Follow Save the 1
Showing posts with label Rape Survivor Child Custody Act. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rape Survivor Child Custody Act. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
She's My Shining Light Out of The Most Awful Situation, by "Malia"
It was the start of my junior year. I was a normal 16 year old teenager. Over the summer, my parents renewed their vows which was like a second wedding for them. I enjoyed going to the lake where my uncle lived. I did things with my friends, enjoyed my close-knit family, and was looking forward to starting another school year. Dating wasn't an interest for me since I was so focused on friends, family and studies. All of that changed when I was targeted and raped by a convicted sex offender.
In October 2016, I was spending the night at a house behind me. We've known this family for about 8 years. My friend was a year older than me. Her older sister Paige, age 25, offered to take us for a ride and meet up with her family. As soon as we got to her family's house, there were a couple of older men there, and I was very uncomfortable -- pleading with her three times for her to take us home.
I'd prefer not to go into details of that horrific night, but it resulted in this 32 year old man, Shane R. Rodgers, raping me. After that, I was never the same. My parents knew something was wrong. I didn't want to go school. I didn't want to get out of bed or go anywhere. I couldn't sleep without my light on and I never wanted to be alone. Suffering with fear and shame, I kept it all in.
I knew pregnancy was a possibility, but was relieved when I continued to have a regular cycle. However, about six months after the rape, I began to feel distinct movement in my abdomen. So a friend and I went to the dollar store and got a pregnancy test, which showed up positive. I was a virgin when I was raped and never had relations since, so I knew right away what this meant. I went to the 25 year old neighbor who had driven me to the house that night, and told her I was pregnant. Paige took me to a clinic which confirmed my pregnancy.
That night, I told my mom, but Paige had convinced me to say it was a stranger, because she was afraid of getting into trouble herself. I was naive and didn't know she had set me up all along -- basically, trafficking me to her cousin (with whom she was having sex) who was a convicted child molester who'd already gone to prison with a plea for attempting to rape an 11 year old girl. I thought she was trying to protect me, while all along I was just a simple pawn in her sick, twisted game.
My mom was shocked, but showed me love and support. We told my dad when he got home from work the next morning, and I broke down and ended up telling him everything. My dad was of course furious, and we called the police. The rapist was arrested that same evening, and I'm glad to say, he's been in jail ever since.
In fact, he was just sentenced by Judge Margaret Noe in Lenawee County with a plea deal for 3rd degree criminal sexual conduct, and will be serving out the 6 year remainder of his prior sentence, plus another 5 to 10 years for raping me. I never thought I'd share my difficult story publicly, but after seeing comments under the news coverage of his sentencing, I feel I need to speak up and not be silent any longer. This man admitted in court as to what he did to me -- he admitted it wasn't consensual and that I was lured to the home by my neighbor. I went through hell and nobody but myself will ever understand. When I realized that people were defending a man who could do something so awful and continue on without a care, I was so hurt, but now I have found my voice.
No girl ever deserves to be raped. It is never her fault. Clearly this man has been a predator for a long time, and I'm only now learning that Paige not only trafficked me, but many other girls as well.
As far as my daughter, she is everything to me, and she is the one who is getting me through the trauma of the rape. I've been homeschooling for my senior year. I won't be going to prom. I won't be graduating with all of my peers. We moved away because I was tormented by my neighbors after going to the police. My whole life has changed, yet, my child is not to blame -- just like Judge Noe pointed out in Court at his sentencing when she said, "The child bears none of the ugliness of what he did." She showed a lot of compassion for me and my daughter, and I was really touched when I heard what all this good judge had to say.
My baby girl is my hero. If it hadn't been for her, this child molester would still be free raping other
I was horrified last fall when I saw that a judge in Sanilac County, Michigan gave joint legal custody and parenting time to another two-time convicted child molester, and I was immediately afraid a judge could do the same once my rapist gets out of prison. His family was already trying to send me friend requests on social media, and I needed to be sure my child would forever be safe from all of them.
So my mom contacted the attorney who had represented the mother in Sanilac County and ultimately got her and her child protected from the rapist. Rebecca Kiessling agreed to handle my case for free as well, and explained the law that was passed in the summer of 2016 which was intended to protect women like me who become pregnant by rape.
Fortunately, at his sentencing in Lenawee County, Shane Rodgers signed the two key court papers we needed him to sign -- the judgment of paternity and the order revoking paternity (as required by the Michigan Rape Survivor Child Custody Act.) However, I just found out that Judge Theresa Brennan in Livingston County won't just sign the consent order, but is requiring my attorney to file a motion on it. I'm so scared. I thought it would be simple if he was agreeing to the termination of his parental rights. I just want this part over with so I can have peace of mind that whatever happens in the future -- whether it's him getting out of prison, with regards to his family, or if something were to happen to me, then I could know my child will be safe and protected by the courts.
