Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Doctor Said to Abort or She Would Die, by Kirk Barker

I didn't know I was lost until I was saved and I had no idea that the path I was living could nearly result in another person dying.  I am Kirk Barker and I am the founder of Cameron's Chance Pro-life Advocacy.  I went from being a non-believer, to a believer, to a follower of Christ Jesus.  Because I was a non-believer, I was blind to God's miracles -- most significantly, the miracle when God saved my wife and son 16 years ago.  
For a good part of my life, I was a non-believer.  Although I'd been raised in church until the age of 12, once my parents divorced, I turned my back on God.  I denied God.  My parents had stopped taking me to church.  I couldn't understand why life was the way it was.  One excuse I used was, "If there is a God, why does He let bad things happen to good people?"  

Chassidy and I were living together for about three months before she became pregnant around Christmas, 2001.  We planned on marrying, but didn't feel rushed to do it anytime soon.  God was not at the forefront of our discussions.  We may have talked about religion or faith from time to time, but God was not a part of our decision-making or lifestyle.  On January, 12th, 2002, when we learned she was pregnant, abortion was not a consideration because we knew abortion was wrong and we knew we would be getting married anyway.  We were scared, but definitely happy about it at the same time.

However, Chassidy soon became very sick.  She lost 42 pounds in just one month and was hospitalized most of this time.  The doctors never gave an official diagnosis, but by mid-February, the doctor told us, "There is nothing more that we can do.  If you don't terminate the pregnancy, she will die."  At about two months into her pregnancy, we knew that meant the baby would die too.  So there was no question of her life versus the child's life.  

Both of us were devastated.  We were crying, sad, and scared.  We had already suffered so much with her health deteriorating, then to be told to abort was even more difficult.  This was not a place you would ever want to be in.  I didn't want to lose the love of my life and I didn't want to lose my baby.

Unfortunately, we took the doctor's advice -- a decision we made together.  We got the procedure all set up.  On February 26, 2002, we went to the abortion clinic -- The Women's Center in Nashville, Tennessee.  Chassidy had been released from the hospital.  The clinic was about a 30-minute drive from our home.  We really didn't want to go through with it.  We were about to lose our son.  I can't even remember the car ride.

We parked our car and as we began walking toward the clinic, we saw pro-life supporters.  Chassidy was a little nervous about them because she didn't know if they were going to start yelling at her.  But instead, they approached us with friendly smiles, and love and kindness.  I remember them pleading with us not to go through with the procedure.  We told them we didn't want to abort, but explained our situation.  They apologized for our predicament, and prayed for us. I was very appreciative and thankful that they cared for us even though they didn't know us.

We can't thank God enough for the pro-life supporters He put on that sidewalk that day.  I know many people call them protesters, but in my opinion, they are not protesting anything.  They are there sharing God's message of life -- that every child is a blessing.

Sadly, we proceeded into the clinic anyway.  Just before we were about to sign what we call "the death certificate" to our son, God answered those prayers and intervened.  My wife looked at me and said, "I don't care if I die.  I am not going to kill our baby."  I was relieved in that moment, and just had hope that she would somehow get better.

We got up and walked out.  

Afterward, we just went about our lives.  I was working.  She was resting at home.  Two weeks later, God healed Chassidy.  She stopped throwing up and was better in every respect.  She never went back to that doctor who told her to abort.  Thankfully, she found a new doctor who she felt took really good care of her and the baby.

The rest of the pregnancy was good once she got feeling better.  Our son Cameron was
born full-term on September 16, 2002, perfectly healthy, with no complications.  The first words out of Chassidy's mouth were, "Oh gosh, he looks just like Kirk!"  

Three weeks later, on October 5th, we were married, but we didn't even marry in a church -- merely through a Justice of the Peace.  It was years before we finally gave our lives over to Christ.

Today, we have an awesome 15 year old son.  Praise God!

However, that decision to terminate our son, even though we didn't go through with it, weighed very heavily on our hearts for many years.  It tore at our hearts.  It made our lives very difficult.  We were angry at ourselves, angry at the doctor, and angry at the decision we had made.  We could barely talk about it.  

