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Tuesday, January 31, 2017

It Was Because I Loved Him That I Had to Let Him Go, adoption poetry by Patricia Lawrence

I'm a 78 Year Old Birthmom From Rape, and Have Never Regretted Saving His Life, by Patricia Lawrence

I'm 78 years old and I'm telling my story now while I still have the opportunity.  I want people to know that pregnancy by rape is not the fault of the child, so why should we punish the child for something the biological father did?

My teen years were difficult.  My mom was overly permissive while my dad was nowhere to be seen at this troubled time in my life. Dad even refused to pay the child support the court had ordered. To me, this meant they didn't love me.  So I joined the U.S. Women's Army.

Eight weeks into Basic Training, I went on a double date which was a blind date.  He was

also in the military, stationed at the same base.  All I remember is that we had all driven somewhere and he gave me a drink. I passed out and have no memory of the rest of the evening.  I don't even remember how I got back to the barracks or in bed.

Two weeks later, while standing in line for inspection, I passed out. I was taken to the base infirmary where the doctor examined me and said, "Private, because of your symptoms, I would say you are pregnant."  I replied, "I can't be pregnant because I have not done anything to become pregnant!"  He then said, "Still, we need to do a test to see if you are pregnant."

I was totally devastated to learn that I was pregnant. Since I hadn't been anywhere socially, I knew right away that it had to have been that night, and my date must have drugged and raped me.  Of course, I told the doctor what had happened, the Army did conduct an investigation and contacted the rapist, but they kept me out of it and I was never informed of anything.

My commanding officer gave me 48 to call home and tell my mother what had happened and that I was pregnant.  When I called home and told my mom I was being discharged from the Army because I was pregnant, she immediately asked, "Who, what, where, why, when and how?"  I told her about the rape, and she just said that I needed to come home. It took a few weeks for all of paperwork to be completed, I was discharged from the Army, and returned home.

My mother and two sisters met me at the bus station and we got into my mother's car.  Her first words to me were: "Patricia, you will have an abortion."  It was May, 1957, I was 18 years old, and I did not know what that word meant.  She told me it meant "they would take the baby" from me. The way she stated it, I knew that she meant something was going to happen very quickly, and that she wasn't saying they were going to take the baby from me after my baby was born.  I realized this meant they would kill my baby.

I said, "I will not have an abortion because that is murder and I will not stand before God as one who committed murder."  My mom replied, "Patricia, you're just being stupid."  Both of my sisters agreed that I should have an abortion.  I felt like I was being ganged up on, but I knew I had to stand for what was right.

The relationship between my mother and I grew colder over the next couple of weeks.  One afternoon, I was asleep on the bed and awoke to my mother holding a rifle within one inch of my face, square between my eyes. I was totally afraid for my life!  I instantly pushed the gun aside, frantically saying to my mother, "What do you think you are doing?"  She said, "I am trying to frighten you so much you will miscarry the child."

At that point, I determined I would leave my mother's home. She mocked me, asking, "Where will you go, who will have you?"  I said, "Juanita, my oldest sister will help me."  But
Mom said, "She doesn't want your shame."

However, within days I went to live with my oldest sister, Juanita. Shortly after I arrived at her home, my other sister Mary came to me and said, "Patricia, hold out you hand."  When I held out my hand, she dropped about 20 pills into my hand and said, "Mom says you are to take these all at once."  I knew enough to know that taking 20 of any kind of pill was dangerous for your health and that my mother was intending to kill me. I walked into the bathroom, stood over the toilet, dropped the pills in, and flushed them away as I told my sister, "I may be dumb, but I am not stupid."

After my son was born, my mother confessed to me that the pills were medicine that was given to heart patients, and had I taken them as instructed, according to doctors, I would have had a massive heart attack.  She never apologized, but I think in her own feeble way, she was trying to tell me she was sorry.

Finally, arrangements were made for me to go to the Salvation Army Home for Unwed Mothers in St Louis, Missouri, on November 2, 1957, where I was spent the remainder of my pregnancy.  In the home, I experienced for the first time in my life unconditional love -- love from the workers there who loved all of us, and never condemned any of the nine girls in their care.

