Showing posts with label Krabbe Disease. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Krabbe Disease. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 27, 2017

With 6 Other States, Alabama Doesn't Protect Rape Victim Moms and Their Children, by Rebecca Kiessling

Alabama urgently needs to pass The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act, to terminate the parental rights of rapists and to suspend any custody or visitation.  Last week, a rape survivor mom from our network, J.C., published her story in our Save The 1 blog, "From Age 13, My Uncle Raped and Impregnated Me, But The Judge Said It's Irrelevant."  In her custody case for her two surviving children conceived in rape-incest, DeKalb County, Alabama Judge Steven Whitmire told her that their conception was irrelevant, and granted her rapist uncle visits over Christmas.  Determined to protect her children, she's sought protection from the County Sheriff's office, imploring them to file charges against him for the years of rape.

All four of her children were conceived in rape-incest -- the first two were conceived when she was under "the age of consent" in Alabama.  J.C. miscarried her first child, and her third child died at 2-1/2 years old, due to a serious genetic disorder -- Krabbe Disease -- which was the result of the genetics involved in being too closely related.  These children died because of her uncle's actions.  In Alabama, incest is a Class C felony and statutory rape with a victim under the age of 16 is 2nd degree rape -- a Class B felony.  There is no statute of limitation for rape in Alabama, so he can be prosecuted for the rape and incest.  Yet, the judge didn't see his being a child molester as relevant to parenting.

A Fox News article from Apr. 2017 highlights the fact that Alabama is only 1 of 7 states (joining Mississippi, Minnesote, North Dakota, Wyoming and New Mexico, which has NO law providing for the termination of parental rights of rapists: In 7 US states, rape victims can be legally forced to share custody of their children with their rapist fathers
 
So exactly what needs to be done in Alabama?  Under current law, Alabama Code - Section 26-18-7, there are 8 subsections listing grounds for termination of parental rights.  At the outset, the standard of judicial review is set forth:  "If the court finds from clear and convincing evidence, competent, material, and relevant in nature. . . ."

For Alabama, all that's needed is a 9th subsection stating:
(9)  That the parent raped the other parent and the minor child was conceived as a result of the rape.

Furthermore, Alabama and other states should follow Michigan's example and also provide protection in the code on custody and visitation to authorize a judge to suspend those rights. Typically, this is how the issue of a rapist seeking parental rights first comes up -- on a paternity/child support case or other family law matter.  These mothers like J.C. need immediate relief and should not have to file an actual termination of parental rights case in order to be immediately protected by the court in a family law matter.

Yes, there may be other language under current law which a judge may decide to employ in order to do what's right and suspend or terminate parental rights, but the law should be explicit so that every judge understands what is expected of them, and that the public will not tolerate awarding parental rights to rapists.

In Michigan, with the law passed the way it was, my client in the recent Sanilac County case of national attention was able to be protected.  My client's rapist molested her when she was 12 and he was 19, but during her pregnancy, he had only been convicted of "attempted" criminal sexual conduct due to a plea deal, and then years later, Judge Gregory Ross awarded him joint legal custody and parenting time without a hearing, by simply signing an order presented to him by the Prosecutor's office in a paternity case, without my client's consent.  But the judge reversed himself because of the law passed in Michigan in 2016. The Michigan case is one with a happier ending, demonstrating the importance of getting this legislation passed in every state.

Here is detailed information on the Michigan law from Right to Life of Michigan, who made this project a priority in it's legislative agenda:
 https://www.rtl.org/legislation/PendingLegislation/RapeSurvivorChildCustody.html  Because of my experience in working with so many rape victim mothers who have fought their rapist over custody and visitation issues, I emphasized the need for authorizing judges in family law matters to be able to suspend these rights upon a finding by "clear and convincing evidence" that the child was conceived in rape.  One of these Michigan companion bills passed in 2016 addresses custody and the other addresses parenting time.

