offered.  (please see note below regarding links).

The March of Dimes, far from being a premier supporter of the rights of babies with disabilities, currently uses their clout to secure funding and donations which are used to develop even more specific testing. While claiming to have "conquered" a number of genetic disorders, the record shows that many of their "successes" comes from ever-earlier prenatal testing and abortion, rather than finding cures for genetic disorders which affect children.

We urge pro-life individuals to refrain from donating to this organization. 

For those who wish to contribute to research into prenatal diagnosis and complimentary treatment for children with disabilities, there is an alternative organization you can donate to: the Lejuene Foundation (named after Jerome Lejeune, the physician who discovered the cause of Down Syndrome). The Lejeune Foundation is a life-affirming research group which studies genetic disorders with the aim of helping individuals live better, fuller lives within the context of their disabilities. Jerome Lejeune was horrified when his discovery of a third chromosome 21, as the cause of Down Syndrome, was used to target affected unborn children for the purpose of ending their lives. He spent the later part of his life fighting for the rights of all children to live to the best of their ability. 

If you would like to give to this organization (or any other pro-life organization which helps individuals and families meet the challenges of an atypical life), we have included a few links below. All of these organizations are decidedly pro-life, and will satisfy both the desire to help families, and the desire to encourage them to keep their babies. 

From their website:

"Be Not Afraid (BNA) is a private non-profit corporation whose mission is to provide comprehensive, practical, and peer-based support to parents experiencing a prenatal diagnosis and carrying to term. In addition, BNA encourages development of new services so more parents find support at diagnosis by offering training, consulting and technical assistance as well as materials to other organizations and individuals committed to service development."

From their website:

"Support information & encouragement for carrying to term with an adverse prenatal diagnosis and support for raising your child with special needs after birth."

From their website:

"The mission of the Jerome Lejeune Foundation USA is to raise and disburse funds in order to provide research, care, and advocacy to benefit those with genetic intellectual disabilities in accordance with the medical and ethical standards of Dr. Jerome Lejeune, the father of modern genetics. This is carried out by conducting, promoting, and funding therapeutically oriented research; by assisting in the development of healthcare services for these individuals; and by serving as their advocate in a spirit of respect for the dignity of all human persons."

(Note: Much of the information available is only accessible via print, so sources linked above may not be varied enough to satisfy some readers- please feel free to research individual claims on your own, and if you find discrepancies or current links, please comment below so we can correct the information. Unfortunately the Pro-Life clearinghouse for MOD info, The Michael Fund, is no longer in service, and adding each individual link rather than articles referencing them would mean an excessive number of outbound links.)

BIO:  Sarah St. Onge is a wife, mother of 4, step-mother of 2, and pro-life blogger for Save The 1.  She's also the founder of, a pro-life, diagnosis specific website which supports parents who continue their pregnancy after receiving the same lethal diagnosis which took her daughter, Beatrix Elizabeth.  She blogs on faith, grief, loss, and pro-life issues pertaining to continuing a pregnancy after a lethal anomaly has been diagnosed, at
Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Told by Doctors to Abort, I Regained My Mother's Heart For My Child, by Jennifer Frey

My name is Jennifer Frey.  I would like to share a piece of my heart here with you, and her name is Faith Elizabeth.

Before I get there, I would like to confess, I haven’t always been pro-life.  In fact, I was very much pro-choice until my children came into my life.  I remember in high school writing my senior paper on the topic of abortion.  Being the naive teenager that I was, I thought for sure those extreme cases of rape, or health of the mother/baby were valid reasons for abortion. 

I hadn’t thought much about the topic of abortion until I had children -- i
n particular, my second born baby.  All of my children have changed my life, but she is the one who changed things deep in my heart.

While I was pregnant with my second born baby, at my 20 week ultrasound
came some devastating news.  Our baby was promptly diagnosed with anencephaly.  Words I had never heard before -- “incompatible with life” -- were used.  

The doctor refused to show us any more pictures of the baby, as to "not hurt our feelings."  They did not tell us the gender and they sent us on to a specialist.  I left feeling like my baby was already dead.  

