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Showing posts with label Conceived in Rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conceived in Rape. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2018
I'm an Adopted Daughter Born of Rape and I Celebrate My Life! by Maria de la Paz Rodríguez Coronel Dudignac, Argentina
Let’s go back to the 1970's. A young, newly married couple from Buenos Aires dreamed of starting a family. But instead, they suffered several failed attempts to get pregnant. Their desire increased
as the months and years passed. Treatments, prayers, . . . nothing seemed to work, until they decided to
start the adoption process.
They endured tough
requirements, bureaucratic procedures and in-depth investigations in order to be classified as good candidates. Finally, they managed to match
all the required parameters to be adoptive parents.
However, as this couple began preparations to adopt, there was a tragedy transpiring. It was 1978 in the province
of Chaco. A teenager suffered a sexual attack in which she became pregnant by her
rapist. Alone, helpless, humiliated and without
any hope, she went to a house -- a hospice as we say. She lived through the pregnancy with
great courage. She had run away from home -- possibly because her family abandoned her, or possibly to avoid being shamed by others.
She had her baby daughter with
a normal weight of just under 8 lbs. Afterward, she wandered everywhere with the baby
in her arms, until she finally decided to place her for adoption. She went to what we call a cradle
house and with great sadness and hope, handed her baby over with the clothes she was
wearing.
The staff of the cradle
house gave the baby girl love and affection. No more was heard of that young teenager. . . .
The baby lived among
children, nurses and caregivers who struggled every day to keep the house decent and clean, given that the economic situation was unsustainable.
One day, that couple from Buenos Aires received the call of God -- the happiest news of their lives: "There is a baby who was placed for adoption. Can you travel as soon as possible to the Province of Chaco?”
The future parents
were very excited. They cried and hugged for half an hour, thanking God for their
prayers being answered.
Upon arriving in the
province of Chaco, they went to the cradle house. It was fresh. When they got there,
they were received by many children with the hope of leaving that hospice with
their adoptive family. Children were running everywhere. The maintenance staff
was pleading for money for the arrangements of the property.
Then, the young future
adoptive father went to the mall and bought them a new kitchen as a donation. When he returned, he
went to one of the many cradles where a baby girl in diapers rested, thin and
abandoned.
Without knowing which crib her awaiting baby was in, the wife had moved forward past the row of cribs with great
anxiety. As she approached crib number 22, the
baby girl opened her huge eyes and cried. With compassion in her heart, the young woman picked her up,
cradled her with a lot of love in her arms and the baby stopped crying; the
young mother did not release her anymore.
That mother was Luz
María and that baby was ME.
The caretakers and
nurses of the home asked my mother how she knew this was the baby she was about
to adopt and, merrily, she answered: "mother's intuition."
Then all the
procedures corresponding to the birth certificate in the Civil Registry were
carried out. They named me Maria
de la Paz, consecrating me to the Virgin Queen of Peace. We returned happily to
Buenos Aires. There my great-grandmother, grandparents, uncles and cousins
awaited us. They had a party and baptized me.
When I was two years
old, I had curiously asked my mother if I had been in her tummy, and she said no. I left it at that and we followed
life normally. I went to kindergarten, I played with my cousins and friends, and I received my First Communion and Confirmation. I had a very happy childhood, enjoying many birthday parties and Christmas.
When I began adolescence, I started to wonder everything, including my origin. There was a lot of
secrecy about my pre-adoption history. I was missing 8 months of my life which were empty -- I did not know anything about that time.
When finishing secondary education, I began to work. I lived the normal life of a young girl going out to
the world, to society. But I never stopped thinking about those 8 empty months
of my life. Nobody told me anything.
Years passed, I got
married and had two daughters. I completed several specialization
courses for my career. I am a therapeutic caregiver,
integrative teacher, geriatric assistant, community play director. I am also a
catechist in the Diocese of San Miguel Arcángel in Buenos Aires.
It wasn't until 2007 when an aunt told me that my birthmother had been raped and, as a result of that
attack, I was born. I said nothing about this cruel truth. I went on with my life, until one day, I
could not take so much pain anymore.
I felt guilty about being born and decided
to compensate my biological mother with my life. I offered my whole being to
God and after a terrible period of depression, I took pills to relieve myself of the pain. I was hospitalized for several days as a result.
My parents and
family suffered a lot from this. They were angry with me, as they did not understand the
situation -- a typical reaction, I think.
I managed to recover, thanks to my prayer group, my daughters and family, my in-laws and my friends. With the time
going by, I accepted my reality.
I had two mothers -- one
who courageously gave me life and another who gave me her life until her last
breath.
It was the summer of 2015 as I was riding a bike through Bella Vista when I saw a sign with the image
of an 8-week-old baby asking to be born. I did not understand the claim. Then I
called the number that appeared and contacted those who organized that
campaign "El Bebito" (the little baby).
I joined their Facebook
campaign and started a wonderful connection with Mariana Rodríguez Varela through her sister
Helena. They provided me with material to publish and I became a pro-life
warrior!
At that time, I knew a
teenager who became pregnant, but she did not want that unborn baby. I had enough
information to teach that girl the truth that what she had in her tummy was not a bunch
of cells, but a baby. After long days of dialogue and contention, she
decided to continue with the pregnancy! That experience made me reflect and, immediately,
I applied it to my own life.
I still was unable to tell
publicly that I was an unwanted baby conceived during a rape . . . , until things became very
difficult in my country, The Republic of Argentina, with the bill of
"voluntary interruption of pregnancy" which would have legalized abortion for any reason through 14 weeks and up until birth in cases of rape.
One day commenting on
Facebook in favor of life, I saw someone suggest that "in cases of rape" it would be
good for the rape victim to decide "with her body" by getting rid of
the fetus she carries in her womb. Of course, I did not
agree with that statement. Then I commented freely -- for the first time ever. Their ignorance and cruelty liberated me!
But then I received
frightening messages from a relative -- a close cousin -- who tried to make me feel guilty
for being born, saying that all the abandoned children should have been aborted, that
the adopted ones should not have existed. Privately she told me that I was guilty of what had happened to my biological mother and that I should not have existed. As perhaps you can imagine, I felt very badly reading all of these things from a family member.
That afternoon I fainted. I could not get out of bed, and I cried all the time. I had the signs of that
depression again. Then I sent a message on WhatsApp to Mariana Rodríguez Varela
crying and renouncing my participation in the "El Bebito" campaign. I felt very badly for
being born thanks to that insulting cousin.
Immediately, Mariana
asked me: "Are you adopted?" And I answered:
"Yes." It was at that moment
that Mariana sustained me with a lot of love, and told me that I was a
beautiful story of love.
From that moment, I
celebrated my life. I resurrected. I had lived years of pain, but now I received the Grace of God through the
respect, kindness and affection of Mariana.
I felt very proud of
my adoptive parents (or parents of the heart as we say), and I proudly went out into the streets again with the banner of
"ElBebito."
It was during an afternoon coffee break when I saw the speech of a young woman named Karina Estrella Etchepare in the Honorable Chamber of Deputies of the
Congress of the Argentine Nation. Her words left me speechless as she shared her story of having been conceived in rape and placed for adoption.
