Follow Save the 1
Friday, May 15, 2015
My Birthmother Was Raped, But God Had a Plan For Both of Our Lives, by Sherry Hensley
Six years ago while on a trip
home to visit my parents, I had the privilege to take a four-hour drive and
meet a woman who I have come to know and admire her for her selfless love, her strength,
and her act of courage in the middle of adversity -- my birthmother.
Growing up, I always knew I was an adopted child. My parents did not keep it a secret and they loved me no matter if I was born into the family or adopted. My parents told me growing up that when I reached the age of 18, if I wanted to search for my birthparents, they would help me do it.
For many years, I dealt with some medical issues and had a lot of questions which adoptees think about. My adoption was “closed,” but in January of 2008, I decided to get my non-ID information.
The day finally came when the packet arrived in the mail. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. I waited until my husband got home from work to open it. That evening in January of 2008, I opened the packet, and we read it together. I was amazed as to what I was reading. As I read about my birthmother having taught children who had cerebral palsy, I felt so proud of her!
The packet did not give very much information about my birthfather other than on one of the pages in big letters it said, “Alleged Father.” That is when I got the feeling that something bad had happened.
After my husband and I finished reading the information, he told me he wanted for us to get to know my birthmother more, inspiring me to search for her. I called my parents, and I told them that I was going to continue to search for my birthmother.
I wrote my birthmother an outreach statement without any names and emailed it to my caseworker. Several days went by and the days felt more like years. I continued to pray that God would work the situation out because I wanted to know who she was so I could thank her for choosing life.
The day finally came when I received a phone call from my caseworker. She said she had talked with my birthmother, and that she wanted to have contact with me! The caseworker told me that before she could give me all of the information, my birthmother wanted me to know the truth: my birthmother was raped.
The day I heard that I was conceived in rape, I chose not to become angry or bitter about my beginnings, and I chose to love my birthfather. Why did I choose to love my birthfather who is a rapist? Because Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, as well as the sins of my birthfather. I chose to love him through the love of Jesus Christ. That day, God also gave to me a heart filled with so much love and compassion for my birthmother for what she’d endured!
It was several weeks later after my birthmother was raped that she discovered she was pregnant. When she told her mother that she was pregnant, her mother was not thrilled with the turn of events and gave my birthmother three weeks to get out of the house. Her father had passed away in 1967 and so no one else was there to protect and defend her.
She then went to live at a home for unwed mothers, and it was there that my birthmother started her healing process. The question went through her mind: what am I to do with this baby? My birthmother had to make a decision. She had no job, no permanent place to live, was not married, and no support from family. My birthfather, of course, was out of the picture. In fact, she didn’t even know my birthfather’s name.
Her aunt though had an idea: she could arrange for her to have an illegal abortion with a doctor in Michigan (this was before Roe V Wade.)
However, my birthmother knew that there was life growing inside of her womb --Life
given by God and a gift from God. My birthmother said her favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you
hope and a future.” She did not
want to disrupt the plans which God had for the tiny life who was growing
inside of her. When she decided to place
me for adoption, her one request to the social worker was that her baby be placed in a strong Christian home.
When I was born, my birthmother had some complications. We both remained in the hospital for a week before she went home and I was released to my foster parent’s house. God blessed my birthmother with one week to love, care for and hold her baby girl she’d named Rebecca Ann. My birthmother and I were released from the hospital on the same day, and she said she then placed me into the hands of God.
When I got in contact with my birthmother, she told me, “I have always loved you, and you were the beginning of my healing process.” She also said what a lot of people don’t realize – that the baby who is conceived out of rape becomes a strong healing force in the situation. Why? Because out of something horrific and traumatic comes a precious human being, and the Giver of Life brings healing to the one who suffered.
The day I received the information from my caseworker that my birthmother wanted to meet me, a feeling of completeness came over me, as well as a great love which I have for my birthmother.