At the appointment with the specialist, they confirmed the diagnosis.  They told us over 95% of families with this diagnosis have an "early termination."  They told us it was okay to do, that it was too difficult to carry the baby to term just to watch it die. We were told the baby wouldn’t make it much past birth or could pass away in utero. The doctors offered no support for choosing life.  It was never given to us as an option.

I will admit right now, I believed them.  I was a beginner Christian, a fairly new mom (my oldest was 3) and was still unsure about abortion. The doctors did a really good job of making it seem like termination was the best choice.  

Without making any decisions at that appointment, my husband and I went home, barely able to talk to each other, let alone cope.  

We were leaning towards early termination.  I thought that there was no way I would be strong enough to carry the baby to full term, just to watch the baby die.  I had even made the appointment for the termination.  By the grace of God, we ended up cancelling the termination the day before my appointment.  Something stirred in my heart to love my baby, and I regained my mother's heart for my child which was almost stolen by lies and deceit -- not just from the doctors, but by our country's opinion of babies with adverse diagnoses.

We carried our baby -- our daughter -- to full term. We named her Faith Elizabeth.  During the remainder of the pregnancy, she lay breech in my womb, her head right up under my left rib cage, close to my heart -- the symbolism of which I hold very dear.  

We included our older daughter, Julianna in all the planning so she could always remember having a part in her sister's life. 

On December 27, 2010, Faith Elizabeth was born.  We were told to expect the
worst, that she would be deaf, blind, mute, and probably unconscious.  From what they could see on ultrasound, she had a severe case and seemed to only have use of her brain stem.

Faith was born, and she defied all expectations!  She was alive, alert, eyes open, making noises and responding!  We spent the day with her, introducing her to family and friends.  

She lived for 18 hours, and died in my arms.  She was here only a short time in our lives, but the impact she made in my life is continuous and ongoing.  

While it is a sad, bittersweet memory of mine now, there is also an enormous Joy that goes along with it. Her life changed mine.  And when I think back about being in that place of finding out her diagnosis, wondering if it would be easier to terminate or not -- I find myself so thankful for choosing life.  I imagine I would have been filled with regret had I chosen to terminate.  But now I am thankful to have given her the best chance at the longest life possible for her.  I will never regret having met my daughter and seeing my oldest who was wise beyond her years cradle her baby sister.

My family and I are now a solid pro-life family.  We stand for life, we fight for life, we help others going through situations like our own because we KNOW how precious life is.  We have learned that life is sometimes short, but sweet, and to enjoy the time we have together. It is so worth it to choose life every time -- whether in your womb or in your heart.  You won't regret it!

I've been doing my own research on abortion ever since I've had Faith and it always felt like there was a portion of the discussion missing because abortion is often associated with clinics like Planned Parenthood, there wasn't much talk of the abortions that happen in hospitals due to medical influences there.  It's a whole hidden agenda that most people aren't aware of, and so many babies are killed by abortion each year as recommended by doctors, at hospitals, because of a disability.

When I was pregnant with my firstborn, it was suggested that we do genetic testing and they said our daughter had a high chance of Down Syndrome.  We were offered "options." And then again, same thing with our 3rd born child. She had measurements which were "off" and they were talking about doing more testing so I could have "options."  Today, all three of my living children are completely healthy.  Had I taken the advice of my doctors, I would have aborted three children and have only one living child today!
Thank you to Save The 1 for bringing awareness to this sneaky area of abortion. I am available and would love to help in any way! 

BIO:  Jennifer Frey is a wife, mother of four, photographer and pro-life blogger for Save The 1.

Monday, February 13, 2017

After the Rape, Choosing Life Fixed Everything, by Paula Love

New Year's Eve 1991, I was invited to go bowling with a small group of people
who I hadn’t known for very long and didn’t know very well at all.  We bowled and we drank, but I don’t remember much more.  I don’t remember leaving the bowling alley, but I remember seeing headlights on our way somewhere.  

I have no idea how I got into a hotel room.  I only remember opening my eyes and knowing that someone was on top of me.  It took me a minute to comprehend what was happening.  I felt dazed.  Once I realized the situation I was in, my mind was screaming for me to push him off, but my body wouldn’t do what I wanted it to.  I had no strength.  None.  I was dead weight.  I am certain I was drugged.  I looked at my hands laying by my sides and kept saying to myself, “Lift your hands; push him off!!”  I stared at my hands waiting for them to do what I was telling them to, but they never did and I passed back out.