Some people think I made the wrong decision in keeping my daughter. Some even tried to convince me to give her up for adoption. It was a tough decision for a teenager to make, but my daughter has been the shining light that came out of the most awful situation.
When I first held my child in my arms, nothing could ever compare to that moment. I knew that she was innocent in all of this. I'll never forget that she helped me get justice for the both of us.
I'm still healing to this day, I still have trouble coping with what happened to me, and I know it will be with me for the rest of my life, as well as my daughter's. I never want someone to go through what I went through, and I want to encourage anyone who has: yes, it may be hard, but please don't be afraid to ask for help or speak out. Don't be ashamed of what happened to you as I was. You had no control. And I promise, one day, it will get better.
I'm still healing to this day, I still have trouble coping with what happened to me, and I know it will be with me for the rest of my life, as well as my daughter's. I never want someone to go through what I went through, and I want to encourage anyone who has: yes, it may be hard, but please don't be afraid to ask for help or speak out. Don't be ashamed of what happened to you as I was. You had no control. And I promise, one day, it will get better.
I really want to thank the Michigan legislators who passed that law so the rapist won't have any part of my child. If you ever wonder what kind of difference you can make, you are making a real difference in my life and the life of my beautiful daughter!
BIO: "Malia" is a 17 year old homeschool student about to graduate and is the mother of one. She's now a pro-life blogger for Save The 1, and wants to help other rape survivors.
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
With 6 Other States, Alabama Doesn't Protect Rape Victim Moms and Their Children, by Rebecca Kiessling
Alabama urgently needs to pass The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act, to terminate the parental rights of rapists and to suspend any custody or visitation. Last week, a rape survivor mom from our network, J.C., published her story in our Save The 1 blog, "From Age 13, My Uncle Raped and Impregnated Me, But The Judge Said It's Irrelevant." In her custody case for her two surviving children conceived in rape-incest, DeKalb County, Alabama Judge Steven Whitmire told her that their conception was irrelevant, and granted her rapist uncle visits over Christmas. Determined to protect her children, she's sought protection from the County Sheriff's office, imploring them to file charges against him for the years of rape.
All four of her children were conceived in rape-incest -- the first two were conceived when she was under "the age of consent" in Alabama. J.C. miscarried her first child, and her third child died at 2-1/2 years old, due to a serious genetic disorder -- Krabbe Disease -- which was the result of the genetics involved in being too closely related. These children died because of her uncle's actions. In Alabama, incest is a Class C felony and statutory rape with a victim under the age of 16 is 2nd degree rape -- a Class B felony. There is no statute of limitation for rape in Alabama, so he can be prosecuted for the rape and incest. Yet, the judge didn't see his being a child molester as relevant to parenting.
A Fox News article from Apr. 2017 highlights the fact that Alabama is only 1 of 7 states (joining Mississippi, Minnesote, North Dakota, Wyoming and New Mexico, which has NO law providing for the termination of parental rights of rapists: In 7 US states, rape victims can be legally forced to share custody of their children with their rapist fathers
So exactly what needs to be done in Alabama? Under current law, Alabama Code - Section 26-18-7, there are 8 subsections listing grounds for termination of parental rights. At the outset, the standard of judicial review is set forth: "If the court finds from clear and convincing evidence, competent, material, and relevant in nature. . . ."
For Alabama, all that's needed is a 9th subsection stating:
(9) That the parent raped the other parent and the minor child was conceived as a result of the rape.
Furthermore, Alabama and other states should follow Michigan's example and also provide protection in the code on custody and visitation to authorize a judge to suspend those rights. Typically, this is how the issue of a rapist seeking parental rights first comes up -- on a paternity/child support case or other family law matter. These mothers like J.C. need immediate relief and should not have to file an actual termination of parental rights case in order to be immediately protected by the court in a family law matter.
Yes, there may be other language under current law which a judge may decide to employ in order to do what's right and suspend or terminate parental rights, but the law should be explicit so that every judge understands what is expected of them, and that the public will not tolerate awarding parental rights to rapists.
In Michigan, with the law passed the way it was, my client in the recent Sanilac County case of national attention was able to be protected. My client's rapist molested her when she was 12 and he was 19, but during her pregnancy, he had only been convicted of "attempted" criminal sexual conduct due to a plea deal, and then years later, Judge Gregory Ross awarded him joint legal custody and parenting time without a hearing, by simply signing an order presented to him by the Prosecutor's office in a paternity case, without my client's consent. But the judge reversed himself because of the law passed in Michigan in 2016. The Michigan case is one with a happier ending, demonstrating the importance of getting this legislation passed in every state.
