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Monday, December 12, 2016
She Has No Part In Any of the Ugliness Surrounding Her Conception, by Aimee Kidd
March 3rd,
2016 is the day I learned that not only was I pregnant, but also that I had
been raped and a baby had been conceived because of that rape. After a month of being very ill and incredibly
exhausted, I sought medical treatment, and that is when I was administered a
pregnancy test and given these shocking results.
Without a
doubt, I knew I must have been raped on January 30th, because that’s
when I had woke up the next morning knowing something wasn’t right. I was naked from the waist down, had a
terrible headache like never before, and my body was aching. Nothing made sense. I had no idea how I got home, undressed, or
why on earth I felt the way I did. I
stayed in bed all day long.
I did nothing
“wrong”. I went out with two girlfriends
and came home to my own bed. My last
memory of the evening is not feeling well -- incredibly tired and dizzy. I crawled in bed with my sleeping toddler and
went to sleep.
I didn’t
dress provocatively. I didn’t drink to
excess. I didn’t drink and drive. I did nothing “wrong”. However, a man saw an opportunity to put
something in my drink and then proceeded to take something I was not willing to
give -- my body.
I’m not sure
if it would be worse to have a memory of the rape, or to live day after day, as
I do, imagining what this man did to me while I laid like a dead person in my
own bed, in my own home, with my sleeping toddler in my arms. I haven’t decided if it is a blessing or a
curse to not know what was done to me. I
am only left to imagine and assume what occurred that night, and everyday is
like a nightmare because of that.
Since learning
I was pregnant, I have given testimony to six unknown police officers, and had
to share my story with nurses, my doctor, my friends, my family, and even my precious
innocent children. The best I could
muster up or offer as an explanation to my five other children ages 2 to 15 was
that “Mommy is going to have a baby. You
will have a new sibling. There was a bad
man who put a baby in my belly, but we are going to love this baby.”
Next came the
questions from my kids: Who is the bad
man? Will he try to hurt you? Will he hurt us? Will he try to take our baby away? Mommy, are you going to die because you’re not
supposed to have anymore babies? Did the
bad man go to jail? Why not?
I ask you --
what answers am I to give them?
During my
pregnancy, I’d been ill. I spent
hundreds on prescription meds to control my nausea and vomiting. I vomited blood. I missed days, weeks, and months of work
because of being so severely ill. I am
the only one who works in my home as I am a single mother. I fell behind on every single bill. I had yard sales and sold things online in
order to put gas in the car and food on the table. When I finally could compose
myself and control my vomiting enough to return to work, I was able to catch up
on my bills in September.
During my
pregnancy, I was asked more than seven times if I wanted to give up my baby for
adoption. I have learned that the
socially acceptable norm is for women who conceive children through rape to
continue with a pregnancy and then proceed to place their child for
adoption. It is almost taboo for me to
actually want to keep and parent a baby conceived through rape. So, I’ve had to face scrutiny for that as
well. In cases such as mine, it is
considered a tragedy, rather than an act of love or nobility that I choose to
keep my baby.
I had to try to
laugh it off when someone asked me, “Don’t you know what causes that yet?” as
they pointed to my pregnant belly. I’ve
had to feel ashamed and humiliated when I walked around pregnant as an
unmarried woman. I’ve had to endure the
embarrassment of telling my story. I’ve
held tears and rage back when people ask about the dad. I cannot even imagine
the embarrassment and pain my children have felt or will feel when asked where or
who the baby’s dad is.
I tried to
prepare myself for my baby coming. I had
broken down and sobbed in the middle of stores when a little onesie that boasts
“Daddy’s girl” or “Daddy’s lil princess” was displayed on a rack. I’ve been overcome with disgust and anger and
sadness, and in the middle of a store or not, my emotions got the better of me.
Nevertheless,
I’ve rubbed my belly countless nights telling my baby how much I love her. I’ve tried to tell her she is beautiful and
innocent and is a precious blessing to me and her brothers and sisters. I’ve imagined what words I could possibly
ever find or use to explain to her how she came to be. I’ve imagined what I may tell her one day
when she asks where and who her daddy is.
Yes, I was
pregnant by rape, and yes, I’m thankful for this baby! My first reaction, however, was not that at
all! And you know what? That’s OK!
No one thinks they’ll ever be raped, let alone conceive a child through
it. I sure as heck never did.