I sent my birthmother an email the night of Feb 5th. In the morning, I checked my inbox and was excited to see that I had an email from her which included a picture of her and her family. I have a half-brother and a step-sister. We exchanged further emails, and I called her and we chatted for a bit. It was a relief to know we were on the same page. She said, “Okay we need to talk about when we can meet.” My parents and my husband know me well, and that is the exact way that I would have said it! So we worked it out, and we had the day set for May 21st & 22nd, 2008, as I was going to be home to spend some time with my parents for a vacation.
After almost 35 years, the day finally came that my mom, my dad, my husband and I
got to meet my birthmother
and half-brother. We met them at the
hotel where we were staying, sat by the pool chatting, then went to a nice
dinner. My birthmother had my half-brother pray over the food. Well, he prayed
and he also thanked God for the reunion between his mom and her daughter. I about cried because of the immense joy I
felt at that moment.
After dinner, we went to her house, and I got to see pictures of her when she was younger, and I looked so much like her! It was surreal. Genetics are wild.
The next day was wonderful as well, spending the afternoon with her, touring her home town, looking at more photos. She gave me a picture to keep, as well as a copy of the family lineage, which is so precious to have! I felt so blessed to spend time with her like that. I told her I felt I have met an older sister. My birthmother is someone from whom I can learn, and someone who I call my Special Friend. I couldn’t feel more blessed!
Yes, my biological great aunt wanted me to be aborted, but my birthmother chose life, and I was protected by law from an illegal abortion. God was faithful to my birthmother’s prayer: I was raised in a wonderful Christian home where faith was taught, and it was real.
God has been so very good to
me, and He has blessed me beyond measure with amazing parents, a brother who
also is adopted, a loving husband who I
adore so very much, incredible friends and a tight-knit church family. I was conceived in rape, but I am loved.
BIO: Sherry Hensley is pro-life speaker from Maryland – conceived in rape, saved from an illegal abortion, and a blogger for Save The 1. She’s married to a Minister and loves to share her faith and inspire others. Her website is www.thevalueoflife.net
Growing up, I always knew I was an adopted child. My parents did not keep it a secret and they loved me no matter if I was born into the family or adopted. My parents told me growing up that when I reached the age of 18, if I wanted to search for my birthparents, they would help me do it.
For many years, I dealt with some medical issues and had a lot of questions which adoptees think about. My adoption was “closed,” but in January of 2008, I decided to get my non-ID information.
The day finally came when the packet arrived in the mail. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. I waited until my husband got home from work to open it. That evening in January of 2008, I opened the packet, and we read it together. I was amazed as to what I was reading. As I read about my birthmother having taught children who had cerebral palsy, I felt so proud of her!
The packet did not give very much information about my birthfather other than on one of the pages in big letters it said, “Alleged Father.” That is when I got the feeling that something bad had happened.
After my husband and I finished reading the information, he told me he wanted for us to get to know my birthmother more, inspiring me to search for her. I called my parents, and I told them that I was going to continue to search for my birthmother.
I wrote my birthmother an outreach statement without any names and emailed it to my caseworker. Several days went by and the days felt more like years. I continued to pray that God would work the situation out because I wanted to know who she was so I could thank her for choosing life.
The day finally came when I received a phone call from my caseworker. She said she had talked with my birthmother, and that she wanted to have contact with me! The caseworker told me that before she could give me all of the information, my birthmother wanted me to know the truth: my birthmother was raped.
The day I heard that I was conceived in rape, I chose not to become angry or bitter about my beginnings, and I chose to love my birthfather. Why did I choose to love my birthfather who is a rapist? Because Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, as well as the sins of my birthfather. I chose to love him through the love of Jesus Christ. That day, God also gave to me a heart filled with so much love and compassion for my birthmother for what she’d endured!
It was several weeks later after my birthmother was raped that she discovered she was pregnant. When she told her mother that she was pregnant, her mother was not thrilled with the turn of events and gave my birthmother three weeks to get out of the house. Her father had passed away in 1967 and so no one else was there to protect and defend her.
She then went to live at a home for unwed mothers, and it was there that my birthmother started her healing process. The question went through her mind: what am I to do with this baby? My birthmother had to make a decision. She had no job, no permanent place to live, was not married, and no support from family. My birthfather, of course, was out of the picture. In fact, she didn’t even know my birthfather’s name.
