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Wednesday, December 20, 2017
From Age 13, My Uncle Raped and Impregnated Me, But The Judge Said It's Irrelevant, by J.C.
I know what it’s like for someone to have that
fear instilled in you, but I don’t understand allowing horrific things to happen
to your children without one ounce of remorse. My step-dad just wouldn’t speak up and still
won’t. He is very passive and people easily
take advantage of him because he doesn’t defend himself, let alone his family.
It just became a thing that my Uncle Lenny
started sleeping in my room more frequently.
One day, child services showed up at our house and said there was a call
stating that my mom was letting a man sleep with her daughter. They brought my mom, my uncle and me into the
living room, and I just fell mute. My
mom and my uncle controlled the conversation and denied the allegations. She never told the social worker that the man
was her brother, so they didn’t find any cause to intervene, and closed the
case.
I'm sure you’re wondering why I didn’t speak
up and my answer is: I don’t know. I wish I would have now, but then It was
almost a way of life. I didn’t feel I
had any choice in what happened to my body. What if I would have told -- what then? I would go to live with a family member? They
were each as bad as the last.
When I became pregnant at 14 years old, my mom
freaked out! She told me she wasn’t
getting into trouble for this crap, so she took us to Tennessee to get married
because it was out of state and they figured no one would make the connection
that we were closely related. I don’t
even know if he was divorced yet, but my mom signed papers to emancipate me so
she wouldn’t be responsible for me any longer.
But we got into a fender bender that day and never made it to the court
house.
A couple of months later, at 15 years old, I
started bleeding and went to the doctor’s office. I ended up miscarrying that pregnancy. Surprisingly, this doctor never made a call
to child services, and never inquired of me as to who got me pregnant. Today I realize it was this doctor’s
responsibility to report this situation.
I could have been freed back then.
My mom then moved the family to Florida with
my grandfather, but said she didn’t have a room for me. I was stuck with my uncle. My whole family assumed I was his
responsibility. It’s just bizarre to
contemplate, but this was the Hell I lived in.
I always felt my mom could have stopped the
abuse from happening, but my grandfather pushed for it. I guess he didn’t want his son to get into
trouble because he was just as much of a creep.
My uncle and grandfather took me back to
Alabama, where I became pregnant again by my then 22 year old uncle when I was
15 years old. This son is now 14 years
old. Regardless of the horrible
circumstances -- conceived in incest, I loved my baby and would do anything to protect him.
I
withdrew from school and homeschooled through my 10th grade year. I hated school, though I got good grades. It
was painful that I had to see all these kids who seemed to have it all going
for them, while I was trapped living in a Hell with no hope to get out.
My uncle had always been verbally abusive, with
pushing, shoving, and jealous rage. But
when I became pregnant with my son, the abuse intensified. Lenny would tell me,
“I have a son. I don’t want another
one!" Well too late – he should
have thought about that before molesting his under-aged niece. I think his anger came from fear, fear of
being caught or going to jail. He would
choke me, sling me around by my hair, try to crash the car with us in it, and beat
me.
I would go to my mom’s and beg her to help me
leave -- to get away from him. She
would tell me that we had children together, and if anyone found out the
"secret," I would go to jail and my kids would be taken away. She convinced me of this and I believed her. I’ve kept this secret until now.
This abusive life continued until I left him
for good. It just progressively got worse
and worse each time. When I did try to
leave, he even had his sisters come after me and beat me.
When my son was born, I instantly loved him. From the very first time I laid eyes on him, my love was unconditional. But I was terrified the hospital staff would somehow find out the big secret and take him away from me. He received my maiden
name. Under “Father” on his birth
certificate, it is "unknown" because the family all said it was best,
to keep Lenny safe.
At 18, I got pregnant by my uncle for the
third time. My son was sickly and the
doctors wouldn’t listen to me. After a lot
of doctor visits and my persistence, my son was sent to a children’s hospital
where he was eventually diagnosed with Krabbe Disease -- a disease where
children inherit a defective gene from both parents. I remember the doctors asking us if the two of
us were related, because they said the odds of having an autosomal recessive disease are much higher when tge two parents,are related. Again, I
was terrified because he was there and because my mom had convinced me that my
children would be taken away.
The day my son was diagnosed, I was six months
pregnant in my 4th pregnancy, with my 3rd son. At this time, the doctor informed me that I
shouldn’t have any more children with this man and should consider aborting my
pregnancy. I was stunned a doctor would
suggest such a thing.
My son’s life expectancy was 13 months, and at
13 months, he coded and had to be life-flighted to Children’s Hospital. That was on a Friday, and Saturday, I went
into labor with my 3rd son and gave birth on that Sunday. I signed my release papers and went to live in
the Ronald McDonald house with a toddler and a newborn so I could visit my son
in the ICU during visiting hours. His life
story is a story in itself.
The whole time my son was there, I felt safer
because my uncle was at home, working, partying, and having sexual relations
with others. I was free from him, even
if just for a short while. My main focus
was my children.
After about six months, my son finally got to
leave the hospital and came home on life support. I was his caregiver and had a
nurse to come watch him while I slept at night.
My uncle was always an alcoholic, but he
started doing drugs as well. I hated
him. The very sight of him turned my stomach.
He stole my life.
My son died on January 9, 2008 and that
changed everything for me. I was able to
start distancing myself from my uncle and I went to work. He hated it -- the more independent I was, the
more abusive he became. So he demanded we marry on January 22, 2008. I knew it wasn’t going to last and that I
would soon find a way out, but I did what would keep the peace at the time.
The night I knew I had to get out soon, he had
been threatening me early in the morning, and I hid. He turned the power off, and I heard him
cocking the shot gun. I spent my whole
life trying to get away from him, but at that moment, I knew that if I didn’t
do it soon, he would seriously hurt me or likely kill me.