Then, I said to
myself: "I am also an adopted daughter who was born in rape" -- the
world has to know my humble history.
I started posting on
all the networks that I am happily adopted and the result of a violation. I felt
that I should honor my birthmother because of how brave she was to give
me up for adoption, choosing life despite the pain she suffered. Maybe it
was not easy for her to surrender me in that cradle house, but that's what she could do, giving me the opportunity to live.
Karina Estrella Etchpare and I became friends, along with many others from Salvar El 1 who were conceived in rape or became pregnant by rape. These are my sisters!
When they
use the pretext of aborting the baby in cases of rape, I do not agree that the
baby is condemned to death since she is an innocent being. The
father should be condemned for the crime he committed -- not the baby.
Who dares to tell me
that my life is worth less than that of anyone who was born during an act of
love? I am not an
abomination of nature for having been an unwanted baby! I can love and be loved. I am irrefutable proof
that my life and my daughters lives are the result of God's triumph on earth.
With my humble story,
I want to leave the following legacy to my daughters, to all of the daughters of Argentina, and to all the daughters of the world: Abortion is not the
solution, abortion doesn’t stop a woman from being a mother because, since
the moment of conception, the woman will always be a mother. The "choice" made is whether to be Mother to a living child or a dead child.
Sadly, here in Argentina, it has been legal since the 1920's to abort a child conceived in rape through 14 weeks. But my birthmother, with a lot of pain, continued valiantly with her pregnancy giving me the possibility of life. That's why I say yes
to life, without exception!
Thanks to the love of
my whole family, great-grandmother, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins (the good ones), instead of
being an "unwanted baby" I became an "expected baby."
Biography: Maria Paz Rodríguez Coronel Dudignac lives in Buenos Aires, Argentina. She is the mother of two girls, a therapist, and a blogger, pro-life speaker and Facebook contributor for Salvar El 1 -- the Spanish division of Save the 1.Monday, August 6, 2018
Is My Life Worth Less Than One Conceived In Love? by Karina Estrella Etchepare, Argentina
I am a person like
anyone else. I am a lawyer, a National Public Accountant
and an adult education teacher in a humble neighborhood of Buenos Aires, but I have a different story. My right to life was
questioned, and the continuation of my life depended on the strength and tenacity of a 14-year-old girl in order that
I may now tell you my story. Today in Argentina this challenging of lives is being repeated
again. This time, for all unborn children through 14 weeks, and for children conceived in rape right up until birth.
People like me today
are considered disposable. What was my fault so that my right to life is
questioned? I did not steal, I did not kill and yet I was about to be killed
in utero just for having been gestated out
of the rape of a poor girl.
My biological mother,
Teresa delMilagro, lived in the Itatí de Bernal emergency village in the
Province of Buenos Aires, Argentina in a context of absolute poverty, violence
and alcoholism. She was raped and abused by her stepfather and from that
terrible situation she became pregnant with me at 14 years old.
My biological
grandmother, complicit in this situation, did the impossible for my birthmother to abort me. I believe that if RU486 -- the abortion pill -- had existed at the time, today I am not here
telling this story. However, despite my maternal grandmother's actions, pregnancy continued and one day, my biological
grandmother offered me -- before I had yet been born -- to a woman in the neighborhood who always helped the most needy. For my biological grandmother, I
was an abomination, but not for my birthmother. For her, I was the only
person in the world whom she really loved.
That is how 22 days
after I was born I was handed over to that neighbor, who was my adoptive mother, or as we say, "heart mom," Alicia. She lived with her husband Franklin and 21-year-old son Fran. I arrived at my new home in a deplorable state with smoky, dirty
clothing, hunger and third degree burns on my genitals.
My arrival in the
neighborhood was a revolution. That day, all the neighbors joined in looking for
clothes, milk and a cradle. My new mom immediately bathed me and I, who still did not
even open my eyes, sighed with relief, as I must have felt the sense that I'd been saved.
The next day my heart
mom started the adoption proceedings and, as required, a corresponding police report.
If I had to describe
the relationship with my adoptive parents, the two words that would summarize
our life together today would be infinite love. When I arrived into their lives,
my mother was 54 years old and my father was 49. Even though they were older, they
loved me deeply and shaped me into the woman I am today, with both defects and virtues, but always with the same values, impressing upon me the importance of helping the most
defenseless and a profound respect for life.
The last time my heart
mom saw my biological mother was when I was eight months old. My birthmother came to know about me, but she was warned of the restraining order that
the adoption judge had imposed. Teresa delMilagro, embarrassed by the
situation, took a baby cap from my mother, caressed it gently and gave it back to
her. My heart mom always waited for her to return, but Teresa delMilagro never came back.
When I was eight years
old, I learned my origin and it was hard to know, but it was always clear to me
that despite the pain, I wanted to help the weakest. There were years of
internal healing and I am grateful to have gone through all that, because I know
now that the only way to heal the pain is with love, understanding and
forgiveness.
At age 28, with my
original birth certificate in hand, I decided to look for Teresa del Milagro. I needed
to close my story but above all, I wanted to tell her, "THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO LIVE
FULLY."
Disappointed, I found
out through a governmental search page of people, that my birthmother had
died at age of 25, when I was just 11 years old.
However, I found the
family that my birthmother had formed. In spite of everything, her continuous great act
of love for me made her betting for life again. I talked to them and learned that my biological mother was sadly returned to her abuser, that he attempted to traffic her sexually to other men, and, as she refused, she was admitted to a school until she was
18 years old.
I learned that she had looked for me intensely, but my biological
grandmother denied her any information and then, without hope, Teresa committed
suicide. I'm sure it was an impulse, as her family had said she was not like that, but that she was a fighter. In a moment of weakness, she took her own life. It hurts me to know that the lack of protection and abandonment of the State killed her. I know that if we'd met, I would have been a part of her healing.
My adoptive parents did not change my original names, the names which Teresa delMilagro had given me. I have a half-brother and a half-sister who she had with her partner. The surprise was that my sister is also called Karina, like me. I knew this was a sign from my birthmother that she had never forgotten me.
Although I could not meet her, I
appreciate the strong convictions she had when she was so young. According to her partner and other children, she never saw
me as a trauma from rape or an aberration, but it was always the love of a mother for all of her children, to the point that she did not differentiate which of her
children was gestated out of love or rape.
Teresa delMilagro did,
as her name says, achieve a miracle in me because she allowed me to live and she saved
me by placing me for adoption, by changing my destiny. I would not be what I am if
I had not been given to my adoptive family, the best I had.
Today my parents are
gone but their love for my life transcended theirs -- the proof of which are my sons, Manuel and Martín. They are here today because my three saviors said Yes to my
life! And now, I fight to say Yes for others who are just as deserving of love and life.
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
was not just any day in my life, but it was the day I shouted to the four
winds: ALL LIFE IS GOOD! in the Chamber of Deputies of the Nation. All the
pieces of my puzzle called "Life" were perfectly embedded. My sad
origin and my experiences over the years would serve to defend the lives of the
purest beings in the world -- unborn children, those who have no voice and cannot
defend themselves. I related my story to the legislators, then showed them the purpose of it.