Here is detailed information on the Michigan law from Right to Life of Michigan, who made this project a priority in it's legislative agenda:
In Michigan, with the law passed the way it was, my client in the recent Sanilac County case of national attention was able to be protected. My client's rapist molested her when she was 12 and he was 19, but during her pregnancy, he had only been convicted of "attempted" criminal sexual conduct due to a plea deal, and then years later, Judge Gregory Ross awarded him joint legal custody and parenting time without a hearing, by simply signing an order presented to him by the Prosecutor's office in a paternity case, without my client's consent. But the judge reversed himself because of the law passed in Michigan in 2016. The Michigan case is one with a happier ending, demonstrating the importance of getting this legislation passed in every state.
Here is detailed information on the Michigan law from Right to Life of Michigan, who made this project a priority in it's legislative agenda:
https://www.rtl.org/legislation/PendingLegislation/RapeSurvivorChildCustody.html Because of my experience in working with so many rape victim mothers who have fought their rapist over custody and visitation issues, I emphasized the need for authorizing judges in family law matters to be able to suspend these rights upon a finding by "clear and convincing evidence" that the child was conceived in rape. One of these Michigan companion bills passed in 2016 addresses custody and the other addresses parenting time.
Florida passed this law unanimously a few year ago, which was the impetus to Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz co-sponsoring with Sen. Sherrod Brown the Federal Bill, The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act, signed by Pres. Obama in 2015. H.R.1257 - 114th Congress (2015-2016): Rape Survivor Child Custody Act
The law gives an incentive to states which pass legislation with the necessary language, as follows:
"Directs the Attorney General to make grants to states that have in place a law that allows the mother of any child that was conceived through rape to seek court-ordered termination of the parental rights of her rapist with regard to that child, which the court shall grant upon clear and convincing evidence of rape.
"Limits such a grant to: (1) an amount that is not greater than 10% of the average of the total funding of the three most recent awards a state received under the STOP Violence Against Women Formula Grant Program and the Sexual Assault Services Program; and (2) a one-year term, subject to renewal for not more than three additional years.
"Requires a state that receives such a grant to use: (1) 25% of grant funds for permissible uses under the STOP Violence Against Women Formula Grant Program, and (2) 75% of funds for permissible uses under the Sexual Assault Services Program."
Please note the Federal law says "shall grant," not "may grant," so if the court determines the child was conceived in rape, then terminating parental rights is not discretionary. The Federal law is gender-specific -- "a law that allows the mother. . .", but all of the states where I've worked on this have passed gender-neutral bills because men get raped too -- particular cases of statutory rape. In fact, I'm currently working with a father in Iowa who actually got a rape conviction, but the judge in the custody case said he doesn't believe in statutory rape and that for a 15 year old boy, having a naked woman in his bed was "manna from Heaven." More to come on that story. . . .
In the Federal law, Congress made the following findings:
(1) Men who father children through rape should be prohibited from visiting or havingIn the Federal law, Congress made the following findings:
custody of those children.
(2) According to several studies, it is estimated that there are between 25,000 and 32,000 rape-related pregnancies annually in the United States.
(3) A substantial number of women choose to raise their child conceived through rape
and, as a result, may face custody battles with their rapists.
(4) According to one study, 32.3 percent of women who were raped and became pregnant as a result of the rape kept their child.
(5) Another study found that, of the 73 percent of women who became pregnant as a result of a rape and carried their pregnancies to term, 64 percent raised their children.
(6) Rape is one of the most under-prosecuted serious crimes, with estimates of criminal
conviction occurring in less than 5 percent of rapes.
(7) The clear and convincing evidence standard is the most common standard for termination of parental rights among the 50 States, territories, and the District of Columbia.
(8) The Supreme Court established that the clear and convincing evidence standard
satisfies due process for allegations to terminate or restrict parental rights in Santosky v. Kramer (455 U.S. 745 (1982)).
(9) Currently only 6 States have statutes allowing rape survivors to petition for the
termination of parental rights of the rapist based on clear and convincing evidence that the child was conceived through rape.
(10) A rapist pursuing parental or custody rights forces the survivor to have continued
interaction with the rapist, which can have traumatic psychological effects on the survivor, making it more difficult for her to recover.
(11) These traumatic effects on the mother can severely negatively impact her ability to
raise a healthy child.
(12) Rapists may use the threat of pursuing custody or parental rights to coerce survivors
into not prosecuting rape, or otherwise harass, intimidate, or manipulate them.
Last year, I helped get this law introduced and passed in Iowa, Georgia, Michigan, and Indiana, and I was able to assist or consult in many other states. I also got legislators in Brazil and in Malta to initiate this legislation, and whenever I speak in a nation's Parliament, I always try to get legislators to sponsor this bill. It's not just an issue in the U.S., but globally of course.
Last year, I helped get this law introduced and passed in Iowa, Georgia, Michigan, and Indiana, and I was able to assist or consult in many other states. I also got legislators in Brazil and in Malta to initiate this legislation, and whenever I speak in a nation's Parliament, I always try to get legislators to sponsor this bill. It's not just an issue in the U.S., but globally of course.