I was one of
those people who would have said, in cases of rape, I could understand a rape
victim wanting an abortion. I never
understood how hurtful that statement was until I became pregnant because of
rape. My rapist has enjoyed living a
life filled with freedom. He’s been able
to work and pay his bills. He’s been
able to enjoy his family and his life comfortably. So why would my baby not be entitled to enjoy
the same luxuries, to enjoy life?
I didn’t want
or need an abortion. I wanted and needed
real tangible help, and I thank God for my support system who has abundantly
blessed me and my baby upon her birth. I
want and I need to see some form of justice. I don’t want child support from a
rapist who belongs in jail, not free out on the streets and able to work. I want and need to be protected from the
rapist having parental rights.
Now, I’m
doubtful that my rapist is going to want anything to do with my baby, and I
thank GOD for that every day; however, in Wyoming, rapists have rights to
babies who they conceive through rape.
So my worst nightmare is that one day he will want rights.
Let me help
you understand. Every single day is an
emotional rollercoaster. Dealing with a rape is a huge emotional trauma. Dealing with a pregnancy because of a rape is
even more difficult. But, knowing your
rapist is free and out abusing more women while law enforcement sits idly by is
infuriating.
I’m proud of
the fact that I’m sharing my story. I’ll
continue to share it again and again.
WHY? Because, most women
won’t. I feel like God gave me this big
mouth and outspoken attitude for a reason.
Maybe it is to be a voice for women who have gone through or will go
through something similar.
When I first
discovered I was pregnant and the reality that I had been raped set in, I
wanted to bury myself in a hole. I
wanted someone to knock me out, get this baby out of me, and wake me up like it
was all a bad dream. I never thought I’d
have the courage to share my story. In
fact, when the words first came out of my mouth, I had a hard time believing
it. Surreal is an understatement. Like I said, no one thinks this could ever
happen to them.
I see this as
an opportunity, though. I’m raising
daughters and sons. I want my sons to
know what happened to me is wrong! It
should never be tolerated. I want my
daughters to learn from this and be able to take any and all precautions to
prevent it from happening to them, as well as to educate their girlfriends and
practice a buddy system so neither them nor their friends will have to go
through anything like this.
It is an
opportunity to inspire other women who have faced similar horrific experiences
to know, even though they may be scared or embarrassed, they aren’t in the
wrong and it is okay to talk about it.
It is an
opportunity to shed light on our failing justice system and law enforcement.
It is an opportunity
to show women that it is possible to survive a rape, even to become pregnant by
rape, and still choose to carry your baby and love your baby.
So am I happy
about the baby? Am I excited? Yes.
Am I angry? Am I disgusted? Yes. Am
I frustrated with what another baby is going to do to my life and finances?
Yep.
Maybe one
day, when a woman who is raped and feels the same feelings I felt when she
learns she is pregnant, she will look at my beautiful daughter and know that it
is okay to somehow get through a difficult and traumatic pregnancy because she
too will be rewarded with a beautiful human being.
So there you
have it. I won’t be hushed. I’m not going to stop trying to make people
listen and understand. I’ll continue to
fight our failed justice system. I’ll continue
to be a voice for women. I’ll continue
to be a voice for unborn babies conceived through rape. I’ll continue . . . .
BIO: Aimee Kidd is a mother of 6, self-employed,
in Casper, Wyoming, and is a pro-life blogger for Save The 1. Read Aimee's follow-up blog where she shares how she came to realize life was the right choice: http://savethe1.blogspot.com/2017/01/raped-pregnant-and-determined-to-abort.html
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5 comments:
May God continue to Bless you and yours.
I just want to say thank you for your courageous testimony. And thank you for pointing out where the challenges lie ahead - I hadn't been aware until recently about the custody issues in cases of rape, and I'm dedicated to changing these laws to protect women and their children. It's important to keep speaking up and urging us to work together to support ALL of our children.
Thanks for sharing your story. Obviously it's hard for a person in your position, but many people say and do things that hurt you because they don't know what happened and are just basing their comments and actions on their own life experience. It may be misguided, but those people can't know that they're hurting you unless you let them know. So sharing your story is giving them an opportunity to learn and grow as well. I'm sorry that you have had to live through this, but thank you for making the best of it, from caring for your child to explaining what you're going through so the rest of us can understand better.
Aimee, you're amazing and beautiful.
You are an amazing women....so brutally honest but so strong, a true inspiration...I know GOD will provide for you and all ur beautiful kids...lots of prayers and thank you for sharing ur life with the world....
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