"My story comes to an
end, but not before asking you: Could you dare to tell
me that your life is worth more than mine because I am the result of a rape? I hope you are clear
that the mother and child are victims of the rapist and that is why you have to
protect them. No one has the right to say that one life is worth less than the
other, much less that of the fruit of a rape, because that baby did NOT CHOOSE
HOW TO BE GESTATED. If the rapist, with luck, is sentenced to 15 years in
prison, why is the innocent baby sentenced to death? Without life there is
no freedom. Value life and defend the unprotected, sow love, sow peace, sow
life, honor life!"
I will not stop
fighting to prevent abortion from being legalized in my country. I will not stop
because I have a debt to life. Teresa fought for me and gave me an opportunity to live, and now it's my turn
to fight back to ensure that every human being is guaranteed his or her first and most
precious of rights: the right to live.
For more stories from Argentina, please read:
10 Argentine Women Conceived in Rape and Mothers From Rape Speak Up! by Rebecca Kiessling
|
| Maria de la Paz Rodriguez Coronel Dudignac and Karina Estrella Etchpare, both from Argentina, both conceived in rape and pro-life speakers and bloggers for Salvar El 1. |
Friday, August 3, 2018
10 Argentine Women Conceived in Rape and Mothers From Rape Speak Up! by Rebecca Kiessling
My name is Rebecca Kiessling, I am a wife, a mother of five children -- two of them adopted, and I am the president of SaveThe1 (Salvar El 1 in Spanish) an international pro-life organization which specializes in defending all of the so-called "hard cases" through sharing our personal stories.
A good number of members are from Argentina, and they are outraged to see the proposed law to
expand abortion to be legal in all cases up to 14 weeks, and in cases of rape from 14 weeks to up until birth. It was bad enough when the law first began targeting the innocent child conceived in rape.
For those like us who have been conceived in a rape, it is hard to know that currently the "exceptions" are allowed through 14 weeks when a pregnant woman merely says she was raped. And for those told that their child would be disabled, it's horrifying to know that if a doctor diagnoses that the baby has malformations "incompatible with life" or if it affirms that the mother is in danger of dying, then the child can be killed up to 14 weeks. These three allegations may or may not be true, but all three are discriminating against the most vulnerable people in society who are the ones who would require more effective protection.
On August 8th, the Argentine Senate will vote on whether abortion will be legal in any case and up to birth for the so-called "exceptions." If approved, Argentina would be the fifth Latin American country to decriminalize abortion without these restrictions, after Cuba, Uruguay, Guyana, Chile and some parts of Mexico -- and the killing of unborn children will be rampant.
Save The 1 is an organization of over 600 people who were conceived in a rape like me, mothers who conceived a child after being raped and who are raising their children, mothers who after giving birth placed the child for adoption and others, who regret aborting. In addition, we have hundreds of mothers who were advised to abort because of a poor pre-natal diagnosis. We value life and we hope that the Argentine Senate will protect life without discrimination.
Our Facebook page in Spanish, Salvar El 1, now has almost 68,000 followers. Since the groundbreaking news that Argentina seeks to legalize abortion, we have received a flood of stories from Argentina from those who want to share their testimonies with us. They have been encouraged to come forward by reading my story and those of many others in our organization. Many voices are rising in Argentina, but, most importantly, the voices of the most innocent are going to be heard and the voice will be raised in defense of those Argentine unborn children who still can not raise it and who are at risk.
Like me, Karina Estrella Etchepare (whom I nicknamed "Argentine Rebecca") was conceived in rape, placed for adoption, is a family law attorney, and is now a strong voice speaking out in Argentina. Her mother was raped by her own stepfather at age 14. Karina testified recently in Congress when the new bill was up for a hearing. She asked Congress: "Does anyone dare to tell me that their life is worth more than mine because I am the result of a violation?" She explained to them that "the mother and child are both victims of the rapist. For that reason, it is necessary to protect them both. No one has the right to say that one life is worth less than the other, much less that of the fruit of a rape, because that baby does not know how she was conceived. If the rapist, with luck, is sentenced to 15 years in prison, why is the innocent baby sentenced to death?"
Margarita Juncos, from Argentina, was also conceived in rape. Her mother was 17 years old when she was raped and gave birth to her daughter alone at a women's help center. Sadly, she passed away after two months as the result of a heart problem, and Margarita was raised by her maternal grandfather. As an adult, wife and mother, she learned the truth of her conception and birth. She values the gift of life that her mother gave her in the worst circumstances and has even forgiven her biological father.
Adriana Shinki, from Argentina, was conceived in a rape when her mother was only 11 years old. Unable to take care of her, her mother left Adriana in an orphanage where she knew they were going to raise her and care for her. After many years, she had the good fortune to meet her mother and recounted in the blog of Save the 1: "How can I be angry with the woman who gave me life?".
From the feelings of someone who was conceived in violence, but raised in love, Adriana advises all those who question the exceptions: "If there is a woman who has been raped and who is expecting a child who is the fruit of that act and who is reading my story, I would say that having that child will be the realization that something good can come from something bad, and a child is the most beautiful thing in the world and she will never regret not killing her child. That child is hers, no matter how he or she arrives, and is the one who will love her for the simple reason that she is his or her mother. To people who are the result of a violation I would say, obviously, they are not to blame for how they were conceived and their life is worth no more or less than others. They are the same because we are all human and have the right to live our lives."
María de la Paz Rodríguez, also from Argentina, was conceived in a rape and placed for adoption.
Today she is happily married and is the mother of two girls. She herself explains to the world, proudly: "My daughters are pro-life -- the granddaughters of a raped grandmother, who chose not to abort and placed their mother (me) for adoption. Otherwise, my daughters would not exist!"
"Happily adopted! I am a privileged person of life -- because I had two mothers: one who gave me life and another who gave me her life. Who dares to tell me that I should not be born as an unwanted baby conceived during a rape? I am not an abomination of nature because I am not begotten with love. It is better to ADOPT than to ABORT, because every life is worthy!"
Anahí Retsar, also from Argentina, became pregnant after a rape at the young age of 14 years. She contacted Save The 1 to tell us her story. In her words: "It never crossed my mind to kill that child because being raped and being a murderer and blaming someone who does not deserve it, are different things. The child is not to blame for his father's wrongdoing and does not have to pay for his crime." Today Anahí is married, she is the mother of several children -- some whom she adopted and her eldest son, Catrial, has already made her grandmother!
Sofia, also from Argentina, was raped five years ago. Six months after her rape and in a situation of depression and despair for what was done to her, she learned in a routine medical examination that she was expecting a child as a result of her rape. Against everything that others would expect, "That baby became my motive for life, to love my own life, and became the love of my life! My son is now 4 years old and his name is Ian, which means "sent from heaven." He is the miracle that God gave me after a misfortune and my strength to move forward. I'm still in treatment to overcome what happened, but with him, my life went from being a nightmare to being a dream."
As in the case of Sofia, many mothers from rape report how that unexpected and unplanned child -- conceived through an act of barbarism, was her motive for moving forward and the only good thing that came out of that horrendous act. The baby conceived is the triumph of good against evil.
