Monday, December 8, 2014

Raped While on a Business Trip, My Husband and I Chose Life!

Last January, I was travelling on business, staying in a little hotel in a college town.  I like to think I'm usually more aware of my surroundings, but it was so snowy and windy that I wouldn't have heard his footsteps even if he had he been stomping.  It happened so fast.  I got the door open, turned around to close it, and he was there - a huge man.  My first instinct wasn't fear, just confusion.  In an instant, he punched me in the face.  I don't remember being dragged from the room, but I was found in the stairwell.  I don't know why -- maybe I was trying to go for help.
The rape kit came back negative for HIV, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, and dozens of other things I'd never heard of.  God is gracious.
The following month, I was scheduled to work on a cruise ship.  Struck with dysentery on day two and not getting better with antibiotics, I was taken to what passes for a hospital when we docked in Cartagena, Colombia.  Concerned about intestinal obstruction, I was given an ultrasound.   And we saw the pea -- my son.  Happy Valentine's Day.
Back on the ship, I told the doctors an abbreviated version of my story, which resulted in me being quarantined.  Suicide watch?  In danger of a psychotic break that will have me running naked across the shuffleboard courts?  Who knows.  What I know is that I spent the next week listening to a team of very well meaning doctors and nurses console me with how "easy" it would be to "take care of it" -- to kill the child.  To start over.  Easy???
There were a lot of things discussed over scratchy, tearful transatlantic phone calls home that week, but the possibility of "taking care of it" never came off my lips.  Or my husband's.   When I told him I was pregnant, he said with his voice calm and steady, "Okay.  Okay . . . all right . . . this is all right."  I asked him, "What do you MEAN this is all right?"  "I mean we can do this.  We'll get through this.  It'll be okay.  And, . . . I love babies.  We're going to have another baby.  Sweetheart, this is a gift.  This is something wonderful from something terrible.  We can DO this."  And I began to feel the stirrings of joy for the new life in my womb, blossoming under my heart.  That new love that would grow so fierce it overwhelmed any trepidation or angst.  And my husband was right.  We could do it.
On my last morning aboard the ship, I said to this caring team, "If you ever think about this again, if you ever wonder what happened to me -- I had a beautiful baby in October 2014."   Their reaction . . . , the looks on their faces . . . , the doctor who had pushed abortion more vehemently than the others -- she had tears in her eyes.  For the first time, I thought of how God can use this, this nightmare I'd endured.  Use me.
I live in North Carolina.  My OB who delivered my last two children was running in the Republican primary for U.S. Senate.  He talks to people all the time who challenge him with the "What about in cases of rape?" question.  What about them?  My son will have a voice.  Until he can use it, it's my responsibility -- my privilege -- to speak for him.  That's my story.
During my pregnancy, I was in and out of the hospital for a couple of months - more in than out.  I had preeclampsia, high blood pressure and uncontrolled seizures.  It was terrifying at 26 weeks when they admitted me saying they might have to deliver that night -- terrifying because I desperately wanted my son to live!  We got past that fear.  I had strict bed rest, but was home.  Every week we made it further was awesome, knowing how glad I'd be once he got here safely in my arms.  Emotionally, I was doing very well.
We were working with a really godly team of doctors.  It's just a matter of trusting utterly.  This wasn't new.  I'd felt completely out of control since the assault in January -- not that "control" is ever anything but an illusion, but, you know.  8-1/2 months ago the world upended and hadn't righted since -- until my son was born.  It's not a bad thing.  It keeps me on my knees, keeps me from my arrogant, self reliant "It's okay, God. I got this" attitude, which I'm so quick to adopt.
Our little boy may have been conceived in violence, but he is a gift from God -- a delicious gift that filled the hole in our family that we never realized was there.  He made us complete.
I'm so thankful to have been connected to other mothers who became pregnant by rape as well.  We are survivors.  Not victims.  My son has healed me.
The pressure to abort from the medical community was extremely eye opening to me.  So many times I was told how "simple" it would be and how quickly I could just "get on with my life" once it was over.  It was heartbreaking to have to repeatedly hear it.  Even some friends thought keeping the baby was a mistake -- that I wouldn't be able to handle things emotionally.  Every time we, as rape survivor mothers, share our stories, we are strengthened as we strengthen others. . . .  And who knows what lives might be spared?