Florida passed this law unanimously a few year ago, which was the impetus to Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz co-sponsoring with Sen. Sherrod Brown the Federal Bill, The Rape Survivor Child Custody Act, signed by Pres. Obama in 2015. H.R.1257 - 114th Congress (2015-2016): Rape Survivor Child Custody Act 

The law gives an incentive to states which pass legislation with the necessary language, as follows: 

"Directs the Attorney General to make grants to states that have in place a law that allows the mother of any child that was conceived through rape to seek court-ordered termination of the parental rights of her rapist with regard to that child, which the court shall grant upon clear and convincing evidence of rape.

"Limits such a grant to: (1) an amount that is not greater than 10% of the average of the total funding of the three most recent awards a state received under the STOP Violence Against Women Formula Grant Program and the Sexual Assault Services Program; and (2) a one-year term, subject to renewal for not more than three additional years.
"Requires a state that receives such a grant to use: (1) 25% of grant funds for permissible uses under the STOP Violence Against Women Formula Grant Program, and (2) 75% of funds for permissible uses under the Sexual Assault Services Program."
Please note the Federal law says "shall grant," not "may grant," so if the court determines the child was conceived in rape, then terminating parental rights is not discretionary.  The Federal law is gender-specific -- "a law that allows the mother. . .", but all of the states where I've worked on this have passed gender-neutral bills because men get raped too -- particular cases of statutory rape.  In fact, I'm currently working with a father in Iowa who actually got a rape conviction, but the judge in the custody case said he doesn't believe in statutory rape and that for a 15 year old boy, having a naked woman in his bed was "manna from Heaven."  More to come on that story. . . .
In the Federal law, Congress made the following findings:  
(1) Men who father children through rape should be prohibited from visiting or having
custody of those children.
(2) According to several studies, it is estimated that there are between 25,000 and 32,000 rape-related pregnancies annually in the United States.
(3) A substantial number of women choose to raise their child conceived through rape
and, as a result, may face custody battles with their rapists.
(4) According to one study, 32.3 percent of women who were raped and became pregnant as a result of the rape kept their child.
(5) Another study found that, of the 73 percent of women who became pregnant as a result of a rape and carried their pregnancies to term, 64 percent raised their children.
(6) Rape is one of the most under-prosecuted serious crimes, with estimates of criminal
conviction occurring in less than 5 percent of rapes.
(7) The clear and convincing evidence standard is the most common standard for termination of parental rights among the 50 States, territories, and the District of Columbia.
(8) The Supreme Court established that the clear and convincing evidence standard
satisfies due process for allegations to terminate or restrict parental rights in Santosky v. Kramer (455 U.S. 745 (1982)).
(9) Currently only 6 States have statutes allowing rape survivors to petition for the
termination of parental rights of the rapist based on clear and convincing evidence that the child was conceived through rape.
(10) A rapist pursuing parental or custody rights forces the survivor to have continued
interaction with the rapist, which can have traumatic psychological effects on the survivor, making it more difficult for her to recover.
(11) These traumatic effects on the mother can severely negatively impact her ability to
raise a healthy child.
(12) Rapists may use the threat of pursuing custody or parental rights to coerce survivors
into not prosecuting rape, or otherwise harass, intimidate, or manipulate them.

Last year, I helped get this law introduced and passed in Iowa, Georgia, Michigan, and Indiana, and I was able to assist or consult in many other states.  I also got legislators in Brazil and in Malta to initiate this legislation, and whenever I speak in a nation's Parliament, I always try to get legislators to sponsor this bill.  It's not just an issue in the U.S., but globally of course.

A bill to terminate the parental rights of rapists is being reintroduced in Maryland this coming month.  Some states like Ohio got it wrong by requiring a rape conviction, when it's estimated that only 1% of rape victims ever see their rapist convicted as charged.  As Congress and the U.S. Supreme Court found, the proper standard in termination of parental rights cases is "clear and convincing evidence."