After waking up naked, confused, cold and terrified, I found my way home.  I didn’t leave my house much.  That went on for weeks.  I didn’t tell anyone what happened.  I felt depressed and dirty, and I wasn’t getting out of bed very often.  Then, about the time I was beginning to come out of the “fog” of the incident, I began getting sick -- every morning.

I looked in the phone book and found a place that specializes in “crisis pregnancies.”  I called and made an appointment.  February 14, 1991 -- Valentine’s Day.  I pee'd in a cup and waited for the results that I already knew the answer to.  The lady came to the waiting area and took me back into a room to give me my results where several counselors were waiting.  They told me I was pregnant and had a video for me to watch.  I watched.  I watched the life cycle of the baby in my tummy.  I learned about the heart developing.  This baby already has a heartbeat.  As I left the building, that’s what I couldn’t get out of my head:  a heartbeat.

I drove away from there a very scared 18 year old and felt I had to tell someone.  I chose my sister.  When I arrived, she looked so beautiful in a red formal dress, busy blowing up balloons, preparing for her engagement party to her future husband.  It was just me and her in the room.  “I’m pregnant.”  I wasn’t feeling the excitement, but she had enough for both of us and it gave me hope.  She could feel my despair, but never wavered.  

One by one, I told those close to me about the "incident" and about the pregnancy.  I was blessed to have such a loving and supportive family.  We’ve always been very close.  I’m grateful I was surrounded by their love.  It would carry me through the next eight months of pregnancy, and far beyond.

As I was going to sleep one night, I began praying to God.  My Dad was a minister.  My parents were missionaries when I was much younger and I had been raised in church my entire life.  As I lay there, I told God my hurt and my fear.  I told him that I choose life for this baby and we’re in His hands. 

I opened my eyes the next morning and took a minute staring at the ceiling.  During the night I had a vivid dream.  I dreamt that I had a healthy, red-headed, beautiful baby girl.  I thought to myself, “red-headed?”

On October 12, 1991, the contractions began.  I called my brother who wasn’t very far away.  After placing trash bags on all the seats, he let me in the car.  Away we went.  My mom soon arrived at the hospital with us.  Now it was just me and her, and the Doctor in the room, and things were getting real.  

Twelve hours had past and finally Kayla Ann was here.  My mom held her briefly, counted her fingers and toes and then handed me my healthy, red-headed, beautiful baby girl -- just like in my dream, only better.

“Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you.” Jeremiah 1:5

Kayla Ann got married a few years ago.  She asked me to walk her down the

aisle.  As we walked together, my mind was like a movie reel of memories.  I captured those memories in a poem for her:

It’s a girl, I heard them say and the journey began that autumn day.

God decided that it’s you and me, by each other’s side we will always be.

One years old! You’re walking! Starting school, you won’t stop talking…

Caught another fish, made a dandelion wish. Honor rolls, field trips, laughter and tears,

Sweet sixteen… you’re grown….. I’d do it all over again.

Gorgeous eyes and confidence, you’ve persuaded hard hearts to buy into this.

My bond with you, nothing compares, they have no idea, they’ve never been there.

Don’t walk, Stomp your own path! Do your thing and never look back.

My heart explodes with gratitude that I was given this gift to be paired with you.

You are love, you are laughter, you are my Happy Ever After. 

There was always a voice in my head telling me that I could have an abortion and it would fix everything.  The truth is, choosing life fixed everything.  I’m thankful every day that I didn’t buy into the lie.  My daughter and the two incredible grandsons that she’s given me fixed everything. They have turned my sorrow into joy.
I will comfort them. I will give them joy in place of their sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13

BIO: Paula Love is the happy mother of two and a very proud “Mimi” to two
incredible grandsons.  In the quiet mountains of Montana she spends her time with her family, tending her garden and gathering chicken eggs! She left the big city life 16 years ago and never plans to go back.  Paula is also a pro-life blogger for Save The 1.

It Looked Like Such a Bleak Situation, But I Had a Reason For Being by Kerry Ann Beckley from the U.K.

