I was raped on my way to a professional exam.  After the incident, I kept telling myself that it didn’t happen and I had to move on.  I almost believed myself -- until I found out a month later that I was PREGNANT, then everything that happened came rushing back.  I hated myself, I hated what happened, and above all, I hated the baby.  My first thought was “ABORTION.” I was a young girl struggling to better my future and that of my family. ''The baby would ruin my hopes and aspirations for the future,'' I thought.  

I searched really hard for funds to sponsor my abortion, but couldn’t find any.  I even started taking some really dangerous drugs from when the pregnancy was 1 month to 7 months, but the baby just refused to die.  I thought of committing suicide a lot of times, but then my mum was seriously ill and I was of great help to her.

I kept my pregnancy a secret from my friends and family for 7 months.  I would usually hit my belly aggressively when alone and scream to the baby, “Just die or go away, but whatever  -- don’t come out through me!”  I was highly traumatized and depressed in silence and agony for 7 months before I told my family what happened.  I got support from my mum and a non-governmental organization (N.G.O) in my country – Nigeria -- and I had my baby.

It was a difficult labor, but the moment I held him in my arms I felt an inner peace.  Now I look at him and wonder how I could have ever rejected such a glorious blessing -- he is the most wonderful and sweetest gift that life has given me!  His smile gives a reason to be strong and move on with my life.  He understands my every mood and our bond is so strong! He is 5 months old now and I would rather be on the streets than give him up for adoption.  I don’t see him as a product of rape; rather, I see him as a child of Destiny.

People need to understand that God doesn’t send the rapist.  We all have our choice of behavior – free will, but rather God uses a painful situation to create something good – the baby.  I don’t judge a scared, young girl for wanting an abortion or for having an abortion because I almost did the same thing, but my point is considering the child as the victim's child and not the rapist’s, considering the child as a human with feelings and aspirations. 

Let’s face the truth:  the child shares no fault in what happened and has a right to live -- every child has a life to live, especially children born out of rape.  They have a great future and a maker – God -- who wasn’t stupid to have sent them down on earth.  They aren’t the rapist’s product, but the creative work of God.   He brought them for a purpose and to fulfill a destiny, just like my son!

BIO:  Betty E. is an event planner and make-up artist from Nigeria.  She’s also a member and blogger for Save The 1 – connecting with and encouraging other mothers who became pregnant by rape.

Confused.  Upset.  Scared.  Angry.   These were my feelings when the high risk doctor from Riverside Hospital’s Maternal Fetal Medicine told me that my baby was going to die.  He told me she had Trisomy 18 and bluntly stated that she was, “incompatible with life.”  He asked my husband and I if we wanted to "terminate the pregnancy."  We politely declined.   He asked us again.  We told him no once more.  For a third time, he strongly stated that she was going to most likely die in my womb and there would be no reason to further the pregnancy.  Once again, we declined, but this time we added, “This baby is our child.  We just saw little arms, legs, fingers and toes on the ultrasound!  Just because she has an extra chromosome and a few abnormalities, doesn’t mean she is not our sweet, precious baby.  We are pro-life and you are not going to change our minds.” 

 Eliana made it to 33 weeks gestation before she had to be delivered due to her cord blood flow being reversed, which could have caused her to be stillborn. She was born December 5^th, 2014. She needed help from the CPAP to open up her lungs (just like most preemies). She was transferred to Children’s Hospital due to her little heart having many unforeseen abnormalities.  Her cardiologist said, “Eliana’s case is the most complex I’ve had in my entire career.”

Originally, the Heart Center at Children’s Hospital denied her heart surgery, knowing that without it she would die. Her neonatologists told us that they’d give her narcotics, take her off respiratory support, let her pass in peace and allow her to “die with dignity.”  Up to that point, she had been low on her oxygen requirement and moderate on her pressure requirement.  She just needed a little help -- help which the medical community denied her. I contacted 8 different children’s hospitals around the nation.  A surgeon out of St. Louis, who is extremely Trisomy-friendly, offered to do the lifesaving surgery!  Once I told Eliana’s cardiologist that we were planning to transfer, he kicked things into high gear.  He took a surgeon aside and pleaded with him to do the surgery on Eliana.  He agreed! 