Claudelina Sanabria, a resident of Argentina, was raped at age 11 and became pregnant. Without knowing what had happened, she found herself in front of the juvenile guardian judge who encouraged her to have an abortion. But when he explained what an abortion was, she knew that it meant killing the child she had in her womb. With the choppy words of a scared girl but the wisdom of a mature woman, she rejected abortion and gave birth to her baby. "If I had to advise a girl who expects a child after a rape, I would tell her to be strong and to choose life. You will not regret it. I rejected abortion, survived my rape, and there is nothing like giving birth and being a mother! I wish I could make all those people understand that nobody has the right to take the life of an innocent person."
Viviana Victoria, also from Argentina, suffered sexual abuse since she was 12 years old by a family friend much older than her and was pregnant at the age of 14. But far from being defended by her family or the authorities, she was forced to marry her rapist. The forced marriage and the situation of mistreatment that she suffered almost destroyed her physical and mental health, but, again, her son conceived by violence was her savior. She related her story to Save The 1: "The child I gave birth to came to take away those desires to commit suicide that I had, along with all my unhappiness. He saved my life and gave me hope despite the way he came into this world."
Akli Ahlet from Argentina became pregnant after being raped in a car and had to overcome not only the aftermath of a rape and her memory, but the contempt of society towards her son conceived in violence who was stigmatized even by the doctors themselves who pressured her to abort. She also wrote her story for Save the 1's blog: "The doctor told me that my son was disgusting -- and all for a crime he did not commit. The doctor said he was not going to survive since he already had low blood sugars. I started to cry and to say that I did not understand why he was against my son if he had not done anything wrong."
Alba -- a birthmother from rape is also from Argentina and recently shared her story with us. She
was raped from the age of 7, kept from attending school, left perpetually hungry, and eventually became pregnant at 10 years old. When her father took her for an abortion, she realized that they were going to kill her child, and she managed to escape -- fleeing to her grandmother's home. Her grandmother was beaten for sheltering her and threatened not to go to the authorities to report the rape. But once Alba gave birth to her precious daughter at the age 11, the hospital reported the rapes. She and her daughter were placed with a loving family, where Alba was able to make a permanent adoption plan. She writes: "I thank God because I had a second chance to have a family, mom, dad and siblings who helped me grow up and realize that life is beautiful." Alba received an education, a degree and owns her own business.
"I know that my daughter is growing up in a good family surrounded by love and values. Thanks to the fact that I did not allow an abortion and I said yes to life, my daughter was born and her birth revealed the abuses and the situation of mistreatment that I suffered. Thanks to the fact that the Hospital made the accusation and the Juvenile Justice intervened, I was able to get out of the hell in which I lived and today I am happy."
This is what Alba has to say to the Argentine Congress: "Dear legislators, I leave you with this reflection: Why don't you transform those unwanted children, fruit of barbarism, products of rape into desired and beloved children through the bond of adoption? An evil is not remedied with another evil. I, at ten years old and illiterate, defended my daughter's life. Today I ask you who have the duty to legislate to defend life from the moment of conception. Legislate from love and not from the culture of death."
Please understand that legalizing abortion for rape cases and other exceptions only teaches that the falsity there are lives that are worth more than others. Can you imagine creating "exceptions" for Asian or African or Jewish babies? The message is that they are not worthy of life, and that you do not have to protect their lives. There would be an international outcry if, someday, this were proposed. Yes, it is the same in our case. And we feel that there is great apathy when it comes to valuing our life. Mothers who have children conceived in a rape claim that they are themselves targeted and despised and they are questioned for not having an abortion and because they love that child.
We appreciate the empathy with the victims of a rape, but they are four times more likely to die within the next year after an abortion. In the book of Dr. David Reardon, Victims and Victors, he cites the studies conducted on this. After an abortion, rape victims have a higher rate of suicide and drug addiction. Rapists, pedophiles and sex traffickers love abortion because it destroys the evidence of the crime and empowers them to continue. Often, a girl's own mother has also allowed her to be violated or left her unprotected. It is the baby in these situations who offers evidence of the rape. If we really want to protect the victim from abuse, we must defend her from her rapist and abortion, and not from her child.
Argentina, you are a great nation, much better than others, because you have established a culture
where people are loved and valued. The Argentinian women who have given their testimony above have been able to share their stories of love for life because they all love their lives and love their children no matter how they were conceived. Please, do not accept the culture of death and discrimination again. We urge you to tell your senators NOT to vote in favor of the decriminalization of abortion. Vote NO on the legalization of the death of an innocent. Do not let the blood of innocent Argentine babies be shed on your soil.
BIO: Rebecca Kiessling is a wife, mother of 5, conceived in rape, attorney, international pro-life speaker and writer, and president of Save The 1 / Salvar El 1.
A good number of members are from Argentina, and they are outraged to see the proposed law to
For those like us who have been conceived in a rape, it is hard to know that currently the "exceptions" are allowed through 14 weeks when a pregnant woman merely says she was raped. And for those told that their child would be disabled, it's horrifying to know that if a doctor diagnoses that the baby has malformations "incompatible with life" or if it affirms that the mother is in danger of dying, then the child can be killed up to 14 weeks. These three allegations may or may not be true, but all three are discriminating against the most vulnerable people in society who are the ones who would require more effective protection.
On August 8th, the Argentine Senate will vote on whether abortion will be legal in any case and up to birth for the so-called "exceptions." If approved, Argentina would be the fifth Latin American country to decriminalize abortion without these restrictions, after Cuba, Uruguay, Guyana, Chile and some parts of Mexico -- and the killing of unborn children will be rampant.
Save The 1 is an organization of over 600 people who were conceived in a rape like me, mothers who conceived a child after being raped and who are raising their children, mothers who after giving birth placed the child for adoption and others, who regret aborting. In addition, we have hundreds of mothers who were advised to abort because of a poor pre-natal diagnosis. We value life and we hope that the Argentine Senate will protect life without discrimination.
Our Facebook page in Spanish, Salvar El 1, now has almost 68,000 followers. Since the groundbreaking news that Argentina seeks to legalize abortion, we have received a flood of stories from Argentina from those who want to share their testimonies with us. They have been encouraged to come forward by reading my story and those of many others in our organization. Many voices are rising in Argentina, but, most importantly, the voices of the most innocent are going to be heard and the voice will be raised in defense of those Argentine unborn children who still can not raise it and who are at risk.
Margarita Juncos, from Argentina, was also conceived in rape. Her mother was 17 years old when she was raped and gave birth to her daughter alone at a women's help center. Sadly, she passed away after two months as the result of a heart problem, and Margarita was raised by her maternal grandfather. As an adult, wife and mother, she learned the truth of her conception and birth. She values the gift of life that her mother gave her in the worst circumstances and has even forgiven her biological father.
Adriana Shinki, from Argentina, was conceived in a rape when her mother was only 11 years old. Unable to take care of her, her mother left Adriana in an orphanage where she knew they were going to raise her and care for her. After many years, she had the good fortune to meet her mother and recounted in the blog of Save the 1: "How can I be angry with the woman who gave me life?".