But we need more advocates for this law.  Please see if your state requires a rape conviction or if it uses the "clear and convincing evidence" standard.  And if you live in one of the seven states that has no law -- contact your legislator with this information and advocate to get this passed!  I've reached out to a handful of legislators in Alabama, but ideally, ever single one should be contacted.

If you have progress and a bill sponsor, please let me know!  I can certainly arrange for rape victim mothers to testify.  With my experience as a family law attorney, having litigated these cases myself or working on them with others, I can offer a lot of insight for legislators who may have questions.  

In addition, we desperately need a network of attorneys nationwide who also would be willing to handle these cases pro bono.  Right now, the mother in DeKalb County, Alabama is in need of a pro bono lawyer, as well as the father in Iowa.  Please contact me if you are able to assist now or in the future.

As someone conceived in rape myself, I can tell you that I would not have wanted the rapist to be anywhere near me growing up!  Our global network of rape survivor mothers and those conceived in rape is now nearly 550 strong, and we've seen this issue come up quite a bit.  These mothers and their children deserve to be protected.  Won't you help us?  

BIO:  Rebecca Kiessling is an international pro-life speaker, blogger and attorney,
advocating for the rights of rape victim mothers and their children.  She's the founder and president of Save The 1, and co-founder of Hope After Rape Conception.

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Wednesday, December 20, 2017

From Age 13, My Uncle Raped and Impregnated Me, But The Judge Said It's Irrelevant, by J.C.