My son was born on January 11, 1958, in the early morning hours. He was a big baby, weighing in at 9 pounds 2 ounces and was 23 inches long. As he was being delivered, since it was the Salvation Army policy at the hospital within the home for birthmothers placing for adoption, my eyes were covered with a towel. They also strapped my arms down so I could not remove the towel.  They did not let me see him until two days later when I was in the presence of a social worker.  

I was told that I could hold him, but I chose not to do so because I did not want him to bond with me since he needed to bond with his adoptive mother.  For his sake and for mine as well, I knew it was best that I placed him for adoption.  Even to this day, my heart breaks as I think about that moment, looking through the nursery window, telling him "I'm so sorry my precious little boy that I have to give you up, but for your sake and mine, I have to do this, so please forgive me."  I loved that child.  I had fought for him.  I knew I had done the right thing for him. 

I wasn't a believer -- I wasn't a Christian at that time, but I knew there was a just God, and that I was doing what was right before God and that He would honor that in some way.

Giving up this son for adoption was and still is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, but I knew his life was worth everything that I had gone through.

When I saw my son, I didn't see the rapist.  I saw my child, my own flesh and blood.

Two weeks later, I went back home and I was never allowed to talk about what I had been through. I was told by my mom, "now you will never find a decent man to marry you."  However, seven months later, I met Wayne.   

Terrified my mother would be right, nevertheless, about a month into dating, I told Wayne about my son.  I knew we were falling in love and felt he had the right to know about my story.  After telling him, he took me home and I thought, "There goes another one.  No one wants used merchandise."  Two days later, Wayne called me and asked if he could come see me.  He drove me to a wonderful spot in the San Gabriel mountains, parked the car under a beautiful pine tree, turned to me and said, "Pat, I don't care where you've been or what you've done.  What's important to me is what you can be to me now and in our future."  Five days later, he proposed to me.

We were married 36 years, 8 months and 2 days, and he loved me despite all I had been through. 

We went on to have three daughters.  I prayed to God, "Why didn't you ever give me a son to raise?"  I felt God answered me that my daughter was born on Christmas Day as a reminder to me that God knew what it was like to give up His only Son.

Years later . . . .  On May 20, 1993, we began the trip to Missouri to the hometown of my son, Bob. We had agreed to meet in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart. When Wayne and I arrived, we did not see anyone who might be my son, so we waited on a bench outside the store. In about 10 minutes, there was walking toward us a big man. He was 6'4" tall and he had his wife with him. I had described what I would be wearing so he knew how to identify me. As he approached, I felt like a piece of a puzzle had just been put in place.  We shook hands. We talked for a bit, then he asked us to follow him and his wife to their home.

That evening, Bob took my husband and me to the home of his mother for a dinner. It was
an honor to meet the wonderful woman who had mothered so well the son she got to raise. I have deep gratitude for the job she did, that I could not do. She's always been a hero to me.

I had made her an afghan as my gift to her for doing the wonderful job she had done in raising my son, her son. Although I am his birth mom, she is indeed his mother. She did all the things of a mother and did them well. In my mind she will always be his mother.

Before dinner she said, "Patricia, would you ask the blessing on our meal?" I was honored.

This time was a very special time as I got to talk to and hug my son for the first time. My heart was bursting with happiness, and I was feeling so good about having given him life, when others wanted me to abort him. 

I did give him the details of how it came about that the only thing I could do at the time, for his best interests and for mine as well, was to place him for adoption. When I told him the story, he said two words that made the wait of 35 years worth it all. He looked into my eyes and said, "THANK YOU."

Last year, a week after his birthday, my son completely surprised me by picking me up and taking me to lunch at a restaurant I frequented in my hometown.  I introduced my son to the waitress, telling her that this is the son I placed for adoption.  My son looked intently at the waitress, pointed to me and said, "I want you to know that this is one very strong woman."  My heart was bursting with pride that I would hear him speak those words.