A bill to terminate the parental rights of rapists is being reintroduced in Maryland this coming month. Some states like Ohio got it wrong by requiring a rape conviction, when it's estimated that only 1% of rape victims ever see their rapist convicted as charged. As Congress and the U.S. Supreme Court found, the proper standard in termination of parental rights cases is "clear and convincing evidence."
But we need more advocates for this law. Please see if your state requires a rape conviction or if it uses the "clear and convincing evidence" standard. And if you live in one of the seven states that has no law -- contact your legislator with this information and advocate to get this passed! I've reached out to a handful of legislators in Alabama, but ideally, ever single one should be contacted.
If you have progress and a bill sponsor, please let me know! I can certainly arrange for rape victim mothers to testify. With my experience as a family law attorney, having litigated these cases myself or working on them with others, I can offer a lot of insight for legislators who may have questions.
In addition, we desperately need a network of attorneys nationwide who also would be willing to handle these cases pro bono. Right now, the mother in DeKalb County, Alabama is in need of a pro bono lawyer, as well as the father in Iowa. Please contact me if you are able to assist now or in the future.
As someone conceived in rape myself, I can tell you that I would not have wanted the rapist to be anywhere near me growing up! Our global network of rape survivor mothers and those conceived in rape is now nearly 550 strong, and we've seen this issue come up quite a bit. These mothers and their children deserve to be protected. Won't you help us?
BIO: Rebecca Kiessling is an international pro-life speaker, blogger and attorney,
advocating for the rights of rape victim mothers and their children. She's the founder and president of Save The 1, and co-founder of Hope After Rape Conception.
Monday, October 30, 2017
When I Look at My Son, I Have Never Thought of Him as Being Born From Rape, by Alisha Weiler
I'm
finally ready to tell my story about having become pregnant by rape because the
more of us that tell our stories, the better chance we have of being heard. This is hard for me, but we have to start
somewhere first.
When I
was 18, I was supposed to go on a double blind date with my best friend (who
was pregnant at the time) and her boyfriend.
We were supposed to meet at the bowling alley, but supposedly my blind
date’s truck didn't work and he was at his step-father’s bar, so we met
there. We drank quite a bit -- not my
friend who was pregnant, but her boyfriend, me and my blind date. I had never really drank before, so I was
certainly naïve. My blind date kept
serving up shots of Tequila. I know I
was under the legal age to drink, and should have known better. . . .
I ended up really sick, throwing up on the
bathroom floor, and was carried out by my blind date. I remember being put in my friend’s boyfriend’s
car. I passed out, and then I woke up as
I was being pulled out and carried to my blind date’s apartment. There was only a couch and no lights. I
thought that was odd. My blind date put
me on the floor in a room and I passed out again. I woke up naked and in pain, with him on top
of me. I was groggy, but I knew what he
was trying to do and told him “No!” and managed to roll over, but he continued
his efforts of forcing himself on me, and I began screaming. I couldn’t understand why my friend and her
boyfriend had left me alone and why nobody responded to my screams.
After
he raped me, he left the room, and I remember finding a pair of pants nearby and
putting them on. I just sat there, my
knees to chest, head down in my arms, rocking back and forth crying and
confused. After a few minutes, he came
back in the room and attempted raping me again.
He grabbed my arms and tried to push me back, but I fought hard. He got angry and left, slamming the door
behind him.
I quickly got up and opened the door and yelled for my friend because I was afraid he would come back again. She was in the next room crying. I told her what happened and she told me he attempted to rape her too, and that her boyfriend and my blind date had planned the whole thing. He didn't rape her, but he tried, and they had a massive struggle which ultimately resulted in her losing her baby hours later.
Her boyfriend
wasn't in the room with her at the time I walked in, and I don't know where
they were, but eventually they came back in and her boyfriend decided to take
us home.
He dropped us off at about 3:00 a.m. on a road close by her house and made us walk home from there. Her boyfriend told me that the guy who raped me said to tell me, whatever he did to me, he's sorry.
The
next morning, my friend lost her baby. I was too ashamed to tell my parents or
anybody that I’d been raped.
Eight
weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.
When the nurses and doctors heard that I was pregnant by rape, they
tried to convince me that aborting my baby or adopting my baby out would be the
best thing for my baby. I was in
disbelief! I was just traumatized, and
now they want to do that again? More
violence, more trauma? Why would I kill
an innocent child? Why would God give me
a gift so I can say, “No, I don't want what you just gave to me,” and throw it
right back at God like a piece of trash? My child is human and he deserves to live!
My
parents found out I was raped and pregnant when they overheard me tell a friend
on the phone. Of course, they were upset
that two months had gone by and I had not told them, but they were extremely
supportive of me and my baby. They had raised me to be pro-life, and I knew it
was never okay to kill a baby.