I was conceived in 1974, in a little town called Newbury, in England. Abortion became legal in the UK in 1967, but it wasn't as acceptable or as accessible as it is now.

When my mum fell pregnant with me, she already had four other children to look after, and she was married to my dad who had schizophrenia. He was extremely physically and mentally abusive to her, beating her often -- once was with a chain.

They were struggling financially and my mum really didn't want to bring me into the world, so she tried to force herself to miscarry with a hot bath and alcohol, but obviously it didn't work.

I am quite sure that if abortion had been as accessible then as it is now, I wouldn't be here to share this story.

My mum is the one who confessed to me that she had tried to abort me. I don't know why she told me -- I never thought to ask because I knew she loved me and she did her best by us. Of course, she made mistakes -- some huge ones, but growing up, I saw my mom as a strong woman who found herself in a difficult situation.

My dad took his own life when I was 18 months old. Then my mum had a partner after him who was a horrible bully to us, but she loved him. They split when I was 8 years old and I was overjoyed. My mum and I had a great relationship.

I did struggle with issues of self worth, but I think that was more to do with feeling abandoned by my dad, which is crazy I know. I found my faith when my mum died. I was a single parent myself with an eight month old baby. My mum was my rock, my foundation, my breath. I was heartbroken.

I had dabbled with party drugs before that, but then I met a guy a few months
Kerry Ann Beckley, 2nd from the right
after I lost my mum, and I was doing all kinds of drugs at that point. My life felt like fun, but I was an emotional mess. My friend invited me to church one day and I liked it. I didn't feel judged by anyone there. I love to sing, so I always enjoyed the music worship -- I still do! I went on to take an Alpha course -- learning the basics of who Christ is -- and I found my faith. At first, I wanted to ensure my ticket to Heaven so I would see my mum again, but then finding out what Jesus had done for me and that he would mend my brokenness, was just so attractive!

My relationship with Christ has taught me that I have value and purpose, because He laid down His life for me, so that I could be all that He wants me to be. I mess up daily, but I know that His grace is sufficient and His mercies are new each morning! My start looked incredibly bleak and who in this day and age would try to convince a woman in that situation to keep her child? My friend put it like this: my mum's pregnancy (me) wasn't the problem -- my mum's situation was. She needed to get all of us away from my dad. She should have been safe, she should have had someone to turn to, to help her relocate, and my dad really should have gone to prison or been committed. She thought she had no way out, but that should never be the case!

A baby is never the problem. A baby is a blessing. The circumstances and situation may be a huge problem, but they can be changed. I just really want people to understand that a bad start doesn't mean a bad end.

I am a wife, a mother, a foster parent, a volunteer for a homeless charity, a friend, a sister and a voice for the unborn. I am living out God's purpose for my life. It looked like such a bleak situation, but I had a reason for being -- as every child who is conceived does!

My husband is as passionate about defending the rights of the unborn as I am. I knew Paul when I was a teenager, and I had a crush on him then. We reconnected through Facebook and got married in 2013. We have so much respect for each other, so that even when we at times drive each other crazy, we are such good friends and we always have each other's backs.

Especially given my own beginnings, I am passionate about the unborn having a right to life! Just by defending the unborn, many think I'm being judgmental to those who have had abortions, but I'm really not. I hate abortion -- but just as I still loved my mum who had attempted to abort me, I don't hate people for having one.

BIO: Kerry Ann Beckley is a wife and mother, residing in Reading, England. She is a foster care giver, a worship singer at her church, and a pro-life blogger for Save The 1.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

The Abortion Was More Damaging Than the Rape, by Nona Ellington

My father was an evangelist, traveling and ministering where ever he was called.
 My mother was a devout Southern Baptist and my father was a full-gospel, spirit-filled Christian.  I was torn between two churches.  They were both very godly people but had different outlooks on the Bible because of their denominations.

I received Jesus as my Savior and was baptized at age 12 in the Baptist Church, but I did not understand the importance of daily prayer, and reading the Word of God.  

At the age of 13, I was raped by a 15 year old extended family member, stealing my virginity.  I was scared, having not received any sexual education at all.  I thought immediately that I would be pregnant.  I was afraid to tell anyone because this was a family member. Because he had given me marijuana beforehand, I felt ashamed that I had not seen it coming.