I hope all of you can see how God takes the ashes of our lives and He makes them into a beautiful picture which He intends it to be!

BIO:  Patricia Lawrence is a widow, mother of 3 daughters, birthmother to one son,
grandmother to 7, and great-grandmother to 6.  She resides in Las Cruces, New Mexico at this time, but will soon be moving to Peoria, Arizona to live with her daughter, as she is losing her eyesight.  Pat has been a pro-life blogger for Save The 1, and has written a book of her life story which can be read here, and her story has been made into a radio drama -- Part 1, and Part 2. Read her adoption poetry here.
Monday, January 30, 2017

My Birth Resulted From Rape, But I'm Infinitely Grateful to Live, by Rebeca Solórzano from Mexico

My name is Rebeca Solórzano.  I come with a banner of light, which is life.

I was born in 1986. It isn’t frequent that a baby comes into this world under such adverse  circumstances like my own:  I was born from a very ill mother who was unable to care for a child, and, even more difficult is that my birth resulted from rape. And, under such circumstances, I didn’t have a father to watch over me or a mother, since she couldn’t take care of me.   Regardless, there are stories which seem like miracles, and I am a miracle.

I didn’t have a chance to live with my biological mother, but instead, two beings full of light came into my life, and they became my adoptive parents.

My father is a carpenter and my mother has worked in various trades.  I grew up with them in a humble family.  My parents always fought for their little girl.  They fought with patience and hard work, until I was able to fend for myself.  It wasn’t easy, but this gave me strength to face the challenges in my life and helped me to realize what I really wanted in life.  I lived with this amazing family for 23 years.  It’s been eight years since I found out about my origin, and today I share it with you.

There’s a voice inside me which knows that life is valuable without exception and I am infinitely grateful to live and to be the woman who I am today. This destiny has provided me with unique experiences, and I’ve learned from them.

When I studied, I had the opportunity to go on an exchange student program to Chile.  There, I met people who were incredibly talented.  Among them, I met the person who became my husband -- a man with a great heart.  Together, we’ve had three beautiful children, who grow and learn in giant steps.

Today, I give thanks for the large inheritance which, in life, my friends and family have left.  This legacy is the certainty that success in life isn’t only achieved through being on the T.V. or being famous, like a lot of people think. Success is achieved through fighting hard and triumphing in each and every battle that you live, no matter how small it may appear.  Loving and being grateful for the small details and the humility that, sometimes, we forget to have with others.

Day by day, I am aware of my origins and it helps me face life with courage.  I want to transmit this to the generations to come  -- from my children to the readers who for some providential reason are reading this:  life is the biggest gift we can have, and the decisions we make in it will define our destiny.  

I have a commitment to life and I will defend it with all my heart because I was allowed to live!  It’s time to protect the lives of the new generations who will create a new society in the world. 

BIO:  Rebeca Solórzano lives in Mexico with her husband and three children.  She is a pro-life blogger for Save The 1 and our Spanish division, Salvar El 1. Please pray for her as she testifies before Congress in Mexico. You can find her original story written in Spanish here:
Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Dear Feminists at the Women's March on Washington, by Caroline Jean

Dear Feminists,

A note concerning the Women’s March on Washington:

Susan B. Anthony, Mary Wollstonecraft, Alice Paul, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell would call those women who marched on behalf of abortion,"Tools of the patriarchy."

Women deserve better from our society than abortion as an answer to our social problems.  In fact, Feminists for Life founder, Serrin Foster explains: “Abortion is a reflection that society has not met the needs of women.”  Our feminist foremothers knew that, and so they condemned the act of abortion, calling it infanticide -- and this was prior to 4D ultrasound technology, which reveals beyond a doubt that abortion ends a rapidly developing human life.