From the feelings of someone who was conceived in violence, but raised in love, Adriana advises all those who question the exceptions: "If there is a woman who has been raped and who is expecting a child who is the fruit of that act and who is reading my story, I would say that having that child will be the realization that something good can come from something bad, and a child is the most beautiful thing in the world and she will never regret not killing her child. That child is hers, no matter how he or she arrives, and is the one who will love her for the simple reason that she is his or her mother. To people who are the result of a violation I would say, obviously, they are not to blame for how they were conceived and their life is worth no more or less than others. They are the same because we are all human and have the right to live our lives."
María de la Paz Rodríguez, also from Argentina, was conceived in a rape and placed for adoption.
"Happily adopted! I am a privileged person of life -- because I had two mothers: one who gave me life and another who gave me her life. Who dares to tell me that I should not be born as an unwanted baby conceived during a rape? I am not an abomination of nature because I am not begotten with love. It is better to ADOPT than to ABORT, because every life is worthy!"
Anahí Retsar, also from Argentina, became pregnant after a rape at the young age of 14 years. She contacted Save The 1 to tell us her story. In her words: "It never crossed my mind to kill that child because being raped and being a murderer and blaming someone who does not deserve it, are different things. The child is not to blame for his father's wrongdoing and does not have to pay for his crime." Today Anahí is married, she is the mother of several children -- some whom she adopted and her eldest son, Catrial, has already made her grandmother!
Sofia, also from Argentina, was raped five years ago. Six months after her rape and in a situation of depression and despair for what was done to her, she learned in a routine medical examination that she was expecting a child as a result of her rape. Against everything that others would expect, "That baby became my motive for life, to love my own life, and became the love of my life! My son is now 4 years old and his name is Ian, which means "sent from heaven." He is the miracle that God gave me after a misfortune and my strength to move forward. I'm still in treatment to overcome what happened, but with him, my life went from being a nightmare to being a dream."
As in the case of Sofia, many mothers from rape report how that unexpected and unplanned child -- conceived through an act of barbarism, was her motive for moving forward and the only good thing that came out of that horrendous act. The baby conceived is the triumph of good against evil.
Claudelina Sanabria, a resident of Argentina, was raped at age 11 and became pregnant. Without knowing what had happened, she found herself in front of the juvenile guardian judge who encouraged her to have an abortion. But when he explained what an abortion was, she knew that it meant killing the child she had in her womb. With the choppy words of a scared girl but the wisdom of a mature woman, she rejected abortion and gave birth to her baby. "If I had to advise a girl who expects a child after a rape, I would tell her to be strong and to choose life. You will not regret it. I rejected abortion, survived my rape, and there is nothing like giving birth and being a mother! I wish I could make all those people understand that nobody has the right to take the life of an innocent person."
Viviana Victoria, also from Argentina, suffered sexual abuse since she was 12 years old by a family friend much older than her and was pregnant at the age of 14. But far from being defended by her family or the authorities, she was forced to marry her rapist. The forced marriage and the situation of mistreatment that she suffered almost destroyed her physical and mental health, but, again, her son conceived by violence was her savior. She related her story to Save The 1: "The child I gave birth to came to take away those desires to commit suicide that I had, along with all my unhappiness. He saved my life and gave me hope despite the way he came into this world."
Akli Ahlet from Argentina became pregnant after being raped in a car and had to overcome not only the aftermath of a rape and her memory, but the contempt of society towards her son conceived in violence who was stigmatized even by the doctors themselves who pressured her to abort. She also wrote her story for Save the 1's blog: "The doctor told me that my son was disgusting -- and all for a crime he did not commit. The doctor said he was not going to survive since he already had low blood sugars. I started to cry and to say that I did not understand why he was against my son if he had not done anything wrong."
Alba -- a birthmother from rape is also from Argentina and recently shared her story with us. She
"I know that my daughter is growing up in a good family surrounded by love and values. Thanks to the fact that I did not allow an abortion and I said yes to life, my daughter was born and her birth revealed the abuses and the situation of mistreatment that I suffered. Thanks to the fact that the Hospital made the accusation and the Juvenile Justice intervened, I was able to get out of the hell in which I lived and today I am happy."
This is what Alba has to say to the Argentine Congress: "Dear legislators, I leave you with this reflection: Why don't you transform those unwanted children, fruit of barbarism, products of rape into desired and beloved children through the bond of adoption? An evil is not remedied with another evil. I, at ten years old and illiterate, defended my daughter's life. Today I ask you who have the duty to legislate to defend life from the moment of conception. Legislate from love and not from the culture of death."
Please understand that legalizing abortion for rape cases and other exceptions only teaches that the falsity there are lives that are worth more than others. Can you imagine creating "exceptions" for Asian or African or Jewish babies? The message is that they are not worthy of life, and that you do not have to protect their lives. There would be an international outcry if, someday, this were proposed. Yes, it is the same in our case. And we feel that there is great apathy when it comes to valuing our life. Mothers who have children conceived in a rape claim that they are themselves targeted and despised and they are questioned for not having an abortion and because they love that child.
We appreciate the empathy with the victims of a rape, but they are four times more likely to die within the next year after an abortion. In the book of Dr. David Reardon, Victims and Victors, he cites the studies conducted on this. After an abortion, rape victims have a higher rate of suicide and drug addiction. Rapists, pedophiles and sex traffickers love abortion because it destroys the evidence of the crime and empowers them to continue. Often, a girl's own mother has also allowed her to be violated or left her unprotected. It is the baby in these situations who offers evidence of the rape. If we really want to protect the victim from abuse, we must defend her from her rapist and abortion, and not from her child.
Argentina, you are a great nation, much better than others, because you have established a culture
BIO: Rebecca Kiessling is a wife, mother of 5, conceived in rape, attorney, international pro-life speaker and writer, and president of Save The 1 / Salvar El 1.
Saturday, June 16, 2018
Save The 1 Intervenes in Iowa Heartbeat Case -- Our Hearts Beat Too! By Rebecca Kiessling, with Brad and Jesi Smith
On May 4, 2018, Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds signed the Heartbeat Bill into law which would protect unborn children who have a detectable heartbeat, except "when the abortion is medically necessary" and defines "medically necessary" as cases of rape, incest and fetal abnormality, making the abortion provider the sole arbiter of these determinations. These exceptions were surprisingly added -- allegedly because certain legislators in the House would not sign the bill without exceptions.
Save The 1 is a global pro-life organization of over 600 of us who were conceived in rape, incest or sex trafficking and mothers who became pregnant by rape, incest or sex trafficking who are either raising their children, birth mothers, miscarried, or post-abortive and mourn the loss of their children. Additionally, we have hundreds who were told by physicians to abort due to a pre-natal diagnosis, along with their children who were targeted by doctors. We specialize in defending all of the so-called “hard cases” in the abortion debate through sharing our personal stories, and we additionally act as a support network. The deadly discrimination contained in the exceptions within the Iowa Heartbeat Law hurts us -- because our hearts beat too!I testified a year earlier on a life-at-conception bill. We are grateful to the Iowa Coalition for Life -- a coalition of the major pro-life organizations in Iowa who brought us in to testify and who vigorously opposed the exceptions.
We discussed what our response as an organization should be. We could cooperate in order that we may have a "seat at the table" and be invited back to Iowa to speak and to testify again on a future bill. But to what end? To have another viral video which ultimately is rendered ineffective in gaining any protection for us and our children? Do we want to be popular, or protected?