On February 26th, Eliana got the heart surgery she desperately needed!  She is doing very well and we are working with her neonatologists to get her home.  She still has many, many obstacles to overcome, but the fact is, we gave her the opportunity to fight.  We fought for her in the womb when she didn’t have a voice.  We fight beside her now.

Eliana loves to smile.  She loves to have her head rubbed.  She loves to stare and look all around.  She has a feisty personality which she gets from her mommy.  She has a stubborn will just like her daddy.  She is a child.  She has been discriminated against because of the number of chromosomes she has, but chromosomes should not determine the value of a life.

The PRO-LIFE MOVEMENT is upon us!  There is a worldwide movement forming.  Many organizations supported the Geneva Declaration on Perinatal Care which was presented in front of the United Nations on March 11^th. This declaration will end terminology like “incompatible with life” and promote support for mothers to continue the pregnancy after a fatal diagnosis, such as Trisomy 18.   I urge everyone to join in the movement!

Abortion should be illegal because EVERY life, no matter how short, has value!  We don’t know how long we will have Eliana.  We are very thankful and grateful for every minute we have with her.  We believe she is completely compatible with life and most certainly compatible with LOVE!!

Approximately two weeks later, he returned around 11:30 at night.  He knocked and knocked, but my mom froze.   He proceeded to break in and she thought he would rape her again.  She told him that he WAS NOT going to do that again -- that he would have to kill her first.  They struggled over lights, and she was able to grab a hold of a phone and call the Police Department.  Incredibly, the Police told her that they couldn’t help her because she had to call the Sherriff since her home was out of the city limits.  

The rapist grabbed her by the neck and started choking her.  When she was slinking to the floor and no longer screaming, he suddenly ran out.  Shortly after that, the Sherriff did come, took her statement and looked at her neck.  They said they didn’t see any marks, then told her there was nothing they could do!  

She said she felt ashamed and alone.  She did contact her social worker, who instructed my mom to go to the hospital and get checked out, so she did.

A couple of weeks following, a Sherriff came to the office where my mom worked and spoke to her again regarding what had happened.   She said she sensed that he did not believe her.   But the following week, she got a call to come to the Police station to make an identity in a lineup.  The rapist was picked up on a drunken driving charge.   And YES, he was in the lineup.  The Police took his statement  --  shockingly,  it was identical to hers!  He confessed the whole thing.

My mom found out that she had become pregnant with me from this rape, and he was ordered to pay $10.00 a week in a Court Proceeding  --  until I was 18 years old.  She was later told that his family paid the weekly support, so as to not suffer more embarrassment to the family.

My mom’s Social Worker later informed her that the rapist was under suspicion, but not charged at that time, with a rape / murder of another girl prior to raping my mom, so my mom and I are both lucky to be alive.  She was also later told by her Social Worker that the rapist was in and out of the mental institution as a result of psychological trauma from his military service.

So that’s the story of my rape conception.  Mom and I did later in life talk about abortion and she said it was never a consideration.  She did, however, follow it up with saying “I always did want a girl -- good thing I was a girl.”  That kind of took me aback.

There is one thing I want to make clear:  I love my Mom with all my heart.  I know it wasn’t easy making the decision to have me and to keep me.  She had a very hard childhood.  She had an abusive father who drank heavily, and lost her mother to an illness when she was only 14.  Most of the memories my mother had for her own mom was of her being sick.  So my mother didn’t really have anyone to teach her things about life experiences.