We went on to have another child.  This time, Chassidy lost 30 pounds at the beginning of that pregnancy.  But with what we went through with the first pregnancy, we assumed she would be able to fight through it and be okay, and we were right.  Our daughter Caitlin was born March 15, 2004.  

Life went on.  In early 2007, we ended up getting custody of our niece and nephew when they were one and two years old.  We were just happy-go-lucky folks, taking things as they came.

Then in April of that year, we lost everything in a house fire.  Our son Cameron at age three had climbed up high to get a box of matches, lit a match, dropped it on a chair setting fire to the chair, which rapidly spread.  Thank goodness, my wife was able to quickly get all four children out of the house without any of them being harmed.  The rental home burned to the ground.  The only belongings we had were in the car, which included my son's t-shirt that ironically read, "Future Firefighter." Today, we can laugh about that part of it, but at the time, it was devastating.

Shortly after the house fire, we began attending church, knowing we were missing God in our lives.  Initially, it was short-lived.  Again we were away from God, just living our lives.  But then my wife became disabled with RSD -- reflex sympathetic dystrophy, and I ended up getting custody of my 12 year old daughter from a prior relationship.  We knew that all of our children needed more structure and that being in church and growing closer to God would also strengthen our marriage. 

In 2012, I was baptized, but I didn't truly become a follower of Christ until God directed me to build a Christian community group for special needs teens.  God moved my family and me to a land where we didn't know anyone, to build something nobody heard of.  This made my faith in God even stronger.  This situation made me understand that God provides for his children -- that everything we have, everything we go through, is by His grace.  I now understand that God will open the doors when He sees fit, and that everything is on God's timing, not on our timing.  I came to understand that I had been living my life wrong up to this point.

My redefining moment was when I was blessed to have the opportunity to share our abortion testimony at a Catholic Church.  I had been in a non-denominational Bible study -- a men's group, when a priest walked in, believing God had told him to be there that day.  Somehow, I began to share about our experience.  I'd very rarely ever told anyone about this difficult story.  The priest then asked me to share it at his parish, and this was life-changing for me, and for our family.

My son Cameron knows his story now and he's of course thankful that we didn't kill him and
he is very pro-life!  He's even spoken at events with me.

Because we waited so many years to act, we can't go back and thank that person on the sidewalk.  So God put it on our heart to share our story to be a light to others.  Through all of this, God healed our hearts. 

Last year, we wrote a post on our Facebook page Cameron's Chance Pro-life Advocacy.  This post was written to thank the person on the sidewalk and to encourage others:

"We will never know your name. You may not even know that God placed you there to save our son. 14 years ago, you stood on that sidewalk and prayed for us.  It was your prayers that helped save our son.  Words can never express our gratitude for what you have done.  Let the words of this message be a constant reminder of the great work that you do -- to be a reminder that you made a difference.  We didn't know who you were, but you cared for us as if we were your own.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  We are forever grateful. God bless!"

Bio:  Kirk Barker is a husband and father of three, Founder of Cameron's Chance Pro-life Advocacy, and pro-life speaker and blogger for Save The 1.
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Wednesday, December 27, 2017

With 6 Other States, Alabama Doesn't Protect Rape Victim Moms and Their Children, by Rebecca Kiessling

Alabama urgently needs to pass The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act, to terminate the parental rights of rapists and to suspend any custody or visitation.  Last week, a rape survivor mom from our network, J.C., published her story in our Save The 1 blog, "From Age 13, My Uncle Raped and Impregnated Me, But The Judge Said It's Irrelevant."  In her custody case for her two surviving children conceived in rape-incest, DeKalb County, Alabama Judge Steven Whitmire told her that their conception was irrelevant, and granted her rapist uncle visits over Christmas.  Determined to protect her children, she's sought protection from the County Sheriff's office, imploring them to file charges against him for the years of rape.