Others would like for us to roll over and play dead. Sometimes it feels like the game is fixed -- like this is the Harlem Globetrotters and we are merely the Washington Generals. We aren't supposed to cry foul when our players are thrown to the ground. Politically, many are quite used to us being the sacrificial lamb, and we are supposed to somehow be understanding and cooperative as we are lead to slaughter.
We are told, "It's nothing against you personally," but we are persons, the attack on our very right to life could not possibly be more personal, and of course we will take it personally!
If it were just us who have already been born and merely a matter of our feelings being hurt, perhaps we could somehow "let it go," but there are others who are yet at risk, who are being targeted for killing, who are just as deserving of protection as any of us, and so, we are fighting back.
Planned Parenthood of the Heartland recently filed a lawsuit against the state of Iowa, and we are now filing a motion to intervene as necessary third party intervenors "of right" since the current Plaintiff, Planned Parenthood, clearly will not argue on behalf of our interests. The exceptions within the Iowa Fetal Heartbeat law violate our fundamental right to life, depriving us of due process and equal protection under both the Iowa and U.S. constitutions. Thankfully, there is a severability clause in the legislation so that the offending provisions can be severed and the remainder of the law upheld. We have three attorneys representing Save The 1: Erin Mersino -- a pro-life constitutional law attorney from Michigan with the Great Lakes Justice Center, Eric Borseth -- an attorney from Iowa and a board member of Personhood Iowa, and myself.
As a pro-life attorney, this is why I went to law school. While attending Wayne State law school, I wrote what has been for decades the #1-ranked philosophical abortion essay, "The Right of the Unborn Child Not to be Unjustly Killed -- a philosophy of rights approach." If I can't defend my own right to life in court, then what is the point of being a pro-life attorney? What is the point of being alive? Just to be selfish and live my life without caring about others who are yet at risk? I was protected by Michigan law when my birth mother sought to kill me at two illegal abortions. As a rape victim, she was not offered any help or hope -- just abortion. My life was spared for a purpose, and for such a time as this I will use my life, my talents, my expertise and law degree to save others.
The discriminatory language in the Iowa Heartbeat law defines "medically necessary" as cases in which:
a. The pregnancy which is the result of a rape which is reported within forty-five days of the incident to a law enforcement agency or to a public or private health agency which may include a family physician.
b. The pregnancy is the result of incest which is reported within one hundred forty days of the incident to a law enforcement agency or to a public or private health agency which may include a family physician.
c. Any spontaneous abortion, commonly known as a miscarriage, if not all of the products of conception are expelled.
d. The attending physician certifies that the fetus has a fetal abnormality that in the physician’s reasonable medical judgment is incompatible with life.
Interestingly, among the bill’s
definitions, rape, incest, fetal abnormality and incompatible with life are not
included or even cross-referenced with other sections of the Iowa code, as
other definitions are cross-referenced. So the abortion providers get to decide what they deem to qualify as rape, incest and incompatible with life.
The rape, incest and fetal abnormality exceptions are based upon a fabrication that aborting these unborn children is “medically necessary.” Not one witness testified in the Senate hearing as to such a medical necessity. This language was added to appease state representatives in the House who said they would not approve the bill without language that excludes these children from protection. In other words, the legislative intent was that they believed it was politically necessary – not medically necessary, if they were being honest. The language not only excludes innocent children from protection, doing so under a faulty premise, but really was intended merely to protect certain politicians and nothing to do with protecting pregnant mothers.
The rape, incest and fetal abnormality exceptions are based upon a fabrication that aborting these unborn children is “medically necessary.” Not one witness testified in the Senate hearing as to such a medical necessity. This language was added to appease state representatives in the House who said they would not approve the bill without language that excludes these children from protection. In other words, the legislative intent was that they believed it was politically necessary – not medically necessary, if they were being honest. The language not only excludes innocent children from protection, doing so under a faulty premise, but really was intended merely to protect certain politicians and nothing to do with protecting pregnant mothers.
The abortion physician is given the
power to decide whether the unborn child has a fetal abnormality and whether
the living unborn child with a detectable heartbeat is somehow “incompatible
with life.” These preborn children are
actually disabled children, and as such, should be protected under the
Americans With Disabilities Act.
Additionally, and equally as
troubling, the report of the rape and/or incest merely needs to be made to the
“public or private health agency” – in other words, to the abortion clinic. So the abortion clinic becomes the sole
arbiter of whether a woman was raped and whether her child is to suffer the
death penalty for the alleged crimes of his or her biological father, with no
guidelines provided within the legislation.
This clearly lacks due process and fails to provide equal protection.
The third prong of the exceptions doesn't even make sense at all, because the law only applies when there is a fetal heartbeat. So how could this possibly be a spontaneous abortion situation when there's a beating heart? In so many respects, the exception provisions are extremely poorly written law.
The targeting of our people groups for
exclusion of protection, and in fact, for state-approved killing is clearly
discriminatory. The sting of this discrimination
not only affects every unborn child who is deemed to fit into these legislative
categories of rape, incest or fetal abnormality, but is lifelong – affecting
every person born who was conceived in rape or given a challenging pre-natal
diagnosis by a physician. Additionally,
it causes anguish to the mothers who became pregnant by rape or who were told
by doctors to abort. They grieve at how
their children are so quickly devalued by politicians and within the law.
Permitting abortion for rape, incest and fetal
abnormalities sends a message to our people groups that our lives are worth less
than anyone else’s. Imagine having an exception in cases of Asian babies,
Jewish babies, or left-handed babies. The message sent is that these
people are not worthy of living and did not deserve to be protected like
everyone else. There would be an international outcry if such discrimination against these other people groups were even proposed. Yet, it is the same for us, and we feel the sting of
such hatred against or apathy toward our lives.
The rape survivor mothers and those told by doctors to abort grieve how their children are systematically targeted and devalued. The rape victim mothers are not believed they were raped because they didn’t abort and because they actually love their children.
The rape survivor mothers and those told by doctors to abort grieve how their children are systematically targeted and devalued. The rape victim mothers are not believed they were raped because they didn’t abort and because they actually love their children.
We appreciate concern for pregnant rape victims, but
they are four times more likely to die within the next year after an abortion,
as opposed to giving birth. In Dr. David Reardon’s book, Victims andVictors: Speaking Out About Their Pregnancies, Abortions and Children ResultingFrom Sexual Assault, he cites the research done on the subject. After an
abortion, rape victims have higher rates of murder, suicide, drug overdose,
etc.. Rapists, child molesters and sex traffickers love abortion, which
destroys the evidence and enables them to continue perpetrating. Sexual
predators depend upon abortion clinics because the abortion protects them – not
the pregnant rape victim.
Tragically, it is at times a girl’s own mother who has
been either trafficking her or leaving her unprotected. It is always the
baby who exposes the rape, who delivers the pregnant mother out of the abusive situation,
protecting her and bringing her healing. If the legislators truly care about rape victims, then they must protect her from the rapist and
from the abortion, and not the baby! Her
baby is not the enemy, despite what the legislated exceptions suggest.