BIO:  Jennifer Christie is a wife and mother of 5, and a blogger for www.savethe1.com.  She's using her middle name in lieu of her surname in order to protect the identity of her family.

38 comments:

  1. This is amazing story and it is wonderful the baby was welcomed even though it came out a difficult situation, thanks for sharing the story.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very moving story.Thank you.I would have chosen abortion,but now......
    X

    ReplyDelete
  3. thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on the birth of your son.I am in an all of your husbands handling of that phone call.I know what would have been in my heart but I would have been terrified of the wrong thing coming out of my mouth.

    I also know exactly what you mean about the pressure that you facedto abort your son.when my ex wife was pregnant with her third child, she had decided to forgo the amniocentesis test.she was heavily pressured to take the testenough so but she called me into the room to help deal with the pressure.they didn't want to come out and say that the reason to take the test was to decide whether or not to abort our child but that was the implication.the looks on their faces when I asked themif they could guarantee that there would be no Falls positive test resultswere simply priceless.

    our son is now 12 years oldHindus simply an amazing young man.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a beautiful story! 35 Yrs ago I got pregnant. Was so terrifed to tell my parents! My father said that if I ever come home pregnant he would kick me out and disown me. To make it short...I had an abortion. This is the worst thing IEVER had gone through. I am happily married and have 6 wonderful sons. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my child. This has been a horrible nightmare and it will be with me forever! I am proud of you for not going the route that I took.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can be delivered, forgiven and freed from the shame of the abortion. Look for the book Forgiven & Set Free by Linda Cochrane, its a Bible study that deals with the feelings experienced when abortion is the chosen option. Be encouraged

      Delete
    2. That baby went straight into the arms of our heavenly father. That same father knows your pain and is ready to heal your heart.

      Delete
  5. You both are amazing. God bless your family.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amazing strength and amazing family! God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was a baby conceived of date rape. My birth mom was given a drink laced with something and woke up the next morning not knowing what happened. She found out shortly there after that she was pregnant. This was back in the late 60's. It's a bit long and convoluted but the short story is that she carried me for 9 months and gave me up for adoption. She is my hero. We reconnected when I was 25. It was a bumpy relationship up until the time she and her husband found God. Things have been much better for us and now I have 3 kids of my own who don't know a life without their nana. She and my parents get along splendidly. I had someone post on a friend's FB page that babies who are conceived from rape shouldn't be allowed to live because they weren't conceived out of love. I was never more angry than when I read this. My life was not worth anything b/c I wasn't conceived out of love? Well, I was carried for 9 months out of love and given up for adoption out of love. I had a wonderful life filled with love. How many kids "conceived out of love" don't get that? Lots. I do not know that I could keep and raise a child coming out of a situation like that. Even with my struggle to have my own family and with my past, I do not think I could do that. However, abortion would never be an option. I applaud your husband most of all for accepting your son and for loving him w/out reservation from the beginning. What a wonderful man. Enjoy your new little bundle - they grow so quickly!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Blessings to you and your husband for the moral courage few have. I witnessed my Mom's regret and remorse for aborting after rape. She carried that loss until she died. I look forward to meeting my sweet sister one day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you so much for posting your story. May God continue to bless you and your family for choosing life.

    ReplyDelete
  10. There's a great quote from the movie "Rob Roy" (mid-nineties) that I've always loved. At one point in the film Rob Roy's wife tells him that she has been raped and doesn't know who the father of her unborn child is. She says she couldn't bring herself to kill it, to which he replies, "It's not the child that needs killing." Overall not my favorite movie, but that quote has stuck with me for years as a great one-liner against the "rape exception."
    Movie trivia aside, your post is very inspiring. Thank you for living out your beliefs and sharing your story with us.