It was Y2K New Year’s Eve the night my uncle first began making advances toward me.  I was 12 years old and he was 19, married, with a 2 year old son.  My mom allowed his family to move in with us, and inexplicably moved them into my bedroom, since my three sisters were already sharing a room.  The inappropriate advances continued, as he and his wife argued more and more.  Eventually, his wife and son moved out, and when I was 13 and he was 20, he began molesting me in the middle of the night.  I was scared to death.
My mom and step-dad were suspicious of what was happening but were scared to say anything because my grandfather would have killed someone.  My mom and her sisters had been molested by my grandfather when they were growing up.  When my grandfather found out she had told someone, he showed up and put a gun to my mom's head, threatening to kill her if she ever breathed a word.  So my mom would tell me, "It happened to me.  I just needed to suck it up."
I know what it’s like for someone to have that fear instilled in you, but I don’t understand allowing horrific things to happen to your children without one ounce of remorse.  My step-dad just wouldn’t speak up and still won’t.  He is very passive and people easily take advantage of him because he doesn’t defend himself, let alone his family.
It just became a thing that my Uncle Lenny started sleeping in my room more frequently.  One day, child services showed up at our house and said there was a call stating that my mom was letting a man sleep with her daughter.  They brought my mom, my uncle and me into the living room, and I just fell mute.  My mom and my uncle controlled the conversation and denied the allegations.  She never told the social worker that the man was her brother, so they didn’t find any cause to intervene, and closed the case.  
I'm sure you’re wondering why I didn’t speak up and my answer is:  I don’t know.  I wish I would have now, but then It was almost a way of life.  I didn’t feel I had any choice in what happened to my body.  What if I would have told -- what then?  I would go to live with a family member? They were each as bad as the last.
When I became pregnant at 14 years old, my mom freaked out!  She told me she wasn’t getting into trouble for this crap, so she took us to Tennessee to get married because it was out of state and they figured no one would make the connection that we were closely related.  I don’t even know if he was divorced yet, but my mom signed papers to emancipate me so she wouldn’t be responsible for me any longer.  But we got into a fender bender that day and never made it to the court house.  
A couple of months later, at 15 years old, I started bleeding and went to the doctor’s office.  I ended up miscarrying that pregnancy.  Surprisingly, this doctor never made a call to child services, and never inquired of me as to who got me pregnant.  Today I realize it was this doctor’s responsibility to report this situation.  I could have been freed back then.
My mom then moved the family to Florida with my grandfather, but said she didn’t have a room for me.  I was stuck with my uncle.  My whole family assumed I was his responsibility.  It’s just bizarre to contemplate, but this was the Hell I lived in.
I always felt my mom could have stopped the abuse from happening, but my grandfather pushed for it.  I guess he didn’t want his son to get into trouble because he was just as much of a creep.
My uncle and grandfather took me back to Alabama, where I became pregnant again by my then 22 year old uncle when I was 15 years old.  This son is now 14 years old.  Regardless of the horrible circumstances -- conceived in incest, I loved my baby and would do anything to protect him.
I withdrew from school and homeschooled through my 10th grade year.  I hated school, though I got good grades. It was painful that I had to see all these kids who seemed to have it all going for them, while I was trapped living in a Hell with no hope to get out.
My uncle had always been verbally abusive, with pushing, shoving, and jealous rage.  But when I became pregnant with my son, the abuse intensified. Lenny would tell me, “I have a son.  I don’t want another one!"  Well too late – he should have thought about that before molesting his under-aged niece.  I think his anger came from fear, fear of being caught or going to jail.  He would choke me, sling me around by my hair, try to crash the car with us in it, and beat me.
I would go to my mom’s and beg her to help me leave -- to get away from him.   She would tell me that we had children together, and if anyone found out the "secret," I would go to jail and my kids would be taken away.  She convinced me of this and I believed her.  I’ve kept this secret until now. 
This abusive life continued until I left him for good.  It just progressively got worse and worse each time.  When I did try to leave, he even had his sisters come after me and beat me.
When my son was born, I instantly loved him.  From the very first time I laid eyes on him, my love was unconditional.  But I was terrified the hospital staff would somehow find out the big secret and take him away from me.  He received my maiden name.  Under “Father” on his birth certificate, it is "unknown" because the family all said it was best, to keep Lenny safe. 
At 18, I got pregnant by my uncle for the third time.  My son was sickly and the doctors wouldn’t listen to me.  After a lot of doctor visits and my persistence, my son was sent to a children’s hospital where he was eventually diagnosed with Krabbe Disease -- a disease where children inherit a defective gene from both parents.  I remember the doctors asking us if the two of us were related, because they said the odds of having an autosomal recessive disease are much higher when tge two parents,are related.  Again, I was terrified because he was there and because my mom had convinced me that my children would be taken away.
The day my son was diagnosed, I was six months pregnant in my 4th pregnancy, with my 3rd son.  At this time, the doctor informed me that I shouldn’t have any more children with this man and should consider aborting my pregnancy.  I was stunned a doctor would suggest such a thing.
My son’s life expectancy was 13 months, and at 13 months, he coded and had to be life-flighted to Children’s Hospital.  That was on a Friday, and Saturday, I went into labor with my 3rd son and gave birth on that Sunday.  I signed my release papers and went to live in the Ronald McDonald house with a toddler and a newborn so I could visit my son in the ICU during visiting hours.  His life story is a story in itself.
The whole time my son was there, I felt safer because my uncle was at home, working, partying, and having sexual relations with others.  I was free from him, even if just for a short while.  My main focus was my children.
After about six months, my son finally got to leave the hospital and came home on life support. I was his caregiver and had a nurse to come watch him while I slept at night.
My uncle was always an alcoholic, but he started doing drugs as well.  I hated him. The very sight of him turned my stomach.  He stole my life. 
My son died on January 9, 2008 and that changed everything for me.  I was able to start distancing myself from my uncle and I went to work.  He hated it -- the more independent I was, the more abusive he became. So he demanded we marry on January 22, 2008.  I knew it wasn’t going to last and that I would soon find a way out, but I did what would keep the peace at the time.
The night I knew I had to get out soon, he had been threatening me early in the morning, and I hid.  He turned the power off, and I heard him cocking the shot gun.  I spent my whole life trying to get away from him, but at that moment, I knew that if I didn’t do it soon, he would seriously hurt me or likely kill me.
I got up one morning for work -- right after him, I loaded my car down and left.  I never went back to him.  
I filed for divorce in 2008, but he refused to cooperate, and then he filed for a divorce.  After gaining the courage to leave him, I was abandoned by my family and after a year or so, I found myself homeless.  With no funds to hire an attorney and too ashamed to tell the court about the rape and incest, my uncle had legal custody of my sons for two years, and wouldn’t even allow me to see them for six months at a time.
I was able to get on my feet.  I married a wonderful man, and we were able to regain custody of my two sons in 2012.  However, I still lived with the shame surrounding the abuse.  I didn’t even tell my own husband.  He found out two years ago and he was very angry that I had kept this from him.  At that point, I told him that I was afraid that my children would be taken away.  He was very understanding, telling me it wasn’t my fault and that I was a victim.  This is the first time I was able to really open up about it because someone cared.  That gave me the courage to fight harder for my children.
With the support of my husband, in 2015, I went to the DeKalb County Sheriff’s Dept to report the rape and incest.  Because there is no statute of limitations, the Sheriff pressed charges, but only for the rape and not the incest because, he said, “it wasn’t necessary.”  It went to a Grand Jury, who found my uncle not guilty, saying there was not enough evidence!
The Sheriff’s office told me how common these cases were despite thinking they don’t happen often and said that, most of the time, nothing ever gets done with them because too much time has passed or the jails just can’t hold them.  I was told, since he is not an immediate danger or currently raping me, odds are he would walk free, and he did. 
All of this time, my uncle has had a court order for unsupervised visits, but I’ve been in contempt of court for the last two years.  I finally broke my silence this week and told the court about the rape and incest because there was an emergency hearing for him to see my sons at Christmas. 
At my hearing on Dec. 21, 2017, in DeKalb County District Court, Judge Steven Whitmire struck my pleading from the record and said I wasn't allowed to mention the rape or incest.  I kept telling him "This is not in the past.  That man is my Uncle!"  But the judge said it's irrelevant and awarded my rapist three days of unsupervised visits during the holidays.  