I got up one morning for work -- right after
him, I loaded my car down and left. I
never went back to him.
I filed for divorce in 2008, but he refused to
cooperate, and then he filed for a divorce.
After gaining the courage to leave him, I was abandoned by my family and
after a year or so, I found myself homeless.
With no funds to hire an attorney and too ashamed to tell the court
about the rape and incest, my uncle had legal custody of my sons for two years,
and wouldn’t even allow me to see them for six months at a time.
I was able to get on my feet. I married a wonderful man, and we were able
to regain custody of my two sons in 2012.
However, I still lived with the shame surrounding the abuse. I didn’t even tell my own husband. He found out two years ago and he was very
angry that I had kept this from him. At
that point, I told him that I was afraid that my children would be taken
away. He was very understanding, telling
me it wasn’t my fault and that I was a victim.
This is the first time I was able to really open up about it because
someone cared. That gave me the courage
to fight harder for my children.
With the support of my husband, in 2015, I
went to the DeKalb County Sheriff’s Dept to report the rape and incest. Because there is no statute of limitations,
the Sheriff pressed charges, but only for the rape and not the incest because,
he said, “it wasn’t necessary.” It went
to a Grand Jury, who found my uncle not guilty, saying there was not enough
evidence!
The Sheriff’s office told me how common these
cases were despite thinking they don’t happen often and said that, most of the
time, nothing ever gets done with them because too much time has passed or the
jails just can’t hold them. I was told,
since he is not an immediate danger or currently raping me, odds are he would walk
free, and he did.
All of this time, my uncle has had a court
order for unsupervised visits, but I’ve been in contempt of court for the last
two years. I finally broke my silence
this week and told the court about the rape and incest because there was an
emergency hearing for him to see my sons at Christmas.
At my hearing on Dec. 21, 2017, in DeKalb County District Court, Judge Steven Whitmire struck my pleading from the record and said I wasn't allowed to mention the rape or incest. I kept telling him "This is not in the past. That man is my Uncle!" But the judge said it's irrelevant and awarded my rapist three days of unsupervised visits during the holidays.
I’m terrified. I had to fire my court-appointed attorney because she didn’t want me to tell Judge Whitmire my children were conceived in incest and told me that it wouldn’t matter. I'm astonished that she was right! But this is far from over.
My voice hasn’t been heard. I won’t be silenced any longer and I want to encourage others to do the same. I want to advocate for laws to terminate the parental rights of rapists. No rapist should have parental rights – especially a child molester.
I’m terrified. I had to fire my court-appointed attorney because she didn’t want me to tell Judge Whitmire my children were conceived in incest and told me that it wouldn’t matter. I'm astonished that she was right! But this is far from over.
My voice hasn’t been heard. I won’t be silenced any longer and I want to encourage others to do the same. I want to advocate for laws to terminate the parental rights of rapists. No rapist should have parental rights – especially a child molester.
On Dec. 20th, I went back to the Sheriff’s office
stronger and bolder than ever, and this time, I was sent to the District
Attorney’s office and the D.A. says that with DNA evidence proving he’s my
uncle, as well as proof of my pregnancies at 14 and 15, they shouldn’t have any
problem prosecuting him on the incest and statutory rape charges.
My son died, as well as my first unborn child,
because of this man’s actions and I have to live with that for the rest of my
life. My uncle did more than molest me –
he took my child’s life. He caused both
of those deaths because of the genetics involved. He should be charged for raping me, and also
for the death of my son, and my unborn child who I miscarried.
I was a shy little girl who wouldn’t raise her
hand and speak out in class, but now, I am outspoken and one hell of a
go-getter. One of my favorite quotes is, "The pain you feel today, is the
strength you feel tomorrow." To
anyone else who has been abused, don’t let your past define you in the sense of
dictating your present choices.
I was so mad at God when I found out my baby
was dying. I cried out: “After all this crap I’ve been through, you
now take my baby too?!” I didn’t see why, but now I do and I will not let my
son's death be in vain! I will avenge
his death if it is by protecting my sons and helping other girls in similar situations.
So I ask you, what are you going to do to
advocate for victims? Don’t tell me “abortion”
because this wasn’t the babies’ fault.
Every child has a purpose. Help
rape victim mothers so that they can be protected from the rapist!
BIO: J.C. is a wife, mother of 5, and is keeping her identity private at this time.
Save The 1 President Rebecca Kiessling -- an attorney herself who has handled this kind of case in Michigan, has been networking to find pro bono legal counsel for J.C.. If you would like to assist with this effort, or if you would like to help contribute to a legal fund for J.C., please contact Rebecca
Save The 1 President Rebecca Kiessling -- an attorney herself who has handled this kind of case in Michigan, has been networking to find pro bono legal counsel for J.C.. If you would like to assist with this effort, or if you would like to help contribute to a legal fund for J.C., please contact Rebecca
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5 comments:
This poor woman has lived through hell! I feel so sad to know that anyone would have to experience such abuse and evil. Where was her protection?? The laws must change to protect the victims. People must change and have the courage to face and expose evil people.
I am disgusted at how our legal system protects perpetrators! I am saddened that her own family looked the other way and allowed this piece of filth to abuse her
May the Lord multiply His grace to you to bring righteousness, justice to the guilty and peace for the beautiful lady who has endured such evil.
Wow. This should become a #1 book and box office movie. I’m touched by your strength and angered at your mother and her family. I live in Florida and the thought I may be next door to those you wrote about has me sickened. The judicial system failed you. Do your children know your uncle is their father?
Know that you now have an army of people praying for you. Your best revenge is living out the rest of your Life full of love. I pray God use you to change the laws that will protect others from the horrors you experienced. Thank you strong, brave woman who is silent no longer.
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