    ReplyDelete
  11. There's a great quote from the movie "Rob Roy" (mid-nineties) that I've always loved. At one point in the film Rob Roy's wife tells him that she has been raped and doesn't know who the father of her unborn child is. She says she couldn't bring herself to kill it, to which he replies, "It's not the child that needs killing." Overall not my favorite movie, but that quote has stuck with me for years as a great one-liner against the "rape exception."
    Movie trivia aside, your post is very inspiring. Thank you for living out your beliefs and sharing your story with us.

    ReplyDelete
  12. God obviously has great plans for your son! Like Mary and Joseph, you and your husband were chosen to bring that plan to fulfillment. How loving and courageous of you both!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you so much for sharing this story! It gives a great reminder that God always has a plan to prosper us not harm us. This also opened up my eye a lot to this subject. This is a very grey area for some who are proud supporters of pro-life. Thank you so much and God Bless you and your family

    ReplyDelete
  14. It is always inspiring when you realize your not alone. And you are right, we are survivors! I was fourteen when my uncle raped me and took my virginity. I ended up pregnant. I was afraid to tell anyone, because my uncle had blamed me and told me that everyine would be mad at me. My mom offered an abortion, and at fourteen I refused. I had my son, and he is now 27 years old. My uncle, still says it was my fault, and several people say how could you have kept the child! That is my SON! He is a blessing, a phenomenal person, and he is talented beyond belief. He has a great sense of humor, and he is the most handsome person I know...he is my Son!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Beautiful, beautiful story. You and your husband are an amazing example of how God's love flows through your lives. Your children will called you blessed!! God bless you all ��

    ReplyDelete
  16. I was so moved by your story. My deepest admiration for you and your husband.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Would you have been abe to give birth to this baby if your husband had objected? It seems he played a large part in the decision. He is a exceptional man. God bless you both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HE IS exceptional. I don't think I fully realized it before we went through this. Having hundreds of people praising him so openly is humbling for me and makes me so proud of the man he's become.
      Jeff played a large part in me maintaining my sanity among other things, but I would have had my son with or without his approval - as heartbreaking as it would be. It's an interesting talking point but I don't think it applies here. Jeff's response to me was a lot of things but it wasn't surprising. I know the man I married. We've always shared a Biblical faith and it has carried us through many years together. So, it's always good to search your soul. Take inventory. Would I still do what's right if I stood alone? I believe so. Not in my own strength. But I truly believe I would. I just wouldn't have to. I think this emphasizes the importance of what to really look for when considering a life partner! Cute is great,but cute can't sustain you in the desert.
      God bless you too.

      Delete
  18. What you and your husband did, is absolutely incredible & inspiring. Such a powerful story. You truly trusted and listened to the Lord instead of following the world's way. It's amazing & beautiful. God bless your family! !!! : )

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm french and I don't speak a good english. But I want to say to you: wouah! What an incredible faith in life! I don't want to talk about God because it's not especially my cup of tea. I'm a mother and when I was pregnant that was really really hard with the dad, he had wanted an abortion. I couldn't stand an abortion that was not an option for me. But than was not a rape so you are so braver than me. Like an other woman said, the guilty is not the baby. I agree. When a woman is pregnant, the baby is innocence and the words your husband said are just amazing. I don't think that a lot of men could say that.
    Concerning the doctor who gave you the abortion solution without thinking that abortion could be an other nightmare. How a doctor who is supposed protect life could propose an abortion?? Even if the child come from a rape? I think you both are strength and I will share your story, because your story is a real wonderful life story and life lesson. Your son, your all children are lucky!

