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Monday, October 30, 2017
When I Look at My Son, I Have Never Thought of Him as Being Born From Rape, by Alisha Weiler
I'm
finally ready to tell my story about having become pregnant by rape because the
more of us that tell our stories, the better chance we have of being heard. This is hard for me, but we have to start
somewhere first.
When I
was 18, I was supposed to go on a double blind date with my best friend (who
was pregnant at the time) and her boyfriend.
We were supposed to meet at the bowling alley, but supposedly my blind
date’s truck didn't work and he was at his step-father’s bar, so we met
there. We drank quite a bit -- not my
friend who was pregnant, but her boyfriend, me and my blind date. I had never really drank before, so I was
certainly naïve. My blind date kept
serving up shots of Tequila. I know I
was under the legal age to drink, and should have known better. . . .
I ended up really sick, throwing up on the
bathroom floor, and was carried out by my blind date. I remember being put in my friend’s boyfriend’s
car. I passed out, and then I woke up as
I was being pulled out and carried to my blind date’s apartment. There was only a couch and no lights. I
thought that was odd. My blind date put
me on the floor in a room and I passed out again. I woke up naked and in pain, with him on top
of me. I was groggy, but I knew what he
was trying to do and told him “No!” and managed to roll over, but he continued
his efforts of forcing himself on me, and I began screaming. I couldn’t understand why my friend and her
boyfriend had left me alone and why nobody responded to my screams.
After
he raped me, he left the room, and I remember finding a pair of pants nearby and
putting them on. I just sat there, my
knees to chest, head down in my arms, rocking back and forth crying and
confused. After a few minutes, he came
back in the room and attempted raping me again.
He grabbed my arms and tried to push me back, but I fought hard. He got angry and left, slamming the door
behind him.
I quickly got up and opened the door and yelled for my friend because I was afraid he would come back again. She was in the next room crying. I told her what happened and she told me he attempted to rape her too, and that her boyfriend and my blind date had planned the whole thing. He didn't rape her, but he tried, and they had a massive struggle which ultimately resulted in her losing her baby hours later.
Her boyfriend
wasn't in the room with her at the time I walked in, and I don't know where
they were, but eventually they came back in and her boyfriend decided to take
us home.
He dropped us off at about 3:00 a.m. on a road close by her house and made us walk home from there. Her boyfriend told me that the guy who raped me said to tell me, whatever he did to me, he's sorry.
The
next morning, my friend lost her baby. I was too ashamed to tell my parents or
anybody that I’d been raped.
Eight
weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.
When the nurses and doctors heard that I was pregnant by rape, they
tried to convince me that aborting my baby or adopting my baby out would be the
best thing for my baby. I was in
disbelief! I was just traumatized, and
now they want to do that again? More
violence, more trauma? Why would I kill
an innocent child? Why would God give me
a gift so I can say, “No, I don't want what you just gave to me,” and throw it
right back at God like a piece of trash? My child is human and he deserves to live!
My
parents found out I was raped and pregnant when they overheard me tell a friend
on the phone. Of course, they were upset
that two months had gone by and I had not told them, but they were extremely
supportive of me and my baby. They had raised me to be pro-life, and I knew it
was never okay to kill a baby.
Once my
parents knew about the rape, we proceeded to report it, as well as my
girlfriend reporting her attempted rape and loss of her unborn child. We both got restraining orders against
him. This was all in Florida. My parents moved us to Texas when my son was
four months old, and the wheels of justice were turning slowly.
My
biggest concern was making sure he could not have parental rights to my
child. At the time, Florida law did not
protect me and my son. However, a few
years ago, the Rape Survivor Child Custody Act was passed in Florida to
terminate the parental rights of rapists.
So, in order of us to be protected from the rapist, when my son was
about six months old, a deal was made through his lawyer that he would agree to
the termination of his parental rights in exchange for me dropping the charges
against him.
I felt
guilty for not going through with the charges because he could just do the same
thing to someone else, but my ultimate goal at this point was to protect myself
and my son. It was very difficult
dealing with the whole situation and even just the thought of returning to
Florida and seeing him again in court.
When I
look at my son, I have never thought of him as being born from rape. Life has
He
knows that people think that if a child is born from a rape, then that child should
be aborted. He told me that he’s glad I
didn’t abort him and that he’s happy to be alive. My son still has not told
anyone his story himself. I’m sure he
doesn’t want to be ridiculed for it.
I’ve
told him that it can be a cold, hard world, but I am sharing my story now
because people need to be aware that these babies don’t deserve to die for
someone else’s crime. I’d like to get
the message across that there are more women like me who love our children who
were conceived in rape, and like my son, who deserve to live – and without
shame to them.
Why would people think it's okay to take that right to life away? It's time to speak out and up for these babies who should never be denied life!
For many years, I felt like I must be the only one who was raped and is raising her child. I can't even describe how it felt to be so alone in this. But now, through Save The 1, I have met dozens of other mothers. I want other women to know that there are others of us and we understand.
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