Her aunt though had an idea: she could arrange for her to have an illegal abortion with a doctor in Michigan (this was before Roe V Wade.)
However, my birthmother knew that there was life growing inside of her womb --Life
When I was born, my birthmother had some complications. We both remained in the hospital for a week before she went home and I was released to my foster parent’s house. God blessed my birthmother with one week to love, care for and hold her baby girl she’d named Rebecca Ann. My birthmother and I were released from the hospital on the same day, and she said she then placed me into the hands of God.
When I got in contact with my birthmother, she told me, “I have always loved you, and you were the beginning of my healing process.” She also said what a lot of people don’t realize – that the baby who is conceived out of rape becomes a strong healing force in the situation. Why? Because out of something horrific and traumatic comes a precious human being, and the Giver of Life brings healing to the one who suffered.
The day I received the information from my caseworker that my birthmother wanted to meet me, a feeling of completeness came over me, as well as a great love which I have for my birthmother.
I sent my birthmother an email the night of Feb 5th. In the morning, I checked my inbox and was excited to see that I had an email from her which included a picture of her and her family. I have a half-brother and a step-sister. We exchanged further emails, and I called her and we chatted for a bit. It was a relief to know we were on the same page. She said, “Okay we need to talk about when we can meet.” My parents and my husband know me well, and that is the exact way that I would have said it! So we worked it out, and we had the day set for May 21st & 22nd, 2008, as I was going to be home to spend some time with my parents for a vacation.
After almost 35 years, the day finally came that my mom, my dad, my husband and I
After dinner, we went to her house, and I got to see pictures of her when she was younger, and I looked so much like her! It was surreal. Genetics are wild.
The next day was wonderful as well, spending the afternoon with her, touring her home town, looking at more photos. She gave me a picture to keep, as well as a copy of the family lineage, which is so precious to have! I felt so blessed to spend time with her like that. I told her I felt I have met an older sister. My birthmother is someone from whom I can learn, and someone who I call my Special Friend. I couldn’t feel more blessed!
Yes, my biological great aunt wanted me to be aborted, but my birthmother chose life, and I was protected by law from an illegal abortion. God was faithful to my birthmother’s prayer: I was raised in a wonderful Christian home where faith was taught, and it was real.
God has been so very good to
me, and He has blessed me beyond measure with amazing parents, a brother who
also is adopted, a loving husband who I
adore so very much, incredible friends and a tight-knit church family. I was conceived in rape, but I am loved.BIO: Sherry Hensley is pro-life speaker from Maryland – conceived in rape, saved from an illegal abortion, and a blogger for Save The 1. She’s married to a Minister and loves to share her faith and inspire others. Her website is www.thevalueoflife.net
Congress' Rape Exception Gave Pro-Abort Dems the Floor on the Rape Debate by Jim Sable
Since HR36, Congress’ Pain Capable Unborn Child
Protection Act, did not follow solid pro-life principles, (a discriminatory rape/incest
exception was included), debate on the floor of the House of Representatives
resulted in some unintended consequences.
Did anyone else notice this? The
Democratic Party representatives -- the radically pro-abortion House members
who testified in opposition to HR36, went on and on, speaker after speaker,
presenting their sympathetic case that abortion is compassionate and protective of
women after rape conception. We are armed with the truth of what it takes to support a woman through her trauma after rape while also protecting her baby, so wasn't their rant on rape painful to listen to? The pro-abort Democrats' opinion is that the rape exception, as revised for the current bill, is still
too restrictive. They would make the
same objections to a bill without a rape and incest exception, but this time, there was no counter-argument.
Our pro-life legislators had no rebuttal to
this. Why? Because the bill has a rape exception, so how
could they argue about wanting to protect children like me who were conceived in rape? How could they argue for our humanity? How could they argue the truth that rape
victims are worse off after an abortion and survivors like my birthmother are better off after giving birth?