As a result, I turned to drugs, alcohol and sought attention from older men.  Within a year, I was raped by a cousin who was 10 years older than me  -- once again, after being given marijuana.  He drove me into the woods and raped me in his truck.  

At that point, I felt like there was a big sign on me, "Rape this girl."  After that, I went into a really dark place, again, feeling so much shame.  I didn't want the devastation in the family if I told anyone because I knew he would go to jail, and I didn't even know if anyone would believe my story.

I became distant with my parents.  I was involved in church, going church with my Mom, but found the worst crowd to hang out with there -- those who would smoke pot in the parking lot.  I was even in a private Christian school, but got kicked out at age 14 because of my activities.

In 10th grade, I started a public school and soon after met a boy who I began dating.  He took me to his cousin's house after school because no adults were home.  We smoked pot that must have been laced with something else, then he locked me in his cousin's room and raped me.  

He left me in the room where I was devastated, and I could hear him and his cousin laughing about it.  I felt like I just wanted to get out of there and get home, but I didn't even know where I was so I was still dependent upon the guy who raped me to be able to get a ride home. 

After few weeks later, I'd missed my period.  I called an older sister to tell her my predicament, and my sister began to tell me I needed to have an abortion.  At 15, I didn't even know what an abortion was.  My mother overheard our conversation, burst into the room and grabbed the phone from me.  During their conversation, my sister convinced my mom that I needed to abort. I have no idea how she achieved this, because my mom had 9 children and was, as I said, very devout. 

I was scared, so I made a "deal" with God:  "Please help me to not be pregnant.  If I'm not pregnant, I promise not to ever have sex out of marriage again."

That same sister took me to Planned Parenthood in Houston for a pregnancy test, where they confirmed my pregnancy, and I was in shock.  They told me that at this stage of only five weeks, "it" was only a blob of tissue. They also suggested that I needed an abortion, since I was so young and still in school. I didn't know what questions to ask as far as other options.  All that was discussed was abortion, and they referred me to another clinic to have one. 

I was devastated.  At school, I told all of my girlfriends and every single one recommended I get an abortion.  Everybody told me that it was really "no big deal, people do it all the time, especially since you're still in school."  Not one person suggested that I could keep the baby or choose adoption.  I felt abortion was my only choice, and completely lacked any education on pregnancy.
I was covered with shame and guilt, even before the abortion took place. 

When I told the guy who raped me that I was pregnant and needed money for an abortion, he denied that he was the father, which deepened my shame.  However, under pressure from my sister, he decided to tell everyone in school so he could gather money to pay for the abortion, and handed my sister a wad of 1's and 5's.

Around October, 1983, my Mom and sister took me to the abortion facility.  My Dad was never told until more than 20 years later.  My Mom, like me, knew absolutely nothing of what an abortion actually did to a baby or the woman, but she knew enough to hide it from my Dad.

The first thing I remember is that my mother was appalled, having noticed that there were women in the waiting room who were far along in their pregnancies, and she said to me, "What are all of these women doing in here?  They look like they are about to deliver."

My sister handled the paperwork, but my Mom and sister were not allowed into the counseling room.  The older woman there advised me that because I was so young and so small, I might not be able to have children later in life.  But marriage and children were the furthest thing from my mind in the moment and I was not afforded the benefit of having my mother there for me to help me make an informed decision.

In hindsight, I believe this was the first open door God gave me to not go through with it.  I really believe that, had my mom been in the room with me, we would have left.

The next thing I remember is being on the hard, cold abortion table.  I was never introduced to the doctor.  I just remember that he was a man.  As the nurse was prepping me, I could hear my mother's voice at the door, asking, "Is my daughter in there?", then her being told, "Ma'am, you cannot come in here."  We never discussed it since, but I believe my Mom was wanting to get me out of there -- the second open door.

I was told to focus on a baby mobile hanging from the ceiling.  Now that I look back on it, I see how sadistic that was.  

I could hear and feel everything that was happening to me.  I'd never been to a gynecologist before, and I felt like my entire insides were being ripped out of me.  I've heard it said that abortion is like rape, and it's true, but worse than rape because of the devastating level of violence involved.  The violence and pain of the abortion are more extreme in my memory than the violence and pain of the rapes.