In regards to a diagnosis of “incompatible with life”
– it is impossible to be such when you are still living. Physicians who
peddle abortion are truly the ones with fatal heart defects, often failing to
treat the children of parents who refused to abort. A eugenics mentality
becomes pervasive when you allow abortion. For parents who are told by doctors to abort, the
pressure is tremendous – and not just during the pregnancy, but after the child
is born when doctors often refuse to treat their disabled child.
The purpose of the Americans with Disabilities Act is to guaranty
that people with disabilities have the same rights and opportunities as
everyone else. The ADA gives civil rights protections to individuals with
disabilities similar to those provided to individuals on the basis of race,
color, sex, national origin, age, and religion. Accordingly, as a suspect class, the offending
provisions against disabled children within the Iowa Heartbeat Bill should be
subject to strict scrutiny.
The Iowa Heartbeat bill’s bewildering
exceptions legislate extreme and inexplicable hatred toward disabled children
in the womb, as well as those conceived in rape or incest. Prenatal testing -- instead of being used to
treat and heal -- is used for search and destroy missions for those with medically
identifiable disabilities. Iowa
legislators have now authorized doctors to commit genocide against an entire
people group, decreasing their voices and representation within society.
This deliberate targeting and killing
of our people groups also results in doubt being cast upon rape victims for not
aborting “like a true rape victim would”, and the “blaming” of parents for not
aborting their disabled children who are seen within much of the medical
community as a burden on the health care system – much like the Nazi regime
which employed the medical designation of “lebensunwertes leben” (“life
unworthy of life”), referring to the disabled as “useless eaters.”
Using terminology such as “fetal
abnormality” or “incompatible with life“ as classifications for children with
disability is deceiving and treacherous treatment from a government which claims its citizens have equal protection under the law. Born children and adults are treated by some physicians
as “incompatible with life,” and doctors and hospitals point to “medical futility
policies” in order to justify discrimination against these disabled
individuals. This deadly eugenics is
alive and well today in the United States, and now codified in Iowa by the exceptions within this new
law.
Physicians’ predictions are not
medical certainty and denying the right to life and equal protection to entire
groups of disabled children based on an abortion doctor’s best guess is not
medical science. Bias and arrogance of
those who wish to promote biological superiority through the destruction of
disabled children in the womb brings new meaning to the words biological
warfare.
A child’s God-given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness should never be denied because of his or her disability or circumstances of conception. His or her value is not based on what he or she is able to do or the behavior of his or her parents; rather, it is based on his or her humanity and that the child has been endowed by his or her Creator with these inalienable rights.
A child’s God-given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness should never be denied because of his or her disability or circumstances of conception. His or her value is not based on what he or she is able to do or the behavior of his or her parents; rather, it is based on his or her humanity and that the child has been endowed by his or her Creator with these inalienable rights.
We’ve had parents within our
organization who refused to abort and were told by doctors:
“The only further testing you will receive is
an autopsy,”
“If your child is born not breathing,
we won’t resuscitate,” and
“Your child has already outlived her
life expectancy.”
Some parents have endured others looking
at their disabled child in their arms and asking, “Didn’t you get any pre-natal
testing?”
The clear expectation and even
obligation is to abort. The Iowa
legislature has now codified this deadly discrimination.
Since the government has not done its
duty to protect disabled children in the womb, they are also targeted after
leaving the womb. Many children have
medical treatments withheld and denied leading to their death simply because
they have a disability.
Children conceived in rape are often
called dehumanizing names such as:
“Demon seed,” “evil seed,” “horrible
reminder,” “rapist’s child” (an insult to every rape victim mother who knows
that this is her child,) “monster’s child,” “demon spawn,” “Satan’s child,”
“tainting the gene pool,” and on and on. The exceptions within the Iowa Fetal Heartbeat law suggest there is something inherently different about the child conceived in rape that they would be unworthy of protection. To legislate that aborting us is "medically necessary" further suggests that we are somehow medically harming our mothers -- furthering the notion that we are somehow the ones raping our mothers. But we are entirely innocent and we plead our innocence.
While some states like Michigan,
Georgia and Nebraska do not have a single rape exception within the law, there
are other jurisdictions where the child conceived in rape is singled-out and
systematically targeted for extermination.
This lack of equal protection undeniably feeds into the discrimination
within the culture. It codifies hatred,
fear and prejudice against an innocent child.
A civilized nation must protect the
lives of the innocent and disabled child, not target them for extermination and
codify hatred. It is barbaric to punish
an innocent child for someone else’s crime.
The legislature should focus on punishing rapists, not babies and the
Court must focus on protecting lives of the innocent and not the careers of
politicians or interests of the abortion industry. More violence does not bring healing, but
only more pain, more destruction and a less empathetic society.
Given that there was no testimony
before the Iowa legislature from physicians or expert witnesses to suggest that
denying equal protection and due process for our people groups is somehow a
“medical necessity,” it is impossible for the state to claim even a rational
basis for the violation of the most fundamental right. For the disabled unborn child, the state
cannot claim any sort of governmental interest in codifying eugenics, and
certainly not a compelling governmental interest. Assuming medical necessity based upon faulty
assumptions is deadly, and must not stand as a basis for violating the right to
life and equal protection of the laws.
As far as we know, this is the first time in the U.S. and even globally that a group of people like us has defended our own right to life in court. To every legislator nationwide who wants to target our people group within pro-life legislation: we are united, we have a voice, and we will fight back!
BIO: Rebecca Kiessling, conceived in rape, is a pro-life attorney, international pro-life
speaker, wife and mother of 5. She is the president and founder of Save The 1. Brad and Jesi Smith, Save The 1 pro-life speakers contributed. Their youngest daughter, Faith, was born with Trisomy 18. They were behind the Good Faith Medical Act passed in Michigan -- the first of its kind in the nation.
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Impregnated As I Was Passed Out, Raped and Filmed by My Husband, I Now Fight For My Son, by "Sarah"
Sometimes I feel like I am the person who fell between the cracks -- the lost and forgotten. I struggle in silence. I'm sharing my story here because I want to raise awareness regarding spousal rape and how serious it is. Laws have been passed here in Florida and elsewhere to terminate the parental rights of rapists -- without a marital exception. However, the judge in my particular case acknowledged the rape, but justified giving him visitation, saying, "Well, he didn't hurt the child."
It not just the courts who lack compassion either. When I tell someone that I was raped, they'll say, "Oh, that's terrible." But when I say it was by my husband, their tone quickly changes, as if it's not as serious of an offense. From older generations, I'll hear things like, "Oh, I didn't know it's possible that your husband could rape you." It makes me realize the misconceptions people have. I want people to know that it's at least as bad as being raped by a stranger. This was very personal -- someone I chose and trusted, and the ultimate betrayal.
My husband and I had separated for a few months because my ex-husband was worried about him being around our daughter and there were a lot of complicated issues which led to the separation. On weekends that my ex-husband had our daughter, I did see my husband a few times. When I found out I was pregnant, I kind of thought the timing was off, and maybe I was further than the doctor was calculating, but I didn't really give it a lot of thought. Not wanting my child to be raised with divorced parents, we got back together and rented a house.