Except for some unwitting participants, the women who attended the March last Saturday enforced the terrifying concept that some human beings are property.  They rejected science and the modern concept of human rights to parade for the ability to destroy the life of their own offspring.  The March on Washington allegedly concerned the inauguration of President Donald J. Trump.  In reality, the event -- sponsored by Planned Parenthood and NARAL (National Abortion Rights Action League) was a marketing tool for the abortion industry.  This was proven by their removal of Students for Life of America, And Then There Were None, and the consistent non-violence group, New Wave Feminists.  

The Women’s March on Washington clearly and tangibly defined feminism for millennials as nothing more than an accessory for white women.  It’s a trendy laptop label and a hot pink bumper sticker.  I wanted to believe that the March was truly dedicated to the concept of protesting sexism and empowering women. However, as I read the standards required to participate, I realized that the principles the organizers established were really only extensions of the Democratic Party. I quickly noted that those who deviated from a radical leftist agenda were excluded by the March’s leadership. My concern was validated by the behavior of the women at the March toward Pro-Life feminists, who were accosted, assaulted, and forced to endure the humiliation of having their signs ripped apart in front of them.

I write this as a woman who was once pro-abortion, even into the third trimester. I was particularly convinced that those conceived in rape or with fetal abnormalities deserved the death penalty. I once bought into the lie that level of development determined the value of a human being, as well as their method of conception, and their future utility. My former blind belief in abortion, backed by neither science nor logic, has made me now skeptical of huge social movements. Indeed, in this season of life, when I see the band wagon rolling passed, I usually prefer to walk rather than to ride. I am now a pro-life feminist who opposes violence against women, wage inequalities, long-standing cultural bias, and abortion. I still wear hot pink because Planned Parenthood does not own the color, just as they do not own the ability to dictate what it means to be a feminist.

My conversion to Pro-Life occurred in 2013, when Georgia Right to Life brought their display, the Pillars of Personhood, to my college campus. I initially approached the display with anger, but eventually returned to speak with the counselors concerning abortion and why I felt it should remain legal. This encounter changed my views and my life, as those present patiently walked me through the panels of their display. That day, I was more informed and became Pro-Life, while remaining a feminist.

Our feminist foremothers, who established what it meant to be a feminist, would not have been present at the Women's March on Washington -- except perhaps to prove that feminism is actually pro-woman, pro-child, pro-life.

In essence, feminism boils down to three tenets: non-violence, equality, and non-discrimination.  Second Wave Fauxminists altered these tenets as simply "equality of genders" in the latter half of the Twentieth Century so that they could justify abortion.  Make no mistake -- there is nothing more violent and discriminatory than abortion.  There is nothing more hideous and demeaning and objectifying than a woman feeling that she has no other choice but to give birth to a dead baby.  There is nothing more violating for a woman than to have her uterus wrenched open with a metal rod, and her baby gutted from a place that should have been a weapon free zone.  There is nothing more hateful than a 10-week old baby, with his or her organs in place and a heartbeat, attempting to evade the lethal grip of the abortionists' sopher slip. There is nothing more anti-human rights than using an ultrasound to watch a human baby attempt to evade the instrument which will dismember him, which will crush his heart, which will decapitate him.

There is nothing more cruelly ironic than the fact that the only way for a doctor to go into an abortion, without doing so blindly, is to use the baby's heartbeat to find him.  And then the only way to know that the baby is truly dead is to piece his little body back together again on the cold metal table.

Yet, just as women marched to prevent suffrage, these women march to protect an institution which only really furthers the interest of men.  But don't worry ladies, the real feminists are approaching Washington -- the March for Life is Friday.

For Life,
Carly McCurry

BIO:  Caroline Jean is a senior at the University of North Georgia and the President of UNG Students for Life.  She's also a pro-life speaker and pro-life blogger for Save The 1

Rape Exceptions in Congress -- A Broken Record, by Jim Sable

In this new and fully Republican-controlled legislative session, the 115th Congress, there are currently seven pro-life related bills which have been introduced.  There are an infamous five of them which Save The 1 would like to call to your attention and voice a strenuous objection to, as currently written.  Why object to a pro-life bill?  All 5 contain a rape exception.  