I was bleeding profusely when I left.  My Mom and sister took me to a restaurant, but I passed out on my plate because I was so physically and emotionally exhausted.  After that, the subject of abortion was taboo with them.

Emotionally, I spiraled into a very destructive behavior of drugs, alcohol and promiscuous sex almost immediately following the abortion. I was completely spiritually void, rebelling against my Christian upbringing.  I also became emotionally numb, with not much regard for living at all.  

As I was going through the motions, trying to fill this huge void within me, I attached myself to an abusive relationship less than a year after the abortion, and I eventually married him at age 19.

The abortion did in fact ruin all chances of having children.  I suffered 5 miscarriages during my marriage of 18 years, which resulted in divorce. Three of these miscarriages were tubal pregnancies, requiring emergency surgery and very near-death experiences.  I so wanted an "atonement" baby to make up for the one I killed. 

At the age of 32, having suffered low self-esteem from the rapes, the abortion, the shame, the abusive marriage, the loss of my babies, and my infertility, I attempted suicide.  The experience of the abortion did not make the rape experience any better, but drove me into a much darker place, and I realize I'd been suffering from clinical depression all of those years.

God then began drawing me close to Him through listening to Christian music on the radio.  As the Lord was filling me with this influence of His Truth, I gave my heart back to Christ, and the radio became my Church.  I even committed myself to quit smoking.

One day, on my local Christian radio station, they happened to be holding was what was called the world's largest baby shower, benefiting local pregnancy resource centers.  I heard a woman speaking about the centers, and I knew I had to pick up the phone, call her, and make myself available to tell other women never to have an abortion. I realized that God had been working on me to see that so many of my struggles in life were caused by my abortion.

Up to that point, I'd still considered myself to be pro-choice, because I felt like I had been forced into an abortion and wasn't really given a choice.

As I visited the pregnancy resource center in central Houston, the director asked me if I'd ever had an abortion, and breaking my silence, I told her.  In order to volunteer, I was told I had to go through their post-abortion healing study called "Beauty For Ashes."  It sounded so refreshing to hear that something like this existed!

This study saved my life.  My abusive husband didn't want me going.  He didn't want me volunteering at the center.  It was a battle to come back to the Lord, but I received so much healing through this study.  I got to name each of my six babies, and God healed me to be able to minister to other people and change my life.

During this time, I'd also begun attending church with my Dad.  As I said, he was an evangelist, so I was too fearful to ever tell him about the abortion, until almost 20 years later as I was going through this study.  When I told him, he was devastated that he had lost a grandchild.  He said to me, "If I had known I had a grandchild, I would have raised that baby myself."

Abortion was the most selfish decision I ever made in my whole life. It affected everyone in my life and caused devastation to my mind, soul and body.  It caused the loss of my five other babies, my infertility, and I'm also convinced it caused me to get breast cancer at the age of 45 in 2014.  Research has proven that abortion can cause breast cancer -- especially early onset.

There is healing for broken hearts and lives after abortion, through the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. His work at the Cross of Calvary removes all shame, bitterness, self hatred and sin, if we only believe and receive Him in our hearts.
I pray that anyone reading this testimony who is considering abortion for their self or someone else would consider seeking help through a pregnancy care center that will share the truth in love about all of your options.  I'm convinced that if anyone had taken me to a pregnancy care center, I would not have had an abortion.

I want everyone to know that abortion doesn't fix rape, and the experience of abortion is more damaging physically and emotionally than the rape itself.  My child had every right to life and I would do anything in my power to have that child in my arms, or to be able to hand that baby to a loving couple.

BIO:  Nona Lynn Ellington is a pro-life speaker and writer, residing in Houston,
Texas.  Her ministry is Eagles Restoration Ministries.   She spoke at the Family Research Council press conference in DC in March, 2016, the day before the Texas HB2 US Supreme Court hearing. Her name and story, along with many others, was on the amicus brief filed with the high court by The Justice Foundation.  Nona is now a blogger for Save The 1 and available for speaking and testifying before legislatures. Watch a video of her sharing her post-abortive from rape testimony 
Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Pregnant by Rape at 15, That Baby Was Mine, by Diana Valeria Contreras from Chile

In the summer of 2008 in the South of Chile, I was raped at the age of 15. Time
passed, and I found out I was pregnant.  I was scared, and I didn’t want to be a mother, so I kept my pregnancy a secret.
I cried a lot and I was broken-hearted because there was another person living inside me and I didn’t have the right to do much more than protect him or her.  I tried to prepare myself mentally to understand what no one ever explains to you.