My mom made mistakes and as would be understandable, she didn’t make good choices in men.  I was still a baby when she met a man twice her age – 32 years older than her who made her feel safe and took away some of the loneliness she had. He drank heavily and sure didn’t like me at all. He wanted his own little girl and I guess I wasn’t good enough.  Later, he got his wish and got his little girl -- my sister whom I loved so much. So growing up, my brother loved my step-father, and so did my sister, but I felt like the black sheep all the time.  Mom was afraid for me to be alone with him, so I had to stay hidden while she was at work.  On one occasion when I was a baby, my mom found him choking me until I had turned blue.  He eventually died of a heart attack, and our adoption was finalized two weeks later.  I was forced to take his name, which was another embarrassment for me.

When I was about 6 years old, I found out that I was conceived in rape.  What 6 year old knows what rape is? My cousin and her friends were talking about me, but they didn’t know I was under the table playing.  All I heard was that I came from rape and that the rapist got off by pleading insanity.  I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in.  I cried so hard thinking I must be tainted and really stupid, and that people are just being nice to me.  I know that sounds ridiculous now, but it hurt so bad at the time.  It was all I could reason for the way people made me feel.

My aunt came home and I let her in.  She hugged me and told me it’s ok and that one day my mom would tell me more when I get older.  All through school, I didn’t know what to say why I didn’t have a father. That was in the 60’s and it just wasn’t that normal. My mom had to work early in the morning in a factory and no one helped me get dressed or fed me. One teacher would hide me behind the easel to give me toast and orange juice.  I had no friends and I didn’t know how to socialize, so I played with myself.  I made up friends at home and most the time, I played like I was a teacher and everyone wanted to be my friend.

As I grew into a teenager, I wanted to know more, but I didn’t know how to tell mom that I already knew.  I was afraid she would be mad at me.  Mom and I started fighting a lot.  I did get to go to church, and I learned at a very early age that Jesus loves me always, no matter what, and that God was watching over me.  He gave me special people along the way when I needed them most.  I have never lost my faith; it was the only thing good in my life.

The one thing I really dreamed about was having a wonderful man who would love me -- really love me, and who would be my best friend.  One day when I was 11, I met this young man and I just knew he was to be mine.  How could this be, he was so cool and I was so young and plain?  I prayed for him to be mine every day.  I kept a diary and told all the silly things I did to get his attention.  Finally one day, when I was 14 and he was 17, Paul walked 22 miles in the hot country sun to my house to ask me to “go steady” with him.

I told him right away about my conception – that I never had a father and my mother was raped, and he never ever had a problem with it.  He says it only made him love me more.  God gave me a wonderful man and not just any man, but the one of my dreams!  He also gave me two wonderful sons who have made us proud parents.  It was July 3^rd 1973 we started our life together, and with ups and downs like normal, we are still in love with each other and are best friends.   We dated for 5 years and have been married since 1978!

Even still, I fight moments of feeling insignificant.  I sometimes wonder if things would be different for me if mom had given me away to a loving family.  But in the end, I am who I am and God wants me to do my best in life and show compassion to those who need it when I can.

When I think about it, I feel like I am so lucky to have been given life, even though it wasn’t easy and happy all the time.   I know that I have to make my life count – to make God proud of me for giving me a chance at life.

I know my mom went through hard times too for me and she endured a lot of pain and loneliness.  I am glad to have my mother and to have known her all these years.  She couldn’t give me the nurturing I really needed growing up because she didn’t know how and it just felt uncomfortable -- I get that.  But I know she loves me and that is all I need.  I just have to work on loving me every day.  One wish I have would be that people would not look down on people like me because of how we were conceived, and that still affects me.

I never knew the man who raped my mother or his family.  It sounds like he was a pretty bad man, but I am a blessing and should be treated so.  I feel like pieces are missing in my life and I wish people knew how it hurts so bad sometimes because you can’t tell what causes you to be sad sometimes. But my mom always tells me, “Chin up!” When I’m feeling down.  And I know it’s hard to be down if you have your chin up!

BIO:  Cindy Lambert is a wife, mother, jewelry designer/crafter, and pro-life blogger for and member of Save The 1.