All four of her children were conceived in rape-incest -- the first two were conceived when she was under "the age of consent" in Alabama.  J.C. miscarried her first child, and her third child died at 2-1/2 years old, due to a serious genetic disorder -- Krabbe Disease -- which was the result of the genetics involved in being too closely related.  These children died because of her uncle's actions.  In Alabama, incest is a Class C felony and statutory rape with a victim under the age of 16 is 2nd degree rape -- a Class B felony.  There is no statute of limitation for rape in Alabama, so he can be prosecuted for the rape and incest.  Yet, the judge didn't see his being a child molester as relevant to parenting.

A Fox News article from Apr. 2017 highlights the fact that Alabama is only 1 of 7 states (joining Mississippi, Minnesote, North Dakota, Wyoming and New Mexico, which has NO law providing for the termination of parental rights of rapists: In 7 US states, rape victims can be legally forced to share custody of their children with their rapist fathers
 
So exactly what needs to be done in Alabama?  Under current law, Alabama Code - Section 26-18-7, there are 8 subsections listing grounds for termination of parental rights.  At the outset, the standard of judicial review is set forth:  "If the court finds from clear and convincing evidence, competent, material, and relevant in nature. . . ."

For Alabama, all that's needed is a 9th subsection stating:
(9)  That the parent raped the other parent and the minor child was conceived as a result of the rape.

Furthermore, Alabama and other states should follow Michigan's example and also provide protection in the code on custody and visitation to authorize a judge to suspend those rights. Typically, this is how the issue of a rapist seeking parental rights first comes up -- on a paternity/child support case or other family law matter.  These mothers like J.C. need immediate relief and should not have to file an actual termination of parental rights case in order to be immediately protected by the court in a family law matter.

Yes, there may be other language under current law which a judge may decide to employ in order to do what's right and suspend or terminate parental rights, but the law should be explicit so that every judge understands what is expected of them, and that the public will not tolerate awarding parental rights to rapists.

In Michigan, with the law passed the way it was, my client in the recent Sanilac County case of national attention was able to be protected.  My client's rapist molested her when she was 12 and he was 19, but during her pregnancy, he had only been convicted of "attempted" criminal sexual conduct due to a plea deal, and then years later, Judge Gregory Ross awarded him joint legal custody and parenting time without a hearing, by simply signing an order presented to him by the Prosecutor's office in a paternity case, without my client's consent.  But the judge reversed himself because of the law passed in Michigan in 2016. The Michigan case is one with a happier ending, demonstrating the importance of getting this legislation passed in every state.

Here is detailed information on the Michigan law from Right to Life of Michigan, who made this project a priority in it's legislative agenda:
 https://www.rtl.org/legislation/PendingLegislation/RapeSurvivorChildCustody.html  Because of my experience in working with so many rape victim mothers who have fought their rapist over custody and visitation issues, I emphasized the need for authorizing judges in family law matters to be able to suspend these rights upon a finding by "clear and convincing evidence" that the child was conceived in rape.  One of these Michigan companion bills passed in 2016 addresses custody and the other addresses parenting time.

Florida passed this law unanimously a few year ago, which was the impetus to Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz co-sponsoring with Sen. Sherrod Brown the Federal Bill, The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act, signed by Pres. Obama in 2015. H.R.1257 - 114th Congress (2015-2016): Rape Survivor Child Custody Act 

The law gives an incentive to states which pass legislation with the necessary language, as follows: 

"Directs the Attorney General to make grants to states that have in place a law that allows the mother of any child that was conceived through rape to seek court-ordered termination of the parental rights of her rapist with regard to that child, which the court shall grant upon clear and convincing evidence of rape.