HR7, just passed in the House on January 25,2017, is attempting to defund abortions, including via the ACA (Affordable Care Act) / Obamacare.  The 20-week ban, a/k/a The Pain Capable Unborn Child Protection Act -- HR36, is back with the rape exception included . . . again.  HR217 is intended to eliminate abortion funding through Title X, except in cases of rape.  HR354 is a standalone “Planned Parenthood defunding bill” unless the abortion provider says the woman was raped.  HR490 is an attempt at an abortion ban after a fetal heartbeat is detectable, . . . except in cases of rape.  (We do not yet have the official wording of this bill to verify on, but an unofficial draft circulated by the American Life League includes a rape/incest exception.)

The other two exception-free bills are: HR37, The Born Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act; and HR586, Human Life Begins At Fertilization. We commend the bill sponsors for providing equal protection.

So, once again, lawmakers, those organizations which endorse them, and pro-life leaders and organizations which approve of and recommend public support of these laws, feel as though they have the right to negotiate away the right to life of the rape and incest conceived.  Repeatedly, the pro-life leadership in Washington allows the politicians to define what it means to be pro-life.  

However, we at Save The 1 object to these bills as is. 1) We are persons too, so it is
personal. It is our lives placed within the crosshairs -- these laws with exceptions are dehumanizing, demoralizing, and would have put our preborn lives at risk years ago, but most importantly, put others similarly-conceived at risk today. 2) We also object for long-term pro-life strategic reasons and present day, real world enforcement reasons.

There have been promises for decades, claiming that the exceptions strategy will change, and that compromised, exceptions-laden laws will be “fixed”.  As we see in these bills, we are nowhere near the fulfillment of those promises.  When will these master strategists finally know that it is time to end the rape exception era in Washington?  What, specifically, has to happen?  Strange, because contained within that oft-repeated promise is a realization -- an actual admission -- that something is wrong.  You don’t have to fix something which is not broken. So, they are actually confessing that the “exceptions” strategy is a broken strategy.

And it is indeed a broken strategy because of the huge, unenforceable loophole which is created by adding exceptions to pro-life laws.  What is created is a self-negating law.  We are handing enforcement of these laws to Planned Parenthood and other abortion clinics.  These entities are already not following the laws which are in place.  Consider Lila Rose’s Live Action Planned Parenthood stings exposing Planned Parenthood covering up underage rape cases. It's counter-intuitive to now trust them with victims of sexual assault!  Is there anyone policing all of these clinics in a substantial way?

It is a broken strategy because any exception we hand the abortion industry will lead to more.  Additional exceptions would no doubt be sought by the pro-abortion side, should, by some future effort, an abortion ban with a rape exception pass into law. These added exceptions would be only a court decision away from being implemented, as the rape exception is given force of law by OUR side, keeping abortion legal forever.

It is a broken strategy because, in an effort to placate those of us objecting to the addition of a rape exception to a pro-life law, certain oversight or safeguard provisions are added, attempting to ensure the exception loophole would not be abused or negated.  The pro-abortion forces in Congress object almost as strongly to a law with (attempted) restrictions attached to the rape exception as they would to a principled law with no exceptions at all, as we saw with Renee Elmers and her five Republican women.

What happens when these bills get debated in Congress?  The pro-abort congressmen, one after another, try to present a sympathetic case that abortion is compassionate and protective of women after a rape conception.  We are armed with the truth of what it takes to support a woman through her trauma after rape while also protecting her baby.  When there is a rape exception in a law, pro-life legislators are prevented from telling life-affirming stories, full of hope and redemption, of mothers from rape/incest, or rape/incest-conceived individuals.  These stories would overwhelm the darkness of the pro-abortion side.  Without a positive pro-life counter argument, the other side actually (albeit, erroneously) appears more compassionate towards the pregnant rape victim and we lose in the court of public opinion -- even if the bill ultimately passes.   