Once my
parents knew about the rape, we proceeded to report it, as well as my
girlfriend reporting her attempted rape and loss of her unborn child. We both got restraining orders against
him. This was all in Florida. My parents moved us to Texas when my son was
four months old, and the wheels of justice were turning slowly.
My
biggest concern was making sure he could not have parental rights to my
child. At the time, Florida law did not
protect me and my son. However, a few
years ago, the Rape Survivor Child Custody Act was passed in Florida to
terminate the parental rights of rapists.
So, in order of us to be protected from the rapist, when my son was
about six months old, a deal was made through his lawyer that he would agree to
the termination of his parental rights in exchange for me dropping the charges
against him.
I felt
guilty for not going through with the charges because he could just do the same
thing to someone else, but my ultimate goal at this point was to protect myself
and my son. It was very difficult
dealing with the whole situation and even just the thought of returning to
Florida and seeing him again in court.
When I
look at my son, I have never thought of him as being born from rape. Life has
He
knows that people think that if a child is born from a rape, then that child should
be aborted. He told me that he’s glad I
didn’t abort him and that he’s happy to be alive. My son still has not told
anyone his story himself. I’m sure he
doesn’t want to be ridiculed for it.
I’ve
told him that it can be a cold, hard world, but I am sharing my story now
because people need to be aware that these babies don’t deserve to die for
someone else’s crime. I’d like to get
the message across that there are more women like me who love our children who
were conceived in rape, and like my son, who deserve to live – and without
shame to them.
Why would people think it's okay to take that right to life away? It's time to speak out and up for these babies who should never be denied life!
For many years, I felt like I must be the only one who was raped and is raising her child. I can't even describe how it felt to be so alone in this. But now, through Save The 1, I have met dozens of other mothers. I want other women to know that there are others of us and we understand.
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Thankful I Didn't Kill My Innocent Baby Conceived in Rape, by Aimee Kidd
Last Monday, I received a call from
the District Attorney’s office stating they did not have enough evidence to
file criminal charges of any kind against my rapist. I literally collapsed on the floor upon
hearing the news. The wind was knocked
right out of me. That wasn’t enough,
however. The story of my rape,
pregnancy, and birth of my child made a lot of local news headlines because of my demands for justice, so when
the DA made the nine page memo describing why he wouldn’t pursue any criminal
charges against my rapist public, the media had a field day. Within a couple hours, my face was once again
splashed all across the television and social media.
The
reaction on social media was nothing short of disgusting and devastating. Sure, I had support from friends and family,
even from strangers who have been following my story, but the nasty comments
were hard to ignore.
I read things like:
“Your credibility went out the
window when we found out you had a bunch of different kids with a bunch of
different fathers.”
“You’re a
known drunken whore.”
“You are a
liar.”
“You belong
in jail.”
But the worst was:
“I feel sorry for that poor baby. I hope the father will finally get to see his
baby.”
Immediately, I began to pray. I pleaded that God would protect my child. In the state of Wyoming , telling your rapist “No” is not
enough to prosecute a rape. In Wyoming , being
incoherent, drunk, or drugged is not enough for a rape conviction. Further, a rapist has total access and
ability to exercise his parental rights to his child conceived in rape without
a conviction. In other words, it's open season on women.
My mind wandered to a dark
place. I thought about the fact that, had I just snuck out
of town and had an abortion, no one would’ve ever known about the rape. My rapist wouldn’t be able to fight for
custodial or visitation rights. No one
would be calling me a liar or a whore.
I wanted to slap myself. I sobbed and looked down at my beautiful
little girl and I thanked God for her. I
am so thankful God protected her, and I didn’t kill my precious and innocent
baby with an abortion. How dare I let my
mind even consider such horrible thoughts, just because of the cruelty of others.
I refocused and praised God.
Having my beautiful daughter, finding my
voice, giving hope and inspiration to other women who have been victims of
sexual assault, and advocating for victims' rights was worth whatever public
backlash I was receiving via social media and within my community. I was being labeled a liar and a whore. I was being told I made the entire thing up
just so a "potentially loving father" wouldn’t get to see his baby -- never mind the fact that he never sought to see her. So despite all of my public advocacy for my rights, for rape
victims and victims' rights, I learned I have a long road ahead of me with the
news of the DA not being willing to file charges.
My fight is just beginning. I am so thankful for the people who continue
to support me and who continue to stand beside me. I am proud of the choice I made to keep and
parent my baby conceived in rape. I will
continue to fight tooth and nail to ensure my rapist cannot exercise parental
rights to her. With the help of social
justice advocates and local legislators, I hope to achieve legislation that
will actually protect babies like mine.
If a woman is brave enough to
report her rape, give birth to a child conceived in rape, and speak out against
a flawed legal system, the last thing she should ever have to worry about is
her rapist having access to her child.