    ReplyDelete
  20. 38 years ago I was raped ... and shortly after realized I was pregnant. I was distraught & scared & confused. Its amazing how many urged me to have an abortion ... over and done and forget about it. I could not do it but I was in no position to raise my child . I put him up for adoption & spent all of these years missing him terribly. But I was always sure I did the right thing... just sad. A few months ago we miraculouly found each other. He is an amazing man with a beautiful family, a successful career and a wonderful life. I feel blessed to have this chance to see that my choice has made all of that possible.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am pro-life. This really touched me and i will like to share this on my blog. Please let me know if it is OK with you if i do. Thanks and God bless

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thank you for sharing your family's story. I was discussing with my son last week that IMO a child conceived from rape is as deserving of life as every other child. We are all as much a product of our environment as our genetics. That said you should consider DNA testing to see if there's anything your son might be genetically predisposed to and to ve absolutely certain your son isn't your husband's biological child. Good luck to your family and stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Is there a way to donate w/o using GFM? I can't use them bc they're anti Christian. Thank you for your testimony!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Are they really? That's so disappointing. I didn't set it up for myself, I actually found out after the fact. I wish I had known.
    Um..yes. Can you contact Rebecca through Savethe1? She knows me and has all our personal contact information. Please understand, we have to be so careful. We've gotten terrible threats and hateful, wicked curses flung our way. I can't disclose too much about my location or full name, etc.

    Is contacting Rebecca acceptable to you? You could probably then go through PayPal?
    Either way, thank you from the bottom of my heart for whatever you're able to do. I HATE that we're in this position but a friend called me out on my pride in not accepting help so..I'm working on that! :)

    God bless you and yours, Jamie. If you run into trouble, let me know and we'll figure out something with secret decoder rings.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Very very brave and courageous step. congratulations😊😊😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. Our son has been such a blessing. ❤

      Delete
  26. I hv welcomed our son 6 months ago. And i know its a very joyfull moment when a baby comes to our life. We all r with u. So many blessings. Overall its ur baby...whose love and care is with u.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations on your little one! Babies are always a joy. Your comment "We all r with you" brings tears to my eyes. Because I've read many comments, and known many people, who have not been with us at all. Not been with our sweet baby who we love more than life. He's 20 months now and has brought so much happiness and light into our family. God is so good. Thank you for writing ❤

      Delete
  27. lovely story! there is so much power and strength in this story it almost liberates as you you read it! beautiful just beautiful...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you, sweet one. What a precious comment. Thank you for taking the time to write. This made my day.

      Delete
  28. Hi Jennifer, Your story is very inspiring. May I have the link to your follow up post of this story? Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hello,Grace. Absolutely,you can. (If Rebecca allows links?I guess we'll find out!)
    This is the follow up that I wrote mostly in response to the shockingly negative backlash that accompanied my first article. Not that it was all negative!Not nearly. The bad was just SO bad, so hateful..hundreds and hundreds of comments (that,I was strongly advised to not read...good advice that I ignored)on dozens of sites and blogs and pages that wished death and torture on my baby and I and my husband, called us vile names..I wasn't prepared.

    http://savethe1.blogspot.com/2016/04/raped-married-and-pregnant-when-people.html?m=1

    This post got some nasty commentary too. This time though,I was ready. I was stronger.
    My husband also published his story since so many people had such a strong response to how he embraced our son from the beginning. I'll add that link if you're interested.

    God Bless. :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. My husband's story ❤:


    http://savethe1.blogspot.com/2016/05/my-wife-and-i-both-saw-this-baby-as.html?m=1

    ReplyDelete

Comment rules:

Please do not criticize or berate others you can disagree with their comments and views but please be an adult about things and don't resort to cursing, insulting, and name calling.

Please do not post any private information about yourself or others (i.e. email addresses, phone numbers, etc.)

Please be respectful, civil, and considerate.

The following is NOT allowed under any circumstances and will result in your comments being deleted and not published, and could result in you being banned from any further commenting.

No Blasphemy in any way shape or form this is a Christian owned blog.

No swearing, slandering, or threatening of any kind.

No insults of any religion, gender, race, will be allowed.

Any threats will be immediately reported to authorities.