All that the pro-life side was left with was an abstract,
logic-defying counter-argument suggesting that it is the rape exception in the
bill which protects women’s health -- a similar argument to one which was used
to promote the bill in the weeks preceding the vote. Most of the pro-life legislators avoided
discussing the exception entirely. Understand that because
of the added rape exception, it was impossible to discuss any cases of mothers from
rape/incest or rape/incest-conceived individuals which tell positive,
life-affirming stories of hope and redemption which would overwhelm the
darkness contained in the testimony of the Democrats!
It certainly is not logical to attempt to defend the
lives of the rape-conceived or to encourage mothers to choose life after
conceiving through rape, while at the same time promoting a rape exception and guaranteeing
the right to abortion after rape conception in our own “pro-life” sponsored
law! As you can see, when the bill is
allowing abortion after a rape conception -- when our side is actually setting up
the process by which an abortion after rape conception can be acquired -- the
option of bringing life-affirming stories to legislative debate is eliminated and the opposition gets to dominate the debate on this topic.
Were there no rape exception, truly pro-life
Congressmen would be free and able to completely defeat the false claims that
an abortion is the compassionate response to rape conception. However “instructive” some on our side think
the HR36 bill is, whatever opportunity we have to make a sympathetic case for the
humanity of the unborn late-term baby, is wholly negated by the pro-abortion
Democrats’ continuous talk of the tragedy of the raped and pregnant woman. From their perspective, they had their own sympathy element to
highlight. With the rape exception in
the bill, pro-life Congressmen could do nothing to
counteract that.
I hope this really is
instructional – for the pro-life side. Pro-Life Congressmen need to stick to principle and focus on punishing rapists, not babies.
BIO: Jim Sable,
conceived in rape, is a husband, father of 3, and pro-life speaker and blogger for Save The 1. He’s a Board Member of Save The 1 and Board
Member of Hope After Rape
Conception. His story is featured in
the DVDs “Except in Cases of Rape? 12
Stories of Survival,” and “Conceived
in Rape and Other Exceptions.”
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
She Was "Sad and Skeptical About Rape Babies" by Rebecca Kiessling
Why should I have to prove my worth and my right to life? When I first learned at the age of 18 that I
was conceived in rape, I instantly felt targeted and devalued by our society
because I’d heard what people said about pregnancy “in cases of rape.” Right away, I felt I was in a position where
I would have to justify my own existence – that I would have to prove myself to
the world that I shouldn’t have been aborted and that I was worthy of living.
BIO: Rebecca Kiessling was conceived in rape and nearly aborted, but legally protected by law in Michigan pre-Roe v Wade. She's an attorney, pro-life speaker and blogger, and President of Save The 1. Her own website is www.rebeccakiessling.com
I’ve since found my own value, identity and
purpose in Christ, being created by God, in His image, and for a purpose, so I
no longer feel I need to prove my worth to others in order to feel worthy. Instead, I share my worth out of gratitude
for my own life being spared and in order that others may see the value of those
who are still at risk – those who are in harm’s way as yet unborn and being
targeted for abortion in the clinics, in legislation, and in people’s hearts
and minds.
Whenever I speak, I share this aspect of my
journey, but people are shocked to hear that I actually do get challenged to
prove my value, to demonstrate my positive contribution to society and to justify my right not to have been aborted. This recent e-mail is a
case in point. It was a tough inquiry to
receive, but you’ll see my hopefully patient (and prayerful) responses below,
and the ultimate outcome of the exchange:
I’m feeling sad and
skeptical about rape babies. I’d love to
consider myself pro-life due to biblical reasons, but I just don’t really see
what good can ever come out of a rape baby.
I still think that it sometimes furthers the victimization of a rape
victim. And it’s also because I’m very
sad and disturbed by your blog.
I just think
sometimes that it would be better if these babies never existed -- that every
single one would naturally be miscarried by God’s will, so no one could bully
them for their skeleton in their closet. Like I said, the subject manner disturbs
me to the point where I vomit. I wish that every child was conceived in love
and not violence because that's the way it should be. And I'm sad to say that the only way I could
fully believe all of you rape mothers and children is if you were to pray for
the peace of God that transcends all my futile understanding and my volatile,
overly-sensitive emotions.