No wonder so many women are forced into silence and feel as if they are
forced to abort. What a nightmare to be
faced with the potentiality of having to co-parent with a rapist!
I am so thankful for the
legislators who have reached out to me and offered support to pass a bill in
the state of Wyoming which will include language to prevent rapists (even
without a conviction) parental access to the child conceived in rape -- The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act. I hope other legislators will see our laws are
flawed. Rape is almost impossible to get an arrest, let alone to convict in my state. Loving mothers who become pregnant by rape shouldn’t be further
victimized by being forced to subject their innocent children to rapists. Our laws need to be fixed. Rapes need to be easier to prosecute; police
need to be given all the tools to investigate a rape swiftly; and children
conceived in rape need protection from their mother’s rapist.
Please keep my family and my
beautiful baby in your prayers. I
declare God will protect my child -- a precious blessing He bestowed upon
me.
Thank God for protecting her and
loving her. I pray He continues to do so.
BIO: Aimee Kidd is a mother of 6, self-employed, in Casper, Wyoming, and is a pro-
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Forced to Devise a Parenting Plan With My Rapist, by Ashley Beal
During Christmas break of my Sophomore year, at age 16, I stayed
with my 24 year old 2nd cousin.
One night, she had a 19 year old guy come over who she’d
met in a chat room. Everyone was
drinking, and I believe that our drinks must have been drugged. I briefly "came to" in the basement while the guy was raping me and then must have passed out again. When I awoke, I was alone. I ran upstairs to get my cousin, but the guy was still there and I was frozen. Once I had the opportunity to speak with my cousin, I asked her what had happened, but she didn’t
remember anything either.
The upcoming weeks after being raped were quite disastrous. I had vowed to myself not to tell anyone. I felt like trash. I felt disgusting. I felt like I deserved it, and that nobody
would believe me anyway.
A couple of weeks later, after realizing that I had missed my
period, I decided to take a pregnancy test. The pregnancy test was immediately positive. I was in disbelief. I felt ashamed and sick, as my child’s father was a rapist. I wasn't sexually active, so I knew that was
the situation I was facing – that I was pregnant from rape
Abortion never crossed my mind.
I had a Christian upbringing and I was always taught that children are a
blessing, so even though I was facing this pregnancy by rape, I actually became
excited about having a baby. However,
when I told my cousin I was pregnant, she immediately told me that I need to
get an abortion.
My parents were upset of course.
I’d never seen my father cry until I told him I’d
been raped and that I was pregnant. He
cried like a baby, then went through an angry period. He took me to the police station, but they
just said it was too late for a rape kit and they weren’t
going to do anything since I was 16 and they said they rarely get convictions
under such circumstances.
Over the course of
my pregnancy, especially during the summer of 2004 leading up to the birth of
my son, I had people call and ask me if I was giving my son up for
adoption. My mom would answer the phone
and respond with “Baby
not for sale.”
My parents and I never discussed
adoption -- it was just assumed that I would keep my son.
After a lengthy
labor with no pain medication, I gave birth to my son Monday, September 27th at
2:57 pm. The process of the birth was
both joyful and scary at the same time. My
sister held one hand and my mom the other as I gave birth to my son. I instantly felt like he was a part of me, he
was beautiful and I loved him.
While in the
hospital, I called my grandma and grandpa and I remember just crying and my
grandma asking why I was crying. I told
her that I felt like I had let them down, still blaming myself for being raped,
giving birth as a teen mom out of a rape.
She reassured me, saying, “It’ll be okay dear. You don’t
need to cry.”
When I came home from the hospital, life sort of proceeded
as normal -- as normal as it could proceed, being a teenage mom. It
wasn't until after my son was born that I began to dwell on the rape. The first
few weeks of being a mom were great, but once I went back to school, it got a
lot more challenging. I had to work
full-time, be a mom full time, and go to school part-time.
When I went back to
school and knew that I had to find daycare for my son, I applied for daycare
assistance, as well as food stamps and WIC through the county. In January, 2005, because I was actively
getting assistance and I was now over the age of 18, I was forced by the state
of Wisconsin to pursue child support. I
was absolutely terrified! I was told
that he had just as much right to my son as any other single father because our case was “he said/she said” and they were not going to treat our
case as a rape case. I begged and
pleaded to not have State aid, but they said even if I chose to discontinue the
State aid that he still had rights.
I decided to do what I thought was right, and was going to
ultimately protect my son in the end and followed all court documentation to a “T”.
I was so scared and worried that if I
had one small mess up, then the rapist would swoop in and get full
rights to my son. I also often feared
that he would try to kidnap him as well, so I watched my son like a hawk and
made absolutely sure that everyone at daycare knew who could pick up my son and
only people on that list could pick him up.