It would be extremely effective to add the testimony of the mothers from rape and their rape-conceived children. Save The 1 has a database of over 450 with these stories who want to make a difference. Although we've stood ready and waiting, offering our life stories to the process, we have inexplicably never been asked or invited by the pro-life leaders in Washington.

It is a broken strategy because it throws rape-conceived babies under the bus and tells those of us similarly conceived who have been born, “Your lives are less valuable.”  Laws with exceptions allow the death penalty for the rape/incest conceived babies, while the rapist receives a lesser sentence or none at all. Approximately only 1% of rapists are ever convicted of their crime, as charged.  Furthermore, rape-conceived babies feel pain like everyone else.  Our hearts beat like everyone else's.  Yet, these laws forsake us and even put a price on our heads.  Our executions are paid for with tax dollars.

It is a strategy filled with the hypocrisy of those who are “personally against the rape exception,” but willingly support the exceptions in law. Sacrificing the lives of children conceived in rape is still child-sacrifice -- a deplorable practice through the ages. Who is it protecting? Not rape victims when they're four times more likely to die within the next year after an abortion. Our lives are sacrificed to protect certain politicians and to protect the favor of pro-life leaders among those politicians.

Pro-life leaders in Washington treat our lives as so negligible that in social media and press releases, there is not even a footnote mentioning that a rape exception is included in the legislation.  We’ve been told by pro-life leaders that the grassroots doesn’t need to know about the exceptions -- that you are better off not knowing.  Why don’t they have the courage to publicly admit their support of rape exception bills and there embracing of an exceptions strategy?  Why is this the dirty little secret in the pro-life movement?  It is amazing how many people tell us that they never knew there were exceptions in various laws and policies, including the Mexico City policy just celebrated. And why are there so few pro-life leaders sounding the alarms?

We hasten to ask: Who wouldn’t vote for a clean, no-exceptions bill at this moment in political time?  Are those supporting these laws with exceptions saying that a clean law is “too pro-life” and would not pass?  At the state level, things are much different.  Michigan and Georgia, for example, have kept the rape exception out of their pro-life laws -- completely.  It just takes the will -- the strategy -- to do it.  

We encourage you to visit the Congressional website and check out this group of bills and read the discriminatory and impotent exceptions language.  Some of the bills make an attempt at (unenforceable) exceptions regulation, auditing standards and reporting requirements; some have no regulation at all.  It is a complete, convoluted mess.

Please join us in our objection to the exceptions included in this pro-life legislation in Congress.  Here is a list of the proposed laws, the main sponsor’s name and contact information.  Please contact the offices of the following members of Congress, and also your own U.S. Reps., to demand a higher standard: 100% pro-life, no exceptions.  Let’s not allow the politicians to define what it means to be pro-life.  Please show the congressmen that there are still people who care about our lives.

HR 7 – To Prohibit Taxpayer Funded Abortions (including in the ACA/Obamacare)
Sponsor:  Chris Smith,  R.,  New Jersey,  4th District
Phone:  DC  (202) 225-3765
              NJ  (732) 780-3035,  (609) 286-2571,  (609)585-7878

HR 36 – Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act
Sponsor:  Trent Franks,  R.,  Arizona,  8th District
Phone:  DC  (202) 225-4576
              AZ  (623) 776-7911

HR 217 – Title X Abortion Provider Prohibition Act
Sponsor:  Diane Black,  R.,  Tennessee,  6th District
Phone:  DC  (202) 225-4231
              TN  (931) 854-0069,  (615) 206-8204

HR 354 – To Provide For A Moratorium On Federal Funding To Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc.
Sponsor:  Diane Black,  R.,  Tennessee,  6th District
Contact:  Please see above

HR 490 – To Amend Title 18, United States Code, to prohibit abortion in cases where a fetal heartbeat is detectable.
Sponsor:  Steve King,  R.,  IA,  4th District
Phone:  DC  (202) 225-4426

              IA  (515) 232-2885,  (515) 573-2738,  (641) 201-1624,  (712) 224-4692,  (712) 580-7754

BIO: Jim Sable is a husband and father of 4 -- 3 biological sons and one recently-adopted
daughter from China. He and his wife Wendy are both adopted. Conceived in rape, Jim is also a Board Member, national pro-life speaker and pro-life blogger for Save The 1.
Thursday, January 19, 2017

My Daughter May Have Been Conceived By Rape, But I Have So Much Love For Her, by Nicole P.