 I’m terrified.  I had to fire my court-appointed attorney because she didn’t want me to tell Judge Whitmire my children were conceived in incest and told me that it wouldn’t matter.  I'm astonished that she was right!  But this is far from over.

 My voice hasn’t been heard.  I won’t be silenced any longer and I want to encourage others to do the same.  I want to advocate for laws to terminate the parental rights of rapists.  No rapist should have parental rights – especially a child molester.
On Dec. 20th, I went back to the Sheriff’s office stronger and bolder than ever, and this time, I was sent to the District Attorney’s office and the D.A. says that with DNA evidence proving he’s my uncle, as well as proof of my pregnancies at 14 and 15, they shouldn’t have any problem prosecuting him on the incest and statutory rape charges.
My son died, as well as my first unborn child, because of this man’s actions and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.  My uncle did more than molest me – he took my child’s life.  He caused both of those deaths because of the genetics involved.  He should be charged for raping me, and also for the death of my son, and my unborn child who I miscarried.
I was a shy little girl who wouldn’t raise her hand and speak out in class, but now, I am outspoken and one hell of a go-getter. One of my favorite quotes is, "The pain you feel today, is the strength you feel tomorrow."  To anyone else who has been abused, don’t let your past define you in the sense of dictating your present choices. 
I was so mad at God when I found out my baby was dying.  I cried out:  “After all this crap I’ve been through, you now take my baby too?!” I didn’t see why, but now I do and I will not let my son's death be in vain!  I will avenge his death if it is by protecting my sons and helping other girls in similar situations.
So I ask you, what are you going to do to advocate for victims?  Don’t tell me “abortion” because this wasn’t the babies’ fault.  Every child has a purpose.  Help rape victim mothers so that they can be protected from the rapist!
BIO:  J.C. is a wife, mother of 5, and is keeping her identity private at this time.

Save The 1 President Rebecca Kiessling -- an attorney herself who has handled this kind of case in Michigan, has been networking to find pro bono legal counsel for J.C..  If you would like to assist with this effort, or if you would like to help contribute to a legal fund for J.C., please contact Rebecca
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