"Limits such a grant to: (1) an amount that is not greater than 10% of the average of the total funding of the three most recent awards a state received under the STOP Violence Against Women Formula Grant Program and the Sexual Assault Services Program; and (2) a one-year term, subject to renewal for not more than three additional years.
"Requires a state that receives such a grant to use: (1) 25% of grant funds for permissible uses under the STOP Violence Against Women Formula Grant Program, and (2) 75% of funds for permissible uses under the Sexual Assault Services Program."
Please note the Federal law says "shall grant," not "may grant," so if the court determines the child was conceived in rape, then terminating parental rights is not discretionary.  The Federal law is gender-specific -- "a law that allows the mother. . .", but all of the states where I've worked on this have passed gender-neutral bills because men get raped too -- particular cases of statutory rape.  In fact, I'm currently working with a father in Iowa who actually got a rape conviction, but the judge in the custody case said he doesn't believe in statutory rape and that for a 15 year old boy, having a naked woman in his bed was "manna from Heaven."  More to come on that story. . . .
In the Federal law, Congress made the following findings:  
(1) Men who father children through rape should be prohibited from visiting or having
custody of those children.
(2) According to several studies, it is estimated that there are between 25,000 and 32,000 rape-related pregnancies annually in the United States.
(3) A substantial number of women choose to raise their child conceived through rape
and, as a result, may face custody battles with their rapists.
(4) According to one study, 32.3 percent of women who were raped and became pregnant as a result of the rape kept their child.
(5) Another study found that, of the 73 percent of women who became pregnant as a result of a rape and carried their pregnancies to term, 64 percent raised their children.
(6) Rape is one of the most under-prosecuted serious crimes, with estimates of criminal
conviction occurring in less than 5 percent of rapes.
(7) The clear and convincing evidence standard is the most common standard for termination of parental rights among the 50 States, territories, and the District of Columbia.
(8) The Supreme Court established that the clear and convincing evidence standard
satisfies due process for allegations to terminate or restrict parental rights in Santosky v. Kramer (455 U.S. 745 (1982)).
(9) Currently only 6 States have statutes allowing rape survivors to petition for the
termination of parental rights of the rapist based on clear and convincing evidence that the child was conceived through rape.
(10) A rapist pursuing parental or custody rights forces the survivor to have continued
interaction with the rapist, which can have traumatic psychological effects on the survivor, making it more difficult for her to recover.
(11) These traumatic effects on the mother can severely negatively impact her ability to
raise a healthy child.
(12) Rapists may use the threat of pursuing custody or parental rights to coerce survivors
into not prosecuting rape, or otherwise harass, intimidate, or manipulate them.

Last year, I helped get this law introduced and passed in Iowa, Georgia, Michigan, and Indiana, and I was able to assist or consult in many other states.  I also got legislators in Brazil and in Malta to initiate this legislation, and whenever I speak in a nation's Parliament, I always try to get legislators to sponsor this bill.  It's not just an issue in the U.S., but globally of course.

A bill to terminate the parental rights of rapists is being reintroduced in Maryland this coming month.  Some states like Ohio got it wrong by requiring a rape conviction, when it's estimated that only 1% of rape victims ever see their rapist convicted as charged.  As Congress and the U.S. Supreme Court found, the proper standard in termination of parental rights cases is "clear and convincing evidence."

But we need more advocates for this law.  Please see if your state requires a rape conviction or if it uses the "clear and convincing evidence" standard.  And if you live in one of the seven states that has no law -- contact your legislator with this information and advocate to get this passed!  I've reached out to a handful of legislators in Alabama, but ideally, ever single one should be contacted.

If you have progress and a bill sponsor, please let me know!  I can certainly arrange for rape victim mothers to testify.  With my experience as a family law attorney, having litigated these cases myself or working on them with others, I can offer a lot of insight for legislators who may have questions.  

In addition, we desperately need a network of attorneys nationwide who also would be willing to handle these cases pro bono.  Right now, the mother in DeKalb County, Alabama is in need of a pro bono lawyer, as well as the father in Iowa.  Please contact me if you are able to assist now or in the future.

As someone conceived in rape myself, I can tell you that I would not have wanted the rapist to be anywhere near me growing up!  Our global network of rape survivor mothers and those conceived in rape is now nearly 550 strong, and we've seen this issue come up quite a bit.  These mothers and their children deserve to be protected.  Won't you help us?  