On June 24, 2015 I was raped by the one person that was never supposed to hurt me -- my husband.  At his hands, I suffered a long history of domestic violence, unwanted sexual encounters, attempted murder and a miscarriage.  

I hadn’t had sex with my husband since the end of April because he had and STD he refused to treat.  I didn’t dare to have sex with him even if we used a condom. At that point he was irate that I wouldn’t sleep with him.  I was on pain medication because of a foot injury.

One night, I took a pain pill, took off my walking boot and got ready for bed.  I’m not sure how long I was sleeping but I woke up to him touching me. The room was dark and I was groggy.  I told him to stop, that I didn’t feel good.  He wouldn’t listen.  He tried grabbing for me more, and I elbowed him.  I told him to stop again, that I wasn’t having sex with him.  He then began forcing himself on me.  I was hollering at him to stop and get off of me.  I told him no, that I didn’t want to do this.  I began squirming around kicking as best I could.  It was hard to try to get away with my foot in so much pain.  I remember being hit with something, scratched and pushed around as he tied my wrists up.  When he started choking me, I thought I was going to die.  

When he was done, he untied me and said nothing.  He laid down and went to sleep like it didn’t happen.  I reached around the bed for my clothes and what he tied my wrists with.  I wrapped myself with a sheet and hobbled to the bathroom.  I sat on the floor for over an hour crying before I could compose myself.  He had tied me up with an extension cord.  I found this bizarre because I don’t remember one being in the room.  All I could think was he planned this all out.  It wasn’t a spur of the moment thing.  He was no longer my husband -- he was now my attacker.

I had been abused verbally, mentally, physically, sexually and economically by the person who chose me in life.  He had promised  to love me forever and protect me.  What he actually did to me is not love -- but sick!  We hadn’t had any sexual contact after that incident. 

I found out I was pregnant the week of my birthday -- pregnant from the night he raped me. When he found out I was pregnant, he began a plot to kill me.  Nevertheless, I was able to escape with my life.

I later found out there was a hemorrhage attached to the baby.  I contemplated an abortion because I was afraid there was nothing I could do to keep him away from my baby.  But the first time I felt my unborn child move, I knew an abortion wasn’t in the picture.  As my baby grew, my son decided to call my unborn child “baby bean” because we didn’t know the gender yet.

I had spoken to my attacker and seen him on occasion.  He never admitted to the rape or attempted murder.  He never spoke of the miscarriage from a prior pregnancy when he was abusing me.  He apologized for some things and begged me to take him back, but I refused.

At eight months into my pregnancy, my husband was coming over to discuss divorce and what to do regarding "baby bean." He was in a good mood and figured it was time we had this conversation like adults, but instead, he used this opportunity to bind and rape me again.

He then took me to the hospital because I was having contractions.  He stayed the entire time.  I never told the nurses what happened because he wouldn’t leave the room and I was frozen.  I was so afraid he damaged my baby and I just felt so vulnerable.

Despite all of the abuse and the stress, I instantly loved my little girl so much!  She may have been conceived by rape, but I had so much love for her the moment I laid eyes on her.  She was so beautiful and perfect -- my tiny miracle!  I chose to keep her and love her unconditionally.  She never inflicted any pain on me.  She was just created and that’s all there is to it.  

I told my attacker I had her later that morning.  He never asked how either of us were.  He just called me filthy names.

Abortion shouldn’t be the solution to a situation like mine, and women shouldn’t be forced into adoption either.  It took a lot of suffering and courage to finally leave and I’m glad I have a voice now and the opportunity to share the truth about what happened to me.

BIO:  Nicole P. is a mother of two and pro-life blogger for Save The 1.