There is no story in
the whole world that can fully change my mind. The only way I could ever is if
I were to befriend a victim or become the Bride of a man whom was the product
of abuse. I'm so sorry to be brutally
honest; it's just that my heart grieves to the point where I feel the struggle
to overcome the sin of prejudice. I'm so
angry at God that he allows this to occur.
Dear __, I appreciate
you going to our blog and taking the time to reach out to us. Your
concerns are the most common, but research shows that rape victims are four
times more likely to die within the next year after the abortion vs. giving
birth. Dr. David Reardon's book Victims and Victors:
Speaking Out About Their Pregnancies, Abortions and Children Resulting
From Sexual Assault explains this: http://www.amazon.com/Victims-Victors-Pregnancies-Abortions-Resulting/dp/0964895714.
So it's a myth which gets perpetuated -- that a rape victim would be better off
after an abortion, that her child would be a reminder of the rape, and that she
would even see her child as a "rape baby," as you put it.
I understand a lot of what you're saying. You would definitely feel differently if you
knew someone personally. I wished I wasn’t
conceived in rape, but I do believe now that God definitely bring good out of
evil, and uses tragic situations to bring healing. He doesn't intend the evil of course, but his
trademark is redeeming really awful situations.
-- Rebecca
Her reply (again, challenging for me to read,
but I think she candidly articulates a lot of what most people really wonder or
think):
What has God done in your life personally besides this blog
that has made your tragic family life worth the pain? Tell me what you have been doing: like
marriage, dating, children, jobs, friendship, volunteer work; any of that. I am curious to see how God has given your
life joy and purpose. I'm sorry if I
have ever been difficult to handle. I'm
emotionally impulsive when I hear something sad.
First of all, my birthmother
and her husband legally adopted me 3-1/2 years ago because my adoptive family
was really screwed up (long story of abuse and abandonment.) My own
adoption by my birthmother was our fairy-tale ending. She says I'm a
blessing to her, I honor her and I bring her healing! I love adoption -- my two oldest are adopted
(very open adoption,) and we adopted a baby with special needs -- Cassie -- who
died in our arms at 33 days old. It was an honor to take care of her and
was definitely one of the most important things I'd ever done in my life.
She died because of medical malpractice.
Married for nearly 17
years, we have 5 children now – two adopted sons and our three biological
daughters. Here's my son's story: http://www.lifenews.com/2014/08/29/my-teen-mom-was-a-convicted-drug-user-should-i-have-been-aborted/
He wrote it last September at 12 years old.
Besides being the
president and founder of Save The 1, I also co-founded Hope After Rape
Conception. I'm a family law attorney, though I closed my law
practice to have my children and to home school until 2-1/2 years ago.
I make baby quilts which
I donate to pregnancy resource centers and I give to moms in unplanned
pregnancies. My birthmother taught me to sew! I also taught
my children to quilt, as well as many of my friends and their children.
I've volunteered with orphan care, Sunday school, feeding the disadvantaged, free
legal work, volunteer work for a maternity home, and helping in various ways with
pregnancy resource centers. I changed the hearts of Gov. Rick Perry and
Newt Gingrich on this issue during their presidential campaigns!
A large part of what I do is helping others to understand their
value, identity and worth because lots of people struggle with these issues --
not just those conceived in rape. I hope
this helps! -- Rebecca
Her final response – from someone who said “there is no story in
the world that can fully change my mind”:
Dear Rebecca, thank you so much for your time to
straighten out my emotional acting out -- I'm really glad you told me about
your life. I really think I'll be okay
now. I still wish that men wouldn't
rape, but at least the world knows a lot more than they used to and I can say
that I'm pro-life to my college professors without paranoia or anxiety. I even
talked about helping people like you with my mom and dad. They told me I'm too sensitive in personality
to be involved directly in domestic politics; yet, I'm praying about being a
free English tutor for troubled families as well as being an anti-pornography informant
or activist. After all, the porn
industry has been statistically linked to the sexual violence pandemic. I'm so glad that you are living life well and
to the best of your ability; keep telling people that just because your birth
father was an evil scumbag doesn't mean that you are. Thanks Rebecca, you have
really touched and strengthened my heart. With much sincerity.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)