After three months, I miscarried the baby.  Later that same year, I attempted to take my own life.  Someone ended up bringing me to the hospital where I was finally treated for my depression.  I was suffering because it was horrible that the people who knew about my situation said that my miscarriage was a good thing.  They told me: "At least, you won't see the baby's face."

In the bottom of my heart, I had felt that baby was mine, despite knowing about his or her conception.  While I was pregnant, I had thought about what I would say to people if they asked me who was the child I had with me.  I thought about what I would say to my child if he or she had asked me about the origin of their horrible father, because I cared about my child.

The years passed by, I met a man who I fell in love with, and in 2014, I became pregnant with my second child.  But seven months into the pregnancy, my baby's heart stopped beating.  When I got to the hospital, the doctor told my mother about my first child, and, on top of that, the medical staff treated me rudely because they thought I had been negligent in order to miscarry at seven months.

I felt completely isolated as I gave birth because the medical staff wouldn't let anyone else into the room, and they immediately took my son away as if his life didn't mean anything.  I was left alone as I experienced a let down of colostrum -- the initial breast milk meant for the baby.  Eventually, I was able to see my son, Gabriel, under horrific circumstances -- inside a jar.  

I was deeply scarred, so hurt and unable to cope, that I was fired from my job. And then God began to work on the conversion of my heart, having experienced so much tragedy.

Having been raped at 15, becoming pregnant from such a horrible act, and then spontaneously losing that child -- my child, I felt abandoned by God despite knowing that He, in some form, had protected me when I attempted to take my life.

After I was raped, I had felt so worthless and ended up devaluing myself by allowing myself to be exploited, being prostituted.  I didn't care what happened to me anymore.  My body experienced a tremendous amount of chaos and there were no resources in my home to cope.

I dressed in black and got a tattoo of an enormous dragon on my back because I wanted to document my pain, my anger.  I had just seen the movie Millennium, and I could very much relate to feeling like I was in a strange paradox.  I didn't know how to express my feelings outwardly, so I got the dragon tattooed on my back as a statement.

When my son Gabriel died, I asked God, "Why do you let these types of things happen?" One day, I knelt down and told God, "Give me a reason to understand all this because I need a reason to stay in this world."

One day, a mom came up to me and asked for my help.  Given her situation, her need for assistance, and my opportunity to help her, I suddenly realized that everything -- absolutely everything -- has a purpose.  That's when I finally handed God my pain.

I started going to church and reading the Bible.  A group of Christian students helped me a lot.  I knew there were a lot of people who had suffered the way I had, and I didn't want them to feel worthless.  I left behind my black clothes and the meaning behind my tattooed dragon.  I told God, "You can't give me back my children, my virginity or the youth that I lost, but you can tell me how to help others."

I started by forgiving.  I forgave myself for despising myself.  After that, I did the difficult task of forgiving all the people who had hurt me:  the doctors, the nurses, and my rapist.  However, with forgiveness, I reached peace.

Today, I use that pain which is nostalgic, to fuel my passion to help others.  If I'm standing up today, it is thanks to God's mercy.  I learned that even the saddest things in this world have a purpose.  God is capable of taking your biggest hurt, your broken heart and returning to you the will to live.  He rewards you for every trial He allows you to go through.

Presently, I'm single and fighting for the lives of the unborn in memory of my children, in memory of my own pain, because what we need the most is support to keep going forward without having to kill anybody.

BIO: Diana Valeria Contreras is is the president of Foundacion Angel de Luz
(Angel of Life Foundation), an association which supports and defends the identities and lives of unborn children who have died.  She is also a pro-life blogger for Save The 1, with her story having been originally written in Spanish for our blog Salvar El 1, and translated by our Spanish-speaking editors.