In early 2007, the courts ultimately forced me to start
building a relationship with my son’s biological father. Under court order, I had to meet the man who
raped me in Portage, WI at the Columbia County Health and Human Services
building for court supervised mediation where they forced me to devise a parenting plan
with my rapist, as he was granted joint custody by the state of Wisconsin. The stated goal was to build up to 50/50
time. The mediator agreed with my pleas
that we start off slowly by having an initial meeting between the parents, then
gradually developing a relationship between my son and my rapist. At the initial meeting, I was horrified as we had
to exchange phone numbers and emails.
Over the next few
weeks, the rapist and I would chat by Yahoo messenger here and there, along
with some phone calls, as I was under court order to do. I was so scared. To this day, I still cannot
believe that the Court of Law didn't protect me from him. I feel like the justice system failed me and
that they wouldn’t
even consider that I was raped. There
was absolutely no hearing before the Court on this issue. It just wasn’t even allowed.
I had to meet me
rapist face to face, and parenting visits began. After about 10 of these visits, something
changed in my life which caused the rapist to back down – I got engaged. I’m
not sure exactly what happened, but he just stopped all visits after I told him
at our last mediation in March, 2006 that I was engaged. Maybe he realized that he wouldn’t be able to manipulate or control me
because there was now another man involved.
Maybe he had just been curious to meet his biological son. Maybe his parents had been the ones pushing
for the visits. I don’t know, but I was just relieved it
stopped!
However, the fact remains that I was failed by the court
system. I shouldn't have had to tell him
I was engaged. I should have been
protected by the court of law. I was
raped! I feel like they protected the
rapist better than they protected me. 10
years later, it still makes me literally sick, and I fill with panic thinking
that I was forced to interact with him. I would cry and be on nerves end for days
before I would have to see him, or know that I would have to talk to him.
Because of the rape, the trauma of having to deal with my
son’s biological father, and fighting so
hard and ferociously to protect my son, I now suffer from PTSD. I deal with my trauma on a daily basis. It goes deeper than just being raped. The interaction I was forced to have with the
rapist, feeling like I had to get married young to protect my son -- it didn't
just affect me, it affected my son as well. With the rapists’ selfish actions, it turned my life
upside down. Thankfully, my husband has
been a good father to my son, and my son has no knowledge or memory of the
visits with the man who raped me.
I’m sharing my story now because I was
inspired by a recent story out of St. Louis of another woman who became
pregnant by rape. First of all, I want
people to know that a child conceived in rape is a blessing and is worthy of
love. Secondly, I want to bring
awareness to the plight of women who are raped and choose to parent their
child. The law needs to be changed in
Wisconsin. No woman should be put in a
position that if she chooses to keep her child, she would have to co-parent
with her rapist. I want to be available
to testify before legislatures to make sure this never happens to another woman
again.
BIO: Ashley Beal is a mother and Independent Living Specialist/Youth Services, residing in the Madison, Wisconsin area, and a pro-life speaker and blogger for Save The 1. She is Save The 1's Director for the Rape Survivor Child Custody Act project.Thursday, December 17, 2015
Michigan Senate Unanimously Passes the Rape Survivor Child Custody Act! by Rebecca Kiessling
Yesterday, the 38 Michigan Senators unanimously passed the Rape Survivor Child Custody Act
authorizing courts to terminate the parental rights of rapists upon a rape
conviction or upon a finding based upon “clear and convincing evidence” that
the parent committed “criminal sexual conduct” – the terminology used for rape
under Michigan law – and that the “conduct resulted in the child being
conceived.” SB 629 had 9 co-sponsors,
including one Democrat and one female Republican. So there were 7 male Republicans who,
contrary to the mainstream media, do care about rape victims who become
pregnant.
The bill’s
primary sponsor, Republican Senator Rick Jones, who spent 31 years in law
enforcement said,
“I want to ensure that victims of rape are
not faced with a custody battle from their rapist. . . . I've actually heard of horrible cases where
the rapist contacted the victim after they heard that a child had been
conceived and said: 'Get an abortion, and if you don't, I will be going for
custody. . . . I certainly cannot
imagine a rapist being able to continue to harass the victim, or have custody
of a child conceived in that act.”
Last week, I
testified before the Michigan Senate Judiciary Committee on this
legislation. My background as a Family
Law Attorney helped in explaining why the “clear and convincing evidence”
standard is appropriate. After all, it’s
the standard used in Michigan law for all other termination of parental rights
cases, and it’s the standard set by the U.S. Supreme Court in the case of Santosky v
Kramer.
I shared
stories of women from Save The 1 and
Hope After Rape Conception who were sued by their rapists for custody,
including Analyn
Megison from HARC, Angela
Grogg from HARC and her daughter Pyper, and Save The 1 pro-life speaker Liz
Carl – a birthmother who had to agree to drop criminal charges, just to be
able to consent to an adoption without the rapist getting custody. Additionally, I told the Senators of two
women who were conceived in rape, then raped by their own fathers while in the
rapists’ care – Save The 1 Vice-President Darlene Pawlik, and Rowena
Slusser.