About four or five months into my pregnancy, I was using my husband's computer, and saw a file labelled "star-porn." My curiosity was definitely piqued, wondering what my husband was up to. I clicked on it, and my mind could barely comprehend what I was seeing. I was in a state of shock and absolutely mortified by the images on the screen. Despite what felt like having an out-of-body experience, I somehow had the clarity of mind to make a copy, as my entire being was shaking in terror.
In the three different videos, which were filmed on my husband's mobile phone, it was clear that I was either completely unconscious, or semi-conscious in one of them as I uttered the word "rape," and that my husband was clearly raping me. To my horror, he used household objects to assault me (an iPhone and a brush).
As I viewed these unimaginable scenes, I felt a sense of humiliation that I've never felt before. My heart was racing and I was in a cold sweat. The videos had the dates they were filmed. When I calculated the doctor's estimated date of conception, it coincided with the date of the videos, and that's when I realized that my child was conceived in rape.
I sent him a text message saying, "You raped me." In a panic, he came rushing home from work, knowing I'd discovered the videos. He actually had the audacity to tell me I was nosy. I asked him why he did it, and he said he was angry with me, but that he couldn't remember why.
He told me that if I turned in the video. the police would have to see me like that, and lots of people would see me like that. Because he was my husband, he said, "No one will believe you," and warned me, "You know how vindictive I can be. I will fight for custody." Scared, humiliated, and confused, I remained silent.
On top of that, I was a stay-at-home mom with a daughter from a prior marriage, along with being pregnant. It wasn't like I could go job hunting with a baby showing. Who would want to hire me? I was incredibly vulnerable with nowhere to go, so I stayed in the home we had just moved into. I'd hope he would have some remorse and leave me alone.
He told me that if I turned in the video. the police would have to see me like that, and lots of people would see me like that. Because he was my husband, he said, "No one will believe you," and warned me, "You know how vindictive I can be. I will fight for custody." Scared, humiliated, and confused, I remained silent.
On top of that, I was a stay-at-home mom with a daughter from a prior marriage, along with being pregnant. It wasn't like I could go job hunting with a baby showing. Who would want to hire me? I was incredibly vulnerable with nowhere to go, so I stayed in the home we had just moved into. I'd hope he would have some remorse and leave me alone.
Things just got worse. I would wake up to him masturbating over my face. I could no longer sleep out of fear -- fear he would rape me, film me or otherwise violate me. He knew that I was terrified, and started threatening to kill me. He would make comments like, "You never know when you might not wake up."
When my son was born, all I felt was love. He was amazing. I'd had an abortion when I was younger, and suffered greatly from it, so I felt like my son was a second chance. It never crossed my mind that my son is the child of my rapist. He's my child, and he didn't do anything wrong.
My husband had no interest in my son. If someone was watching, he'd act like he's superdad. At times, he was even sadistic, putting hot sauce in the baby's food to laugh at his reaction, or putting a bottle of alcohol under the baby's nose. To this day, my son won't eat anything red because he's afraid it will be hot.
After the baby was born, My husband's disdain for me seemed to grow, since he resented the attention I gave to the children, and the bond I had with them. He also resented my family.
He also did a lot of little things that to most people wouldn't make much sense. He threatened to kill himself all the time. On several occasions, he would take my son for a bike ride to lull him to sleep, but then wouldn't come home until one in the morning, not answering his phone the whole time. I was terrified he would commit a murder-suicide. I always tried not to leave my son alone with him.
The abuse toward me went on, and I began getting counseling. I was diagnosed as suffering from PTSD. My therapist said I needed to get out of there, regardless of the financial devastation. By this time, my son was two years old. My father helped me to move out with my daughter and son.
With courage and counseling, on the day I was planning to leave, I went to the police with the video evidence of the rapes on my external hard drive. Initially, the police detective told me I didn't have a case. Feeling defeated, I returned home, but the next day, I went back to the police station and demanded to see her superior, and I was told that they would take my case.
I returned home to load up my vehicle, but somehow, my husband must have known I was planning to leave and he came home from work. He tried to get me into the garage with him, which is where he kept his gun. I called my father, who was right down street, and he left.
The detective who was hostile toward me was kept on the case. She actually said to me, "Maybe you're into that sort of thing." What kind of a woman would be "into" having objects brutally forced into her?! Then the detective interviewed him, and the report she issued was extremely biased.
However, it still went to a state attorney who explained to me that a jury wouldn't understand because he's my husband and because I didn't leave sooner. I was also told that it's very rare for juries to convict in rape cases.
Terrified for the safety of me and my children, I fled the state and went to stay with family. On Skype, my husband was waiving a gun, so I got a photo of that. But my husband had divorce papers prepared a month before I left, and I was quickly ordered to return.
With nowhere to go, I stayed at a domestic violence shelter, where they helped me to file for a restraining order, which was granted. I was hoping my battle to protect myself and my children was over, but the legal battle has gone on for over two years now.
Florida actually passed a law several years ago to terminate the parental rights of rapists, without requiring a rape conviction, and without a marital exception. However, I can't find an attorney who is willing to file a case for me to terminate his parental rights, saying I could somehow risk losing custody because of something called "the friendly parent" provision, which requires parents to facilitate a good relationship with the other parent. I don't understand the culture of attorneys in my county, and it's hard to know who to trust.
I am on the verge of homelessness. I live in an RV now. I'm still not divorced because the court won't grant it until custody is settled. I had to arrange for my daughter from a previous marriage to stay with her father during the school year while I get on my feet.
The Brevard County Family Court judge found that my husband raped me and threatened our lives with a gun. Despite that, I cannot be more than 50 miles from my rapist. I'm required by this court to find a way to be the "friendly parent" so I can "co-parent" -- all the while in fear he will kill me and/or my son to punish me for telling.
Despite a restraining order and his past criminal record, he is now a teacher at a public middle school in Florida. If the police had done their job, he'd be a registered sex offender.
To anyone who believes that being raped by your spouse isn't as bad as stranger rape, I'm here to say it's worse. This is someone who I loved enough to say "I do." Now I see that I made a horrible judgment-call. I can no longer trust myself or anyone else. Everyone is a potential predator.
BIO: "Sarah" is a mother of two, has been an active member of Save The 1's group for mothers who became pregnant by rape, and is now a blogger for Save The 1. She hopes to one day be an advocate for other rape victim mothers and their children. If you are able to assist "Sarah" on her case, please contact Rebecca Kiessling (an attorney only licensed to practice in Michigan, President of Save The 1.)
Despite a restraining order and his past criminal record, he is now a teacher at a public middle school in Florida. If the police had done their job, he'd be a registered sex offender.
To anyone who believes that being raped by your spouse isn't as bad as stranger rape, I'm here to say it's worse. This is someone who I loved enough to say "I do." Now I see that I made a horrible judgment-call. I can no longer trust myself or anyone else. Everyone is a potential predator.
BIO: "Sarah" is a mother of two, has been an active member of Save The 1's group for mothers who became pregnant by rape, and is now a blogger for Save The 1. She hopes to one day be an advocate for other rape victim mothers and their children. If you are able to assist "Sarah" on her case, please contact Rebecca Kiessling (an attorney only licensed to practice in Michigan, President of Save The 1.)
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