BIO:  Rebecca Kiessling is an international pro-life speaker, blogger and attorney,
advocating for the rights of rape victim mothers and their children.  She's the founder and president of Save The 1, and co-founder of Hope After Rape Conception.

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Tuesday, December 26, 2017

The Child is Unexpected Joy After The Trauma of Rape by Darlene Pawlik

After the trauma of rape, Save The 1 moms experience unexpected joy. There are a number of
reasons, but one of the biggest is made possible by generous donors, like you.

We thank you.

Donors make it possible for new rape survivors to find us and to engage in a community of others who truly understand the many aspects of dealing with rape conception. It is with your help that we can reach those who need us the most.

The complexity of rape conception can only be understood by those who have actually experienced it. There is anger, misplaced guilt, imposed shame, denial, relief, frustration, revulsion, love, fear, and a myriad of other emotional states that fluctuate wildly at any given moment.

Each situation differs as well. For me, the culmination of a lifetime of sexual abuse meant that I would deal with complex trauma. My biological father sexually abused me from toddlerhood and that core violation made me feel worth less than other people. It was a perfect set-up for a pimp to notice me at thirteen years old. I survived four brutal years of juvenile sex trafficking. My pregnancy was not the result of one rape, but many.

I knew it wasn't the baby's fault. She was merely a second victim of the hideous crime, but many people in our society hold onto a confused compassion. They believe that rape victims who become pregnant should submit to abortion. Saving my baby saved my life and she brings me tremendous joy everyday.

Save The 1 moms are able to find joy in knowing that there are others, many others, who have come through similar experiences victoriously. Whether parenting or placing their children for adoption, we are a safe, understanding group with which to share trials and gain perspective. So, we can find joy, even in the midst of what would otherwise be so devastating.

For those moms who have submitted to abortion after rape, your donations help to reach out to bless them with peace and hope, and resources for dealing with the aftermath of the additional trauma that abortion imposed on them. Your donations mean they hear the love and kindness of our 100% pro-life-pro-love community of believers.

This year Save The 1 speakers, men and women who have been conceived by rape or incest, moms or post abortive moms from rape, and parents or children targeted for abortion due to a poor prenatal diagnosis, have reached around the globe. 

Our President, Rebecca Kiessling had a huge impact from Ireland and Rebecca traveled and spoke in a number of countries in Europe, as well as South America. That means that tens thousands of people heard her in person and millions through media coverage.  Lives were impacted and public policy affected.

Here in the states, Brad and Jesi Smith, whose daughter has Trisomy 18, spoke at a number of events, as did I and others. Our message, that the people called "exceptions" in pro-life discourse are actually human beings with names, faces, value and are worthy of protection. That is literally being heard around the world because of your generous giving.

Your gifts enable us to purchase booth space at events like conventions, physician's conferences, political meetings, community events, the March for Life, and many others where we meet people who either had no idea how public policy became the way it is.  Many politicians endorsed as pro-life and even several major pro-life organizations push exceptions into laws which might protect women and children from abortion.  Some hold to the discriminatory idea that rape-conceived babies are somehow different from any other babies, or less worthy of protection.

The blog and podcasts, social media presence, our appearances and dissemination of resources are making such a difference!  We've collaborated with other pro-life organizations throughout the U.S. and globally to share our stories through documentaries, tv and radio ads, billboards, and on other websites.  Our Spanish division is thriving, our Portuguese division is growing, and we are now launching a Polish and German division, to reach more people with our stories and so noone ever has to feel alone with a difficult history.

We hope you have experienced great joy this Christmas and we are expecting a tremendously influential New Year with expanded projects to reach more people with the vital message that every human life is valuable.

You can make a tax deductible, year-end donation here today and help reach more people and Save The 1 -- the least of these.


Thank you so much for all of your support and sharing the 100% Pro-Life message.


-- Darlene Pawlik, Vice President of Save The 1, Pro-Life Speaker and Blogger. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband of 27years.

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