Attorney Shauna Prewitt -- one of my co-founders of Hope After Conception (HARC), who was sued by her rapist for custody, also testified before the Michigan Senate Judiciary Committee by sharing her own compelling story, as well as the research she did for her Georgetown Law Journal article, Giving Birth to a "Rapist's Child": A Discussion and Analysis of the Limited Legal Protections Afforded to Women Who Become Mothers Through Rape.
Attorney Shauna Prewitt -- one of my co-founders of Hope After Conception (HARC), who was sued by her rapist for custody, also testified before the Michigan Senate Judiciary Committee by sharing her own compelling story, as well as the research she did for her Georgetown Law Journal article, Giving Birth to a "Rapist's Child": A Discussion and Analysis of the Limited Legal Protections Afforded to Women Who Become Mothers Through Rape.
By passing
this law, Michigan will be entitled to receive federal funds for programs which
help survivors of rape, in accordance with the federal Rape Survivor Child
Custody Act co-sponsored by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, passed by Congress and
signed into law by President Obama last June – the only pro-life legislation
approved by the President. This law is
pro-life in effect because if pregnant rape victims know they’ll be protected
from the rapist, they’ll be more likely to choose life. It also provides opportunities for
legislators to hear from rape survivor mothers who deeply love their children,
and we see legislators for once referring to these children as “the rape victim’s
child” instead of the usual derogatory terminology of “the rapist’s child.” So they get to see this issue, the mothers
and their children in a whole new light.
Under
the federal act, Congress made the
following findings:
(1) Men who father children through rape should be
prohibited from visiting or having custody of those children.
(2) According to
several studies, it is estimated that there are between 25,000 and 32,000
rape-related pregnancies annually in the United States.
(3) A substantial number of women choose to raise
their child conceived through rape and, as a result, may face custody battles
with their rapists.
(4) According to one study, 32.3 percent of women
who were raped and became pregnant as a result of the rape kept their child.
(5) Another study found that, of the 73 percent of
women who became pregnant as a result of a rape and carried their pregnancies
to term, 64 percent raised their children.
(6) Rape is one of the most under-prosecuted serious
crimes, with estimates of criminal conviction occurring in less than 5 percent
of rapes.
(7) The clear and convincing evidence standard is
the most common standard for termination of parental rights among the 50
States, territories, and the District of Columbia.
(8) The Supreme Court established that the clear and
convincing evidence standard satisfies due process for allegations to terminate
or restrict parental rights in Santosky v. Kramer (455 U.S. 745 (1982)).
(9) Currently only 6 States have statutes allowing
rape survivors to petition for the termination of parental rights of the rapist
based on clear and convincing evidence that the child was conceived through
rape.
(10) A rapist pursuing parental or custody rights
forces the survivor to have continued interaction with the rapist, which can
have traumatic psychological effects on the survivor, making it more difficult
for her to recover.
(11) These traumatic effects on the mother can
severely negatively impact her ability to raise a healthy child.
(12) Rapists may use the threat of pursuing custody
or parental rights to coerce survivors into not prosecuting rape, or otherwise
harass, intimidate, or manipulate them.
The federal act then provided
additional grant money to states who pass this law: “The Attorney General shall make grants to
States that have in place a law that allows the mother of any child that was
conceived through rape to seek court-ordered termination of the parental rights
of her rapist with regard to that child, which the court shall grant upon clear
and convincing evidence of rape.” The
grant programs are the STOP Violence
Against Women Formula Grant.
We are
currently awaiting on some amendments to the companion bill which authorizes
Family Court judges to suspend custody and parenting time rights upon a showing
of “clear and convincing evidence,” which would then provide rape survivor
mothers with the opportunity to get a case filed for termination of parental
rights. When the bill was passed in the
House to suspend custody and parenting time, 101 Michigan State Representatives
voted in favor of the bill and 4 voted against it. One of those who voted against it, Marcia Hovey-Wright, served
as the Executive Director of Muskegon Area Planned Parenthood. She certainly showed her true colors in
caring more about rapists than rape victim mothers who had the audacity to
choose life for their children.
Many thanks
to Right to Life of Michigan for spearheading this effort in Michigan -- especially Ed Rivet and Genevieve Marnon out of the legislative office in Lansing. You set an example to every Right to Life organization as to how to make this a priority and how to get it done. You've never allowed a rape exception in Michigan, and now you've shown how to continue this protection after the children conceived in rape are born.
BIO: Rebecca Kiessling is a
wife, mother of 5, attorney and international pro-life speaker, conceived
in rape. She’s the founder and President of Save The 1, co-founder of Hope After Rape Conception, and co-founder